Straight or Gay?
01-26-2011, 02:13 PM
I met this straight guy on the internet while playing an online game and we became buddies and hang out together with some other straight friends. After a few months, I told him about my feelings then he said to just forget it and look for a girl instead (I am a closet gay). I didn't give up though i still show him my true feelings but a few months later, I learned from one of our friends that he already had a girlfriend. I really love him so I told myself just let him go and be happy. I went on with my life and avoided him most of the time.
Months passed and unexpected things happened, he called me one day, he said we wants to see me. When we met, he looks really depressed. So I tried to comfort him, although he's not telling me what really happened. I heard from a friend that he broke up with the girl because she cheated. After hours of conversation with him, he asked me if I can sleep over at their place. We had few beers before going to bed. At midnight, it happened. I slowly hugged him pretending to be asleep he didn't move. I couldnt resist myself from temptation and it happened that night. I was surprised he was calling my name as he moans. The next day when I went home, he called me and said that that was the first and last, after a few days he called again and asks if I want to do it again with him. Of course, I won't say no. Every weekend I stay at their place we we always do it, until one time he kissed me on the lips and asks If I'm interested in having a relationship with him. That was the happiest moment of my life I admit. We were inseparable, I also introduced him to my family just like a friend (my family dont know that im gay).
We're almost a perfect couple and decided to live together. Got our own jobs and everything. Nobody knows about us, (except for my few closet gay friends). and were both happy. When were hanging out with some friends, we pretended to be buddies. As time passed by, our fights and argues is becoming worse. Til he decided to break up with me, and told me he was seeing another girl, he said we wants to live a normal life and have a family. That was 2 years i believe. Then I left the apartment and went on my own.
It was a terrible experience and took me time to heal, like 6 months. Then one day I was walking on the street with my new boyfriend. I saw my ex, I pretended that i didn't see him and just walk away. He started communicating to me again but I was ignoring. Until one night, he asked me if he can sleep over. At first i resisted, but inside me, i really missed him.. and i still love him, he was persistent til i couldnt say no.
We did it again that night, after that, he hugged me and told me how lonely he was when i left and he really missed me and still love me. I took the risk eventhough I feel that what he did in the past would happen again. I just told him to be honest with his feelings and let me know if he meets a girl again so it wouldnt hurt that much. I broke up with my present bf, and we were together again for another 2 years. Again, it seemed to be like a cycle, few days before he left, he was cold. I know there's something wrong. So I asked him about it. He said he had a girlfriend and he love her. Same exact words I heard the last time. I went out and got drunk with a close friend, I called him and asked he can leave and get his things while I'm away. That's it when i get home, his things wasn't there anymore.
We broke up last november, and im still in the process of healing. What happened is really a nightmare to me. I pitied myself, getting drunk everyday, went to macho/gay bars just to forget him.
There's still a lot of questions circling on my mind. The what if's, I don't know how to cope up and move on. I wanted to just forget what happened but I still have feelings for him.
He believes he is still a straight guy because Im the only gay person that he had an affair with. Is that possible? Would a straight guy stay straight eventhough he didn't only had sex but a relationship with a guy?
And if im to forget him, would he really live the life he wanted? A wife and a family which I can never give. I also have a guilty feeling if he turns out to be a gay, because Im responsible for everything happened. I want him to live the way he wanted.
But what if he really loves me, and was just afraid. Being gay isn't much easily accepted in our country, youre lucky if your family is open to it. That's why i never told any family members and stayed closeted.
What I'm also afraid of, is when he would knock on my door again. On the first break up, I honestly felt that he would come back and it happened. Now, I have a strong feeling that same things will happen again, I heard from his friend recently that he is depress now, and I am really upset because I feel he's going back again and I don't know what I should do. It hurts me so much.
Months passed and unexpected things happened, he called me one day, he said we wants to see me. When we met, he looks really depressed. So I tried to comfort him, although he's not telling me what really happened. I heard from a friend that he broke up with the girl because she cheated. After hours of conversation with him, he asked me if I can sleep over at their place. We had few beers before going to bed. At midnight, it happened. I slowly hugged him pretending to be asleep he didn't move. I couldnt resist myself from temptation and it happened that night. I was surprised he was calling my name as he moans. The next day when I went home, he called me and said that that was the first and last, after a few days he called again and asks if I want to do it again with him. Of course, I won't say no. Every weekend I stay at their place we we always do it, until one time he kissed me on the lips and asks If I'm interested in having a relationship with him. That was the happiest moment of my life I admit. We were inseparable, I also introduced him to my family just like a friend (my family dont know that im gay).
We're almost a perfect couple and decided to live together. Got our own jobs and everything. Nobody knows about us, (except for my few closet gay friends). and were both happy. When were hanging out with some friends, we pretended to be buddies. As time passed by, our fights and argues is becoming worse. Til he decided to break up with me, and told me he was seeing another girl, he said we wants to live a normal life and have a family. That was 2 years i believe. Then I left the apartment and went on my own.
It was a terrible experience and took me time to heal, like 6 months. Then one day I was walking on the street with my new boyfriend. I saw my ex, I pretended that i didn't see him and just walk away. He started communicating to me again but I was ignoring. Until one night, he asked me if he can sleep over. At first i resisted, but inside me, i really missed him.. and i still love him, he was persistent til i couldnt say no.
We did it again that night, after that, he hugged me and told me how lonely he was when i left and he really missed me and still love me. I took the risk eventhough I feel that what he did in the past would happen again. I just told him to be honest with his feelings and let me know if he meets a girl again so it wouldnt hurt that much. I broke up with my present bf, and we were together again for another 2 years. Again, it seemed to be like a cycle, few days before he left, he was cold. I know there's something wrong. So I asked him about it. He said he had a girlfriend and he love her. Same exact words I heard the last time. I went out and got drunk with a close friend, I called him and asked he can leave and get his things while I'm away. That's it when i get home, his things wasn't there anymore.
We broke up last november, and im still in the process of healing. What happened is really a nightmare to me. I pitied myself, getting drunk everyday, went to macho/gay bars just to forget him.
There's still a lot of questions circling on my mind. The what if's, I don't know how to cope up and move on. I wanted to just forget what happened but I still have feelings for him.
He believes he is still a straight guy because Im the only gay person that he had an affair with. Is that possible? Would a straight guy stay straight eventhough he didn't only had sex but a relationship with a guy?
And if im to forget him, would he really live the life he wanted? A wife and a family which I can never give. I also have a guilty feeling if he turns out to be a gay, because Im responsible for everything happened. I want him to live the way he wanted.
But what if he really loves me, and was just afraid. Being gay isn't much easily accepted in our country, youre lucky if your family is open to it. That's why i never told any family members and stayed closeted.
What I'm also afraid of, is when he would knock on my door again. On the first break up, I honestly felt that he would come back and it happened. Now, I have a strong feeling that same things will happen again, I heard from his friend recently that he is depress now, and I am really upset because I feel he's going back again and I don't know what I should do. It hurts me so much.
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I hope it works out for you but I dont have any advice on this one sorry 