Huge mistake

[Anonymous]

Hello my friends! Last month I made a huge mistake!: cry:

I am gay and I live in Greece, a society unfriendly towards gay people. I am gay and i go to the 2nd grade of highschool. For 3 years i ve been hiding it and pretending to be straight successfull. Last month i couldnt stand it any more and told my closest friends (including the one that im in love) about my sexuality. What they did was so unexpectable!!!

They started laughing and saying that i was teasing them. When i told them i was honest they got serious, started swearing (you s****er etc) and left. The next day everyone in school knew about me and from a quite popular teen i turned into the "sisty boy". No one would talk to me, no one would look at me without laughing, even the boys that are acoording to me undoubtedly gay.

And of course the news spread like wildfire to my parents who really did disagreed with my choice. They told me that since i havent slept with a guy i cannot be sure and that i must think more carefully about my PROBLEM.

I really don't know what to do. I am cut off my parents, schoolmates, teachers, friends.
HELP!!!!!!!

[JoeyJoJo]

Well, that's just awful!!! And here I thought European countries were so much more liberal than the US! If you were old enough, I would tell you to get a job, move out, and find loving & like-minded people to surround yourself with. Unfortunately, I don't think that's an option. Try to make your parents understand that you were born this way and that it's not a "problem". If school gets really bad, ask your parents if you can go to a different school.
I'm really sorry and wish I could help more.

*HUGS*

[fenris]

Hi, sounds that you have to be very strong the next time....

maybe it was a mistake ... maybe not.... you know, some people have the problem to be honest and open about their sexuality - this step you have done ;-)

My advice : Stay strong... go NOT one meter back. The first time now will be hard ... because you gave them the stick to hit on your head...
Let nobody feel that you are unsure..... and in a few weeks no rooster crow about you. But for now you should plan some sentences for the case that someone will annoy you.. Like : Oh - great ... you are one of the people nobody should trust, nice to meet you" .. or " Yes .. i´m gay ... but you are deceitful and wrong.. tell me which of us is the better friend "

And... you parents: Don´t discuss with them about it til YOU feel you are ready for an outing.... I think you are old enough to tell them, that a outing or not should come from your side... not from people how talked behind your back

[simon]

the worst thing you can do now is feel ashamed because that will give power to the bullies,if you are not ready to come out,just lie,laugh at them and carry on being yourself but just don't admit you are gay until you are ready,it might not sound like it will make a difference but I think it will,try and find a family member you can talk too,or there maybe a local gay group you can go to,try and find a gay help line you can ring and they will put you in touch with some local help,it might seem scary now but the good thing is you have got pass the hard bit,and as long as you keep your head up they will be wasting their time calling you names because you don't GIVE A SHIT what those SAD people think.

[matty7]

stay calm - try not to get angry with the people and school friends been rude to you - i think when they see you every day they will get bored of been nasty to you - (i hope so ) - your true friends will still be there for you , they may be a bit quiet at first but you will have friends. dont doubt that - your parents are saying the same things all parents say so - they just dont want you to be different and risk been hurt by others - but they will still love you

[jbrowder24]

I'm sorry to read you're going through such a rough time.

High school can be a difficult time for anyone, especially those not part of the in/cool crowds. Even some of those people that may be accepting deep down may partake in the jokes because they feel it's what expected of them to fit in. I agree with much of what has been said above. If they see that they are getting to you, it will only make them want to taunt you more to get a reaction out of you. If you stay strong, there may still be some making fun of, but most of it will die down as most people begin to realize you're still the same guy you were before.

Regarding family, I went through something similar with my sisters. They didn't understand how could I know for sure when I'd never been with a girl. You have to do your best to let them know that this is not something you can change, that it is how you were born. Hopefully with time they get used to the idea and become more accepting that it isn't a choice, as my sisters have.

You say you are cut off but is there anyone there you can talk with - a counselor, another relative, another gay student? Are there any local organizations that provide support? I'm not sure how much the project extends outside the US but there are a lot of great videos with the It Gets Better project. If things remain difficult, remember that it is not long until you can go to university or move for a job.

I know right now you regret ever saying anything, but we cannot go back and change the past, and we can't control how others will react. However, we can control how we respond in the present, and we can always have hope for the future.

Good luck and come on here for support as you need it, many of us are willing to talk things out as needed

[machosalad]

I'm so sorry that your friends and family have betrayed you like that. You did a good thing in coming here to voice your situation amongst people who will understand and support you during this difficult time. Others have already given you good advice. I'll add my two cents and say that now is the time to be strong and know that no matter what happens or how people treat you, you are an exceptional person.

I admire your courage friend. Keep your head up and keep your mind in the present. Take one day at a time and know that you will always find people to listen and support you here.

[Triangle1]

Find a couple good friends online to talk to about this. You may need some supporting souls through this crazy incident of 1. bad decision-making from the friend who will probably later regret telling the whole world and 2. the herd mentality of the school ganging up on one person. Rest assured, there are other gay people in the school. They're just lurking in the shadows, probably cheering that you're out there.

[Bookworm]

The ignorance of people can be really cruel sometimes; they just don't understand what's going on for you and are just responding with the pre conditioning of a biased crowd mentality. Try and seek advice through counselling at school or other GLBT groups in your area. it will really help to talk things through with others, and of course, there's always someone around on this site too; most of us have faced discrimination on some level so we know what it feels like.

[James]

The reactions of your mates and family is pretty much familar to many of us, it is unfortunate that those you thught were your friends suddenly became nasty and your family is non supportive. That was my life, but it only takes one t support you and let you know you can get through this, whether it be online or in person makes no differance, just know there are LOTS of people that wish you well, pm me if you want to know what I went through or want me to stand with you, James