having problems when meeting certain kind new people

[seeking]

I noticed myself having this problem for a long time, i've tried overcoming it but it still troubles me from time to time.

That is, when i meet new people, i feel really stressed and behave unnaturally.
I can joke around with those i've known for some time, but to new people, i am always ...shy.

It only happens when i meet a specific kind of people. Usually those who are quite passion, and can "warm up" in a very short time. It also happens when i meet a group of new people who have already known each other( i am the new guy )

I've tried to be more....active but that just make things worse.

To those who are not that passion...i don't have that problem.


A few days ago one of my friend invited me to a dinner, with a few people i met the first time. They know each other very well...except me. And i was like an idiot...certainly embarrassed my friend a lot. I feel really bad.

Are there any way i could make myself "warm up" a bit faster?? It sounds silly but that's the problem i think i am having. This problem is preventing me making new friends in a short time. I need quite certain time to make friends. And it's a big problem.

Or if you think i am just retard....point that out :p

[Ruralguy]

A good technique I have found useful in similar social situations is to learn to ask questions, and then listen to the answers. Then ask another follow up question. That way you are interacting in a normal social way by showing interest, but not having to deal with the pressure of the one being the focus of interest and having to do all the talking. Ask inquiring questions following up on what the other person has said. A good listener is always a welcomed dinner guest.

[zeon]

best advice i can give is be yourself and show them your colours if they dont fit theirs then thats ok just means theres no harm done and nothing to worry over.... Its what i do

[posterpicture]

A good technique I have found useful in similar social situations is to learn to ask questions, and then listen to the answers. Then ask another follow up question. That way you are interacting in a normal social way by showing interest, but not having to deal with the pressure of the one being the focus of interest and having to do all the talking. Ask inquiring questions following up on what the other person has said. A good listener is always a welcomed dinner guest.

Great advice. I am going to suggest the same thing.
Also, when you try to get to know a big group, don't be too focus on one individual or spread out your attention to much. Pick 2 - 3 people that you like at the first sight and put about 70% of your attention on them. Put the rest of of your attention on the rest.
Remember, people tend to like to talk about themselves so asking a lot of questions will make you a good guest and a potential good friend.

[Jfierce]

Great advice about asking questions. If you can write up a list of about 10 - 15 questions ahead of time you'll be all set. Another good idea is to develop an elevator speech about yourself
think about 5 really interesting things about yourself and write down so ur always reAdy when people start asking you questions

[simon]

I think you may be worrying too much about what people think of you and so are trying to hard to please them,if it takes you a while to "warm up" then thats fine,trying to be something you are not will come across as fake,so just try and accept that you take a while to make friends,which will take the stress of you and will probably help with your shyness.

[CJinexqueerienc]

Great advice about asking questions. If you can write up a list of about 10 - 15 questions ahead of time you'll be all set. Another good idea is to develop an elevator speech about yourself
think about 5 really interesting things about yourself and write down so ur always reAdy when people start asking you questions

I tried this once, writing down point about myself because I have a similar problem with people I don't know too well. But because it was like I had rehearsed the points I was going to say, they just came out REALLY fast and I sounded far too overly excited about myself - as if I was desperate to talk about myself hahaha. Very cringe :-) It's a really good idea though...defo works for some.

I would say that asking questions is a brilliant piece of advice...I do this all the time and it makes everything so easy. The way I see it is if you ask them lots of questions and get to know them, you know whether you are comfortable enough with them once they start asking you questions.

Also, I would also say to be aware of when you act 'strange' and take some deep breaths and try to chill out...if your anxious, people will feel it and feelings spread through body language etc.

You'll be fine though...don't avoid these situations either because the more you do, the more confident you'll be and you'll be able to deal with them more easily.

CJ

[seeking]

I know i shouldn't think in this way but i really want to change myself to "warm-up" faster, as it's quite essential for people to make friends shortly in HK...which is good for finding jobs and promotions. Also things would become a lot more easier in work place.

And thanks all the advice.....!! Now i know what can i do to prepare for gatherings like that

[matty7]

i like all the advice above - i too amm rather quiet till i get to know people, my way is the above advice from others plus not to worry what people think of you - that allows me just to be myself...hopefully polite people you meet like at the dinner will engage you in conversation so you dont feel left out - then when your confident start a subject about something you think others might be interested in ,
above all , just acknowlage your shy and nothing wrong with that at all - show them ur a good listener till you build a freindship if it helps

[zeon]

I only get uncomfrotable around people personally when they go on about football because i am like a lead balloon to water on that subject... I cant do the whole hetrosexual "Cor did ya see the game mate what a cracker it was when tinky winky passed to po who headed to dipsy and before you know it tubby bloody custard was everywhere!!!"

Sod that for a game of soliders lol

zeon