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closeted friend/crush
#1
So for the past 5 months i have had the absolute worst crush i've ever had on this guy i met at school last semester. When i first met him, i immediately got the vibe that he was either gay or bisexual, and thats when i started to fall for him. Finally, i told him how i felt about him, but he told me he was straight. At first i just didnt believe him (because he had done certain things when we were drunk that strongly led me to beleive he was not 100% straight)... but after a few difficult months i was finally starting to accept the fact that he was straight. In the process, we became extremely good friends...

so then, last week i went to visit him in baltimore (he is taking some summer classes at MICA) and stayed with him for 2 nights. This was the first time i had ever been with him completely alone. We got extremely drunk, and i started getting a little touchy with him, just putting my arm around him and stuff like that. At first he just let me do it, but then after he got a little drunker he started doing it back. Finally, nearly at the point of blacking out and ready to go to bed, we were going to inflate this blow up mattress for me to sleep on... and then he says (to my surprise) something like "what if i told you i was a little bicurious, but that i couldn't do anything about it because of my family?" i dont remember exactly how i responded at this point, but the conversation ended with him saying "good! then we dont need to blow up the mattress."

So we ended up both sleeping in his bed... we were spooning, and at one point i think i put my hand down his pants but he said he didnt want to do anything sexual. around that time i passed out. When i woke up, he had moved to another room. He says he doesn't remember moving, but i'm assuming he woke up at some point in the night and sort of freaked out a little.

anyway, i'm not really sure what to do now. the next day, when i brought up the previous night, he just sort of denied it and once again claimed to be completely straight. a few days ago i texted him about it, just saying that i dont really understand why he would do those things with me if didn't mean it, and that it was kind of a cruel thing to do since he knows how i feel about him. he didnt respond. I know its not really in my place to try and force him out of the closet, but at the same time its not really fair for him to torture me like this either... he just makes me seem crazy because when he's sober he acts 100% straight and very convincingly denies that anything happened, so now im starting to question myself.... any advice?
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#2
I think the best thing you can do is just be a friend right now. If he is confused, he's probably scared and nervous about what that could mean. Tell him that you are there for him, even if you have feelings for him, you have to make it so that there is no pressure and he can trust you. Yes, you will probably be hurt since he won't reciprocate in the way you want, but at the same time you can be a real friend, just listen and be there for him.

Good luck!
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#3
i would love to help him because he truly is my friend despite the fact that i have feelings for him... but i dont see him coming out any time soon and its really beginning to disrupt my life... i've been severely depressed as a result of it, and i dont do anything anymore except mope around thinking about him. I was getting to close to getting over him, but then he gave me this false hope and now im right back at square one... and because we are such good friends, i see and talk to him constantly making it even harder to get over him. i just dont know what to do about it, but i certainly cant handle him doing things like spoon with me and then just acting like it didnt happen. i mean, is that being selfish?
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#4
I think he is either gay or bisexual, but he obviously understands that deep inside but he doesn't want to admit even to himself.

Sorry, but a straight guy would NEVER do something like that.
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#5
thats what im thinking Sad

if he was straight, i could get over him eventually, but if he's just really closeted then i will always have something to hang on to... makes the situation much worse for me because i dont see him coming out any time soon. His family would not be alright with it at all.
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#6
xfrjk72 Wrote:thats what im thinking Sad

if he was straight, i could get over him eventually, but if he's just really closeted then i will always have something to hang on to... makes the situation much worse for me because i dont see him coming out any time soon. His family would not be alright with it at all.

I think you should talk to him. Try to explain him how you feel... Tell him, that he must be honest to himself, he can lie to his family, but he can't lie to himself. The truth is, he might need to come out exactly right now - many people date some time and only then come out. If he doesn't feel fine about coming out now, it's alright. Give him some time on that. It might be much easier for him when he has your support. You're gay, so you can imagine how it feels for him deep inside, all this fight inside "i'm not damn gay, i'm just not".

Even if he doesn't want to come out now, he might want to come out when he has a boyfriend who he loves (it should be you Confusedmile: ). Believe a guy who came out to his sister this morning (the first person from my non-gay life who got to know). I'm single, but if I was in a relationship, I would be much braver. Rolleyes
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#7
yeah... i've told him many times how i feel about him, he just tells me that he is straight... But i dont really care so much if he comes out to the world, just to himself and just enough to give me a chance.
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#8
Hmmm... Getting drunk once again to make him talk?
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#9
hahahah that is currently my only plan... this wasn't the first time something like this happened. his drunk self has been very slowly becoming more open to the idea, and im hoping eventually this will transfer to his sober mindset haha, but no idea if that will work!
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#10
you should try. he is definitely more open when he is drunk, which is quite understandable anyway. get him to the point he no longer can tell you he is straight - let him either come out while he is drunk or see if he lets you kiss him.
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