Can gay guys be just friends?

[pramos08]

So I hope not to offend anyone but I just came out and I don't know how gay relationships work. Long story short..not 1...not..2..but 3..yes THREE people have come out to me this month 2 of them being so unbelievable that I think it's a joke. The funny thing is I had a crush on them so when one told me he was I just had word vomit and said I was too.

The dilemma is I had a huge crush when I thought he was straight, i got an even huger crush when he said he was gay, but he picked up on it and pulled the "i just see you as a friend" card. I'm fine and over it and it actually didn't hurt my feelings or anything but of course I still have a little feelings so my question is how do I get over him and just see him as a friend too? He's my first and only gay friend who i'd love to date but i feel like the fat prom girl at the snack table around him.

[Kiid]

I had the same problem with my hetero friend I thought he was gay but he isn't and I had a crush on him and that is how we first became friends. After a long time I realized that there was not hope for a relationship with me and him and now I see him more as a brother.

[pramos08]

yeah that's happened to me plenty of times with straight guys...i have a straight friend who is gorgeous but I don't see him in any other way besides like a brother...The entire different issue here is that this guy is gay. out and proud..and I was the second person he's told after his mom. I just don't get it :/

[Kiid]

Well is it any different? Just make yourself not like him. It may take time but it works.

[pramos08]

of course it's different lol...straight guy you'll never have a chance..a gay guy you would. but i guess time is the only way

[jbrowder24]

Ah, the curse of being seen as a "friend." You are right to give it time. If you try to do things to try to win him over when he's already said he views you as a friend, it might come off wrong and make him not even be friends anymore, if he feels uncomfortable. There's no saying he won't change his mind later, but there's no guarantee either. You seem like a cool guy with a handsome pic, so look around... perhaps you'll find someone new to crush on that actually will see you as more than a friend There's a quote from Alexander Graham Bell that I need to pay more heed to myself: “Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.” Consider yourself lucky to have a good friend that you now know has even more in common with you, but keep being yourself and keep your eyes open

[Bookworm]

There's a quote from Alexander Graham Bell that I need to pay more heed to myself: “Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.”

I like that quote mile:

Sure, gay guys can be friends but if their are any hidden agenda's or ulterior motives involved then it can end up ruining what you have, so be careful.
I fell into this trap many years ago with a guy I had a huge crush on. I blindly convinced myself that we were just good friends despite the feelings I had for him. He knew how I felt and now, in hindsight, clearly strung me along just for the hell of it as he didn't feel the same way, but it pleased his ego to stretch it out.
Its difficult to remain objective when your hormones are raging wildly, but I learned a valuable lesson.
Don't force the situation as it could backfire, just be true to yourself and work from a place of honesty, if its not meant to be then its not meant to be but you can still remain great friends. mile:

[East]

Wow Josh and Bookworm...you guys give great advice. I agree with both of you.

I definitely think you can be friends with other gay men but you have to learn that you can''t make anyone else love you or even be attracted to you so you have to decide if you can be friends with them and have these feelings...it may be too hard for you to be around them...

The other thing I will add....It might not be in the cards...I often think about how every single moment of my life brought me to the place I am at and had I changed anything maybe I wouldn't be here...and I like where I am at so I wouldn't' change anything if I could (except smoking but even that is questionable:biggrin and this includes all of the guys I was "madly in love with" or had crushes on.

[pramos08]

awesome advice guys. thanks. yeah i've slowly been getting over it it's just hard hanging one on one and not thinking anything of it. plus he's a natural flirt which makes it way harder lol

[Yosuke]

If you like him then it'll be hard, but I'm sure you can do it if you really value his friendship. To answer the question of the forum title, I think it's possible to be just friends. I was friends for two years with a gay guy, and we both knew we were gay but there was no attraction between us. We still keep in touch after he graduated...so I think it is possible. But then again...neither of us had a crush on the other.