Hey guys I'm new here, am Irish too. I've only recently decided to myself that I am gay, but I am still unfortunately closeted. In a flight of fancy I decided to browse through gay chatrooms until I happened upon chat avenue, and it's gay section. To cut a long story short I started chatting with a guy from Ireland who is 38. We really hit it off and have so much in common despite the age gap. We took ages swapping pics because we just wanted to get to know each other. I was surprised to find that I am really attracted to him and seem to have developed feelings towards him. I am only 19 and he doesn't seem to mind. We rarely chat about sex which is nice and he seems to be eager to meet up though he nevermpresses the issue. He's closeted. I am afraid to meet him even though we have talked on the phone and text everyday. Is it just the fantasy that I like?
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that sounds great m8... i met someone on here and we had an age diff so dont worry bout htat if you have loads in common....but do simple things to protect yourself if you decide to meet - ask for an addess and a phone number of a house not moblile !! , if you meet for the first time ask to meet with a freind present if possible and in a public place that you know well !! just common sence stuff that we all forget when we have feelings for someone !... ask for a picture too before you meet that you could give to someone too - this is just to protect the both of you and i dont want to put you off at all cos he sounds great ....just let someone know that your meeting a new guy m8
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It would not hurt for you to meet. It may be better for your relationships to be with someone closer to your age because you have more in common and are generally at the same level of maturity. There are always exceptions and this indeed could be one. It is a little concerning that he has not come out by age 38 because one advantage of dating someone older is they can help you in your coming out journey by sharing their experiences.
I would say go for it but at the same time pursue other friendships and interests that will allow you to
grow more comfortable with yourself and encourage personal growth.
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If you meet up you run the risk that he turns out to be not quite the same as how you think he is. If you want to keep him 'perfect' don't meet up. However if you want to enjoy real life you will have to.
If you do decide to meet up, stay safe. Meet somewhere public, go for a coffee or something similar.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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No harm in meeting if you are realistic, cautious and go in with your eyes open. I suspect it is not that unusual in Ireland for someone still to be closeted at 38, but someone of that age is going to arrive with more baggage than you.
Although you may have chatted lots, you only know what he has decided to tell you. Most people can't maintain a false story without slipping up, but one or two are more adept, so I would endorse the advice to make your first meeting in a public place where you can talk and get a feel for body language too. This may be the teetotaller in me speaking, but I would also suggest staying clear-headed during such a meeting. If something doesn't seem to add up you always have an option to leave.
Good luck.
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Perhaps meeting up with someone you have talked to so much at first would really help; but start off somewhere public for dinner etc just in case.
The first guy I "met"... well, he made up some excuse and took me to a park. I realized that despite wanting experience - I was probably 21 then, and yet to be with a guy - that this scenario was just not for me at all. I really should have gotten to know him first before meeting and am lucky I was able to leave with no problems. The first guy I then went on a date with... much nicer, but he didn't look like his pic at all to me. I was also very nervous as it was my first time being out in public with a guy, and had yet to even tell a friend at that point. I think I hurt his feelings when he wanted to hold my hand and I was like.... sorry I'm just not comfortable with this.
The point is... those first steps can be scary. But if you have someone that you do talk with on the phone a lot, and have exchanged multiple photos with etc.... then it's going to make it all the easier. And if you still end up nervous... that's normal. It will get easier with time.
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