Can it work?????

[yeahokay]

From what you guys have told me, it's about opening up? Ive told 2 close friends, they seem to ignore that whole side of me though, that's what makes it even more awkward if I was to open up to a family member, they would probably react much the same.

East. I didnt mean to generalize, stereotype etc, but, that is how the majority of people believe gay people are, fashion forward, feminine behaviour etc. What I meant was, it is harder for myself to come out as Im the total opposite. You don't need to stress if someone generalizes about how gay people are and act, Im in the same situation, I hear that shit all the time, just chill.

Marco. Tough, isnt it. Somewhat comforting knowing there are others in the similar situtation to myself. Thanks for that. Message me if you want to talk sometime.

Im in Melbourne.

I guess I need to get out there, Im not in to the idea of going to gay bars, just me, I dont want to feel like Im segregated/different from hetero people, im not against gay bars just not for me. Ill have a look in to the mainstream dating sights, look around and see what happens.

[fredv3b]

im not against gay bars just not for me.

Perhaps you should try visiting a few first before making your mind up? Are men who drink in sports bars segregated from men who are uninterested in sports?

P.S. I'm not fond of gay bars myself but that is because they usually serve bilge-water for beer.

[colinmackay]

Searching on-line dating sites seems to be the only option for meeting guys as I dont come across as gay, at all..... The only problem is that all the 'dating' sites seem to revolve around hook-ups and one night stands. I'm looking for something more 'hetero', non sluty hetero anyways, lol, as in a real relationship with connection, feeling......love?<well thats gay, lol.

"A little more 'heteto'"???

Many of the hetero guys I know would go just for hook ups and one night stands if they could. There is nothing gay about one night stands or hook ups.

And, if it interests you I'm getting civilly partnered next year (can't get fully married where I am yet) so long term relationships aren't exactly hetero either.

:-)



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[East]

East. I didnt mean to generalize, stereotype etc, but, that is how the majority of people believe gay people are, fashion forward, feminine behaviour etc. What I meant was, it is harder for myself to come out as Im the total opposite. You don't need to stress if someone generalizes about how gay people are and act, Im in the same situation, I hear that shit all the time, just chill.

Yes...I hear it all the time to which is why I stand up to it whether it is coming from a straight or a gay person. I don't like to hear gay people being marginalized and generalized and I will say something when it happens.

I don't understand...you say the majority of people think that but you also stated that is how you felt as well "I guess I don't feel or have the mentality of a typical 'gay' man"....then you say it isn't.

My advice to you was valid though you are free to dismiss it. It is alot like my signature. The problem begins with you and your perceptions...it is the root of the problem...I was trying to help you. I was a bartender in a gay bar and met hundreds of men with the exact same questions as you have so I actually have experience giving this very advice with some positive results as well. I am a masculine man in a 25 years old relationship that is very happy so I feel as though I know a thing or two about man to man relationships and they all begin with you and WHO you are. If you stereotype and marginalize other gay men you might repel the thing you are trying to attract.

I often get this comment from straight people "I would never know you were gay..you don't seem gay at all" . As I do not require approval from heterosexuals I do not consider this a compliment and besides...I am hip to the underlying message...it is the worst kind of insult.

[Drew]

Preach it, East! Be unapologetic about who you are, even if it doesn't fit snuggly in any one box or another.

I'm not exactly an expert, but I tend to notice the "oh I don't like gay bars....even though I haven't been to any/many" thing a lot from newly out guys. As mentioned above, going to one doesn't "segragate" you from "hetero people" because last time I checked, straight folks are free to go to gay bars too (and often do!). I can understand if you're a bit intimidated going by yourself; even I'm only just now getting used to going by myself (I've had bad experiences going by myself in the past, but loved going if I was with friends....now I'm a little more confident so I'm trying by myself again, wish me luck!). Maybe that's it; if you can find a friend willing to go with you maybe you'll warm up to them. But make your own timetable. Go to one that's chilled out and that doesn't have a shady reputation. Good luck!

[naterin11]

I was thinking of posting a question similar to this one, but I guess that's not necessary anymore. :/

At this point, I'm barely opening up to others about my sexual preference, so I guess that's a start. I'd like to get involved in a romantic relationship with someone because I feel so alone sometimes, but it seems hard to get things going. I know there's dating sites, but I'm not willing to pay the money at the moment. And Craigslist is mostly full of one night stands...I'm mainly stuck in trying to find guys around my age that are gay or bi as well, but I don't feel comfortable going up to people and saying "Hey, are you gay? Let's hang out." It just seems there's not too many opportunities to fall for someone, compared to straight relationships. The people that I fall for end up being straight, as far as I know anyways, so it hurts in the end when you know nothing's going to happen. Anyway, eventually someone will come along. No one should be alone forever, unless they let themselves be.