Its so wrong

[Anonymous]

Is it wrong of me to want someone I cant have?Someone whos not only claimed but completely uninterested? How can you tell if the things your doing to change yourself are what you really want or just to manipulate another into loving you? On one hand you want something so bad you would change your body forever but on the other hand you would do anything to stop yourself from doing it. This feeling so strong that comes out of no where and makes you question your every move. Your not even sure if your in love or lust or if your actions are just simple friendly gestures. How do you know for sure? What does it mean that I even care enough to over think? Whats wrong with me? I shouldnt already be in this place. I cant possibly be in love. It hasnt been nearly enough to make me love. So what is it? Whats wrong with me?

[jbrowder24]

It's not wrong to lust after someone unavailable, but it's not healthy to change yourself for anyone (available or not). A little curious on what you mean by changing your body, but a good relationship will be with someone who likes you for you, not because you change yourself for them. And just because you say lose weight or get a tattoo, that doesn't mean someone is going to start liking you - attraction is about far more than the physical, it's about the connection. If you are going to change yourself, it has to be things you want to make yourself feel better. Now, I've totally had thoughts like, "Man, I'm going to get so fit and then make sure my exes see that", I think it's normal to sometimes get these type of thoughts, but ultimately I know that won't make any difference and I need to do it for me.

Also, one of my ex's lied about a lot of things because he thought they'd make me like him more, and then didn't understand why I kept feeling so hurt upon each one being revealed. Had he been honest with me, whether it'd have been better or worse between us I do not know, but there'd definitely have been less hurt. I'm definitely for being honest and yourself, with people that there's an interest. Since this person is unavailable, it's best to focus on friendship and if it's too much, perhaps you need to give some distance to the situation.

[Bumpy]

Good advice jbrowder24, I'm sitting with almost the same situation as anon and I've tried the friends thing but it hurts too much. Rather try to put some distance between it as difficult as it sounds. I'm trying it now. It hard but I hope it works.