Should I give my boyfriend chance again ?

[Biki1992]

My boyfriend moved in with another boyfriend. He want to try relationship with him. He love me but we are very far away. It might take more than two years for us to being together. He never give up upon me even he is with another man. He always telling me we can be together in future and asked me to stay with him. Should I stay with him or give up hope of being together someday. He is only man I love. I don't think I can have relationship with anyone anymore . He is very strong in my mind. He moved in with other man still I am not stop loving him. Will it problem in future if I stay in love with him ?

[darren23a]

A lot could happen in 2 years. I think you should let go of the idea.

If he really loved you and wanted to be in a relationship with you it seems unlikely that he would want to move in with another guy and pursue a relationship with him.

I know you feel strongly for him now but those feelings will fade with time and you'll find someone else that makes you feel the same way.

[MikeW]

My boyfriend moved in with another boyfriend. He want to try relationship with him. He love me but we are very far away. It might take more than two years for us to being together. He never give up upon me even he is with another man. He always telling me we can be together in future and asked me to stay with him. Should I stay with him or give up hope of being together someday. He is only man I love. I don't think I can have relationship with anyone anymore . He is very strong in my mind. He moved in with other man still I am not stop loving him. Will it problem in future if I stay in love with him ?

Your boyfriend has another boyfriend besides you? Does the other boyfriend know about you? does the other boyfriend know your/his boyfriend has said you guys might get together in a couple years?

None of this makes much sense. Besides, if either of you really loved the other, one or the other of you would find a way to move to where the other one lived. Stop driving yourself crazy trying to have something you probably will never have and let yourself have what you CAN have right in your own neighborhood.

[Biki1992]

Yes his boyfriend know me. My boyfriend told him everything. I didn't tell about him. He is kinda stubborn. He never listen to anyone. He spent his whole 20years with his ex and he didn't save nothing for him. When I met first time he was with his ex in Miami. After month he left his ex and Moved to Charlotte. He has not have his own house. He was living with his sister. It looks like he feel frustrated of living with sister at the of 52 year old. Then he dicided of moving with his boyfriend and making his own life. He thought moving with his boyfriend is better than living with his sister.

And I just graduated two month ago. I live in India. We planned to live together. For me I need little more time to get along with him. And he feel he is getting older and don't want live alone. You are right lot of thing might change in in a year , he said the same. He just telling me not to give up hope.

I don't know what should I do?

[MikeW]

He just telling me not to give up hope.

Well, I'm telling you to go out and find a boyfriend of your own. One you can actually touch and have good times with. If two years down the line the two of you still want to get together, fine, do it. But right now he has another boyfriend and you don't. So, I guess that works for him. What about you?

[Biki1992]

Well, I'm telling you to go out and find a boyfriend of your own. One you can actually touch and have good times with. If two years down the line the two of you still want to get together, fine, do it. But right now he has another boyfriend and you don't. So, I guess that works for him. What about you?

MikeW

I don't know what i am doing. I tried to have friend around here . Everytime I go out I feel very guilty. everyday he use to ask what I did whole day. I have to tell everything what I did because he doesn't like lying. If I tell the truth he start worrying of losing me. If I don't tell him the truth he gonna fine out someday and that gonna make him more upset. What i was planning will not work anyway. Just Making me crazy .
Well!! I will look on what you said. I think this will be better rather than being alone torture myself.

Thanks for your advice.

[MikeW]

MikeW

I don't know what i am doing. I tried to have friend around here . Everytime I go out I feel very guilty. everyday he use to ask what I did whole day. I have to tell everything what I did because he doesn't like lying. If I tell the truth he start worrying of losing me. If I don't tell him the truth he gonna fine out someday and that gonna make him more upset. What i was planning will not work anyway. Just Making me crazy .
Well!! I will look on what you said. I think this will be better rather than being alone torture myself.

Thanks for your advice.

Torturing one's self is never a good idea (unless you're a masochist or something). Frankly, your so called "boy friend" sounds like a narcissistic jerk: It's al about what HE wants. That's why I asked, what about you?

We have a saying, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." You understand? If something is good for one person in a relationship, the same has to be good for the other.

This is why I say none of this makes any sense to me. I'm fine with guys who want to have open relationships (multiple sex partners) or polyamorous relationships (multiple lovers) or what ever. What I'm NOT fine with is where there is an imbalance in a relationship. That is, where one guy gets to do what he wants to do but the other one doesn't because the first one doesn't like it.

So don't feel guilty. Don't feel you have to tell him everything you do. You don't owe this man anything. You can tell him if you want but I'd say, if he gets upset about it, that is HIS problem, not yours. You're obviously upset about his having another BF, is that changing how he behaves? Apparently not. So... like I said, not balanced. Relationships that are not balanced are not healthy and usually end badly.

[Darius]

MikeW

I don't know what i am doing. I tried to have friend around here . Everytime I go out I feel very guilty. everyday he use to ask what I did whole day. I have to tell everything what I did because he doesn't like lying. If I tell the truth he start worrying of losing me. If I don't tell him the truth he gonna fine out someday and that gonna make him more upset. What i was planning will not work anyway. Just Making me crazy .

What are you saying here? Why would he distrust you for trying to make friends? Explain more clearly, please.

He sounds like a jealous, controlling person. You are not available to him, so he found someone else, but he still wants to string you along. It sounds like your difficulty in moving on is because you have no close friends and you are alone and lonely.
I think it's good that you are here to at least work out things in your own mind.

Keep talking to us.

[JohnSomebody]

You have nothing to feel guilty yet alone shame about...the guy you are interested in have someone else in his life and therefore....you should pursue the same. Why should you adapt to being alone and waiting for an opening or something miraculous to happen in order for you and him to be together????...as you can see ...he is not feeling the same as you and if he has an issue with you having someone in your life besides him...then its quite possible that he is not the guy for you. I can relate somewhat to your story because I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago....this guy claimed to be unhappy in his relationship and over the months of communicating with him....he revealed to me that he had fallen in love with me and if I felt the same about him...that he would leave his current boyfriend for good and focus on establishing a relationship with me. I saw all kinds of "red flags" with this situation due to the fact that I could not wrap my head around someone who constantly claimed to be unhappy with someone and yet...you were going on exotic, romantic vacations with this guy and furthermore...you two still slept in the same bed. This was revealed when he was upset with him and decided to sleep on the couch instead of with him. During his ranting...this little tidbit slipped out and furthermore...whenever they hung out or went on this vacation trips..he would post pictures on social media. What really surprised me was that he would get really irritated and annoyed when I was out on dates with other guys which pissed me off to say the least but I also came to the conclusion to lose contact with him altogether because it was just too much drama and a waste of time that I could focus on other ventures instead of this loser...and I am so happy that I got rid of this excess baggage from my life and there is no regrets what so ever. I hope you come to the same realization about your situation as well.

[Biki1992]

We have a saying, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." You understand? If something is good for one person in a relationship, the same has to be good for the other.

MikeW
You are so right. He does whatever he wants. They imbalance between he and me . He want to keep those imbalance between us this might be reason . Thank you every very much I Understood now.

Johnsomebody
You story is same with mine. Last year I went a trip with a friend. And posted a picture from that trip to Facebook. In that picture I was standing alone and smile . My boyfriend got upset about that picture and told that " I was smiling and enjoying with friend" after I removed the picture. But he always posts picture of him and his boyfriend. I don't feel hurt of him for those stupid picture. But when people commented on those post I feel hurt. He enjoyed posting pictures of his boyfriend.
There is reason of why he want me to stay with him and he want to try making relationship with his boyfriend. He is sure that his boyfriend will never love him. He is just trying. Because at first his boyfriend was with him because his boyfriend want him married one of his friend and get USA citizenship. My boyfriend is the only one who want him so badly. He will be working 14hrs a day and after work his boyfriend call him to help him. He will be washing dishes for just to be with him(his boyfriend is running a restaurant ). This make me very angry. I don't want he is being used by someone. When I angry he thought that I am jealous of he being with him. That how he feel frustrated of me. Now I don't expect any love from him. I just wanted to be with him when he is ever hurt because there will not be anyone for him to make him feel good. I just trying to make him happy.