Is my friend Gay? How can I know that he is? I really need help. I like him.

[tokyotowerjapan]

Hello everyone,

First of all, I am gay/bi. I have interest in both male and female, but when it comes to sex, I would prefer guys. But no one knows that I am gay and its hard to tell from the outside.

Couple of months ago, I just met a guy, he's from Asia. He have had experienced having girlfriends before back in his home country.

We hang out alot and get along with each other pretty well. We text, and call each other very often. We even say good night to each other. He lives in the dorm, but I live off campus, but not very faraway from school, and I drive.
We go out 1 on 1 to movies everyweek and we go eat lunch at school together 1 on 1 most of the day. I also ask him to go out and have dinner at far places, and he never says no to go out with me.

Last week, he asked me if whether or not, he can sleep at my place for friday night. And we did sleep on the same bed. I hug him several times, and I think he seems to know that I hug him, but he didnt response or anything. He still acts the same thing after that happen.

Also, I bought plane ticket to visit his house in Asia and he is totally fine with that. Plus, we also planned a trip to go during the next break, and he is fine with that as well.

I am very confused and dont know what is he thinking. I want some advice and suggestion. I am visiting his house in Asia in the next 2 weeks or so. I was planning to tell him that I like him, is that a good idea? I am afraid our relationship might not be the same, if he is not gay. What should I do? I really really like him, and I never have any experience going out with anyone both guys and girls.

Thank you so much.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

communication is the best way to find out what you want to know be honest and ask him

[tokyotowerjapan]

but i am so afraid that we might ended up our relationship, plus if he's not gay, he might tell all of my friends that I am, and my life will be totally ruin by this. Do you know anyway that I can test him?

[OrphanPip]

You might consider asking what he feels about gay people in general, before approaching the subject of whether or not he is.

Honesty really is the best way, but sometimes more indirect questioning is easier than the shock of a direct question.

[marshlander]

Since no one knows you are gay or bi I guess he doesn't either (although he may have an idea)? You could say that you have something you would like to talk about with him, because you don't want anything to spoil it when you go to visit his house. Could you tell him that you really like being with him and you are concerned that you are developing deeper feelings for him? Tell him you don't want to upset him and you really want to still be his friend unless he would also like something more. It's a risky strategy, but you should find out what he is thinking. If you don't want to do it this way you could just carry on as you are and see where it leads.

The usual strategy is to ask him if he has or has had a girlfriend. Whatever his answer you could then ask him, "and what about a boyfriend?"

[tokyotowerjapan]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try.
What do u guys think of him? Is there really a straight guy who will let another guy/gay hug him on the bed? Im very curious about it.

[tokyotowerjapan]

Yeah, but I already slept with him and hug him though, isnt that kinda show that I am? Also, I like touching him very often.

[OrphanPip]

Thanks for the advice. I'll try.
What do u guys think of him? Is there really a straight guy who will let another guy/gay hug him on the bed? Im very curious about it.

Someone who is lonely or maybe just curious. Anything is possible, people are hard to understand. I'd think that would be more likely with someone younger than a university student though.

[posterpicture]

I think it 's a good idea to test his attitude toward homosexual. If he has a positive attitude toward homosexual then you should just come out to him and ask him to not tell anyone. He let you hug him, and sleep in your bed that mean he is comfortable with you and he trusts you.
I am grew up in Asian culture also and it 's not that strange to get hug from a guy while sleeping. I slept with a bunch of my guys friends on school field trip before, hugging is rare but I got hugged sometimes. It 's just a male bonding thing in collective culture.

One more thing, if you come out to him and he denies his homosexuality, then don't force him to admit it. Just give him time, and move on with your life. However, maintain a good friendship with him and don't let your feeling steps on that.

[tokyotowerjapan]

Someone who is lonely or maybe just curious. Anything is possible, people are hard to understand. I'd think that would be more likely with someone younger than a university student though.

So u r saying he might have some feelings towards me?