Help, please...I'm in love and think my boyfriend could be bisexual or gay.

[Fefegold]

I’m really hoping there is someone out there who can honestly and respectfully give me their feedback on the relationship situation I find myself in. I'm a straight woman and for nearly the past year, I have been in a great relationship with a man I thought would end up being my husband. I would certainly consider this man to be one of my best friends and our communication is excellent. It has been refreshing to have a relationship with someone who seems very self-reflective, gracious, patient, doting and highly intelligent. He is a former chef, so he enjoys cooking for me, which has been wonderful, and we laugh regularly and have a lot of fun with each other. To top everything off, our sex life is great. He makes me feel attractive and we’re extremely compatible physically. Both of us have expressed how much we enjoy sex with the other person. Recently, we’ve seriously made plans to take our relationship to the next level and move in together, get married and have a family. If you’re wondering what the problem is…well, this is it. Recently, we were sharing deep and serious aspects about ourselves in a recent conversation. My boyfriend told me that there was something important about himself that he had never shared with anyone, but wanted me to know. He said that he looked at me as his future wife and did not want to have any secrets and wants me to know everything about him. He proceeded to tell me that he had once had sex with a Transvestite, where he was on the “giving” end. However, he also shared that he provided oral sex to this person as well. I asked him why he did this and he let me know that in College he began experimenting with anal stimulation on himself, while masturbating. He said that he always felt that it was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself because it felt good. Apparently, this led to him making a decision 3 years ago to hook up with a transvestite. This was prior to our relationship and he assures me that he is not gay. I also asked if he would do something like that again and he convincingly told me that he wouldn’t. All things considered, I feel like I took the news well…we held hands the entire time and looked into each other’s eyes. He let me know that he shared this with me because he trusted that I would still love him and not judge him. While I respect and appreciate the sheer guts and courage it definitely took for a man to tell his woman “news” of this nature, I can’t help but wonder if my boyfriend is bisexual or gay (possibly not aware of it completely or in denial). I have to admit that I don’t know how to deal with this knowledge and always thought a matter like this would be a Deal Breaker for me. Is my man on the DL or in the Closet or Bisexual or what? Prior to our first sexual encounter, both of us were tested for STDs and shared our results with one another, so I always felt we were open in that regard. Additionally, we both believe in monogamy and commitment, and as far as I know, my man has never cheated on me, (with a man or woman). So, I would say that the trust in the relationship is good on both ends. So, why do I feel suspicious of this person now? I don’t think my man is lying to me, but I do wonder if he is denying a part of himself that is lingering in the background. My boyfriend is not effeminate, but does consider himself a metrosexual (he’s extremely well groomed, has great decorating taste, loves the arts and is the neatest boyfriend I’ve ever had). Common sense tells me that none of that stuff makes my man gay, but I have tons of questions. I know I have to tread carefully and be sensitive to his feelings and I know that every relationship comes with issues, but I just didn’t see this one coming…thoughts, anyone??? :confused:

[Dark Angel]

Tbh, to me it sounds like his exsperimenting was just that. I think you have nothing to worry about

[Jfierce]

I agree with previous post. I think you've found a winner and you should trust him until he gives you a reason not to. It's smart for you to be concerned but don't try to over think it. If I were you I would go for it 100%. There is some risk in every relationship and his above board communication should be positive sign.

Hope this helps.

[fenris]

Hi,

let me tell you what i think about your kind of relationship:
Your bf is very honest... and that is a good thing. He trusts you so much that he tell you about his thought, experiences and wishes.... and that is very good, too. Not much guys tell their gf about that...
Your feelings about that.... i can understand..... you have fears that he can leave you for a man or cheat you. But honest ... if you allow yourself this feelings, what can happen ? .... it is possible that he cheats you with a man ... or with a woman- the results are the same. But why he should ? If he loves you and told you so much about himself - he trusts you - so trust him, too. Tell him about your feelings, wishes .... and your fears that he maybe is bisexual ( I can´t imagine that he is gay... )
Nothing sexual or done experiences he does can make him gay or bisexual.... or more or less bisexual or gay... if he is ... he is.

And whats when he is bisexual ? He is the same man....and if you both have talked about a monogamous relationship and you both want a monogamous relationship... so trust him.
Yes... I know, there is a small glowing point : What happens if he really want to have Sex with a man. My advice is : Let him ...don´t judge him ! OK ... this advice can be a bit problematic..... but I´m very sure he come back and it has nothing to do with his love to you - but I can´t see this... for me he is only a very honest man who talks about feelings, wishes and experiences.

[James]

Very good advice, Fernis, been my experiance here in the states that most bi's want to be with women. If he has been that open and honest I would trust him and love him, he is a member of the few, honest in their relationships, James

[East]

Fenris is right..you have honesty and that is rare...cherish it becuase you won't find it very often. He loves you and you love him..that is obvious...

I would say this to you...return the favor...tell him your concerns and explain to him that you are doing it out of respect for your relationship and respect for yourself.

[DarkDaisuke]

He might be bisexual without knowing it but if he only wants you then you're good. I mean yes it can lead to some problems down the road if he decides to do it again but I don't think he'd do it behind your back, he seems sincere enough.

[The Virgin]

i think he loves you and that's all that matters. the fact that he disclosed this kind of information to you suggest that he really trusts you enough and deeply cares for you. For as long as he can assure you that he will stay committed to you and not repeat that same experimenting thing, then i believe there's no need for you to worry.

[cry0s]

I'm pretty sure he isn't and was just curious. In fact, it feels like he was a bit ashamed of it but felt better being open and honest with you. I think he was pretty nervous to tell you about it. You two just need to keep enjoying yourself :-)

[The Virgin]

you still love despite of his revelation, right?