I need help from closet homosexuals. (I'm straight.)

[stafford]

Four years ago, I could never imagine being the popular kid, with friends being the ones organising a surprise birthday for me and trust me, it was fucking hard and I made a lot of mistakes in breaking out of my bubble, joining societies and clubs helped but at the end of the day its up to you to make that push.

Looking back now I've come a hell of a long way from being bullied at high school and it still scares the shite out of me talking to hot girls (and guys but thats the same for everyone. Your not alone with this as you've seen, especially the fear of dying alone. Thats everyones worst nightmare and its not something you would wish on yourself.

I get the whole castration thing, but thats just a cop out, the easy option. And not worth it.

My advice; make those mistakes. Develop a social life with work colleages, anyone you remotely know. Going to the pub is always a good idea (dutch courage...just dont drink too much) after work.

Whats the worst that could happen, you regret staying in your bubble; or looking back in four years time, further socially, emotionally and happier than you could ever have imagined.

[musicman2229]

I figured I would weigh in with my two cents. I am recently out (literally a week ago), and I have never had any type of sex or romantic relationship with anyone. Period. I'm 21 years old. I'm also a functioning member of society, a very competent student and talented musician, and a very devoted friend. How did I go 21 years without pursuing relationships or seeking sex? I stayed busy, studying and practicing, and otherwise occupying my mind at all times. For the record, it absolutely sucks. There's a reason I found my way to this site. If you want to live a life of chastity like a cloistered monk, that's fine, but understand that it will be deeply unpleasant. I've been chronically depressed, and constantly lonely since my early teens. The fact is, there is always a breaking point. I came on this site because I feel like I've reached mine. At some point your desire to get close to people may outweigh your social anxiety, and when that day comes, you should just go with it.

To answer your question, yes, I have as good as mastered the art (ha) of keeping my desires at bay. Yes, it is highly unpleasant and yes, I regret it. That said, I did it for 21 years. You will need to engross yourself in your work, and adopt a sort of bohemian lifestyle where all you do is strive toward some arbitrary goal. Trust me, it's not worth it, and in the long run it will not bring you happiness. Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

They can't force you. But if you say you will rape a child they will, like sex change. But I'm scared I'll still want a woman cause of companionship, like a girlfriend/wife.

I don't think castration takes away sexual desire nor does it take away the need for company. Some of the best known castrati were remarkable lovers and much sought because precisely, at that time, it was known that they wouldn't father unwanted bastards to ladies of high society.
Castration will only make sure that you have no sperm production and maybe it'll lesser your sexual needs. I really don't think it'll lower your need for companionship.

Some have said here that it was not possible to keep that sort of feelings at bay.
I think we can reasonably keep those feelings at bay when it is not a great imposition and when it is a personal choice ("Better be alone than badly partnered" the saying goes here). I managed it for 18 years, but I did get more and more lonely even if I had quite a social life and many friends.

In your case it seems pointless, as you must let your need for companionship express itself, whether in the bosom of a sexual relationship or in a close friendship. The only other orders that do things like that while not engaging in intercourse are the military and monks... But that doesn't even seem to meet your requirements, does it?

[princealbertofb]

I figured I would weigh in with my two cents. I am recently out (literally a week ago), and I have never had any type of sex or romantic relationship with anyone. Period. I'm 21 years old. I'm also a functioning member of society, a very competent student and talented musician, and a very devoted friend. How did I go 21 years without pursuing relationships or seeking sex? I stayed busy, studying and practicing, and otherwise occupying my mind at all times. For the record, it absolutely sucks. There's a reason I found my way to this site. If you want to live a life of chastity like a cloistered monk, that's fine, but understand that it will be deeply unpleasant. I've been chronically depressed, and constantly lonely since my early teens. The fact is, there is always a breaking point. I came on this site because I feel like I've reached mine. At some point your desire to get close to people may outweigh your social anxiety, and when that day comes, you should just go with it.

To answer your question, yes, I have as good as mastered the art (ha) of keeping my desires at bay. Yes, it is highly unpleasant and yes, I regret it. That said, I did it for 21 years. You will need to engross yourself in your work, and adopt a sort of bohemian lifestyle where all you do is strive toward some arbitrary goal. Trust me, it's not worth it, and in the long run it will not bring you happiness. Good luck.

You can start a romantic and sexual life at 21, it's perfectly possible.. The thing is not considering the time you've spent not trying out relationships as a waste of time;.. It was a time for other things, for self discovery sometimes, or for self denial but with an intent to improve other parts of you, such as your musicianship. Thank heaven for outlets!!!. I managed not to get into a relationship with anyone until I was 21 then had two close relationships that lasted about 4 years altogether. Then I went into relationship seclusion for 18 years and got over the last one that didnt work out... One can put one's sexual needs at bay for a while, but stifling them seems unnecessary. There will come a time when things come to a head and it's time for all that love to express itself again.
That's how I found my current partner. I wasn't looking, but I was ready once more.
Good luck, Musicman.

[Crs30]

First of all. I do realize and respect the fact that this is a gay site. That's why I wont introduce myself in the new members section. I'm only here for one question. Homosexuals have been abstinent from men for thousands of years. I assume there are members here that might keep their sexuality locked away.

I suffer from Social Anxiety. I cannot talk to anyone, yet alone courting a woman. I am even too shy to look at women. I have long since accepted that I'll be forever alone. I will not hire a prostitute. So I decided to stop wanting women. It worked for a while, I really didn't want any.

But now I want one so bad! It doesn't go away no matter what I do. Maybe there is a homosexual here that mastered to keep the desires at bay who could help me?

Please!

I haven't read the entire thread, so you may have developed new views or something since the time of the original post. Still, I'm going to share my thoughts.

Without going into an anthropological natural history recounting of homosexuality throughout history (there are books on the topic), I'd like to point out that lots of gay men have not had sex with men over the centuries. Many more, though, have. In some old cultures (Greece, for example) it was encouraged. The earliest recorded gay couple was in Egypt, 2400 BC. Anyway, this is all beside your primary point.

I'm not a PhD in psychology, but I've been studying it for a little while. It looks like you're comfortable enough talking to people on forums. That's a start. Work into other forums. Then, step into chat rooms. Once you're in a chat room, try video or audio chat. Once you're there, try a book club or running club or something at a gym or library or coffee shop. Then try a dating site. The idea behind this strategy is to systematically get more comfortable in social situations. Try each step for a few weeks or a month, then move on to the next. Something that will help is having a counselor you can talk to. Even better is a really close friend or two, or even a relative that is willing to listen to you without judgment.