Hi, I am new to this site and I have a question, or rather a problem of sorts. First let me explain some things about myself. I usually always smile and am nice to people however my way of thinking is usually all business’ and little to no emotion evolved in the process (yes I feel emotions I just have a tendency not to show it) and I don’t act mannish but I am not feminine either. Well to get to the point there is this guy that I had been kind of serious with in the past and we had not spoken in awhile. Well we ran into each other a few months ago at a friends birthday party. We have meet a few time for drinks and dinner and it really has been nice. However, he is 42 and I am 25. This became an issue only because he does not want kids because he is to ‘old’ (in his words, which is why we broke up in the 1st place). We are truly perfect for one another the only problem is that we were born to many years apart. I just wont compromise on this one issue. What are your thoughts?
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I am 24, and one of my lovers is 40. Like your situation, I definitely want kids, and he doesn't, but unlike your situation, I don't feel he's the One. To me the kids issue is a deal breaker, no matter how perfect otherwise you guys are. Just my 2 cents
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I just wont compromise on this one issue.
You answered your own question here.
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worknlife Wrote:However, he is 42 and I am 25. This became an issue only because he does not want kids because he is to ‘old’
I disagree 42 is not too old. Suppose you two were fairly serious and organised and were Dad's by the time he was 45, when the kid(s) were 20 he would only be 65. (My Dad was 49 when I was born.) I wonder if his age is not the only reason?
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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Just as you are sure of your point of view he is sure of his. The only compromise means one of you changing your position. If that isn't going to happen willingly and with grace it is not going to work. It's not age that is the issue, but the fact you want different things.
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To be honest with you all age is not an issue at all I just thought his thoughts were important, I mostly date guys that are 5 plus years older than me. And to be further more honest with you ‘fredv3b’ as I brought up the conversation more and more he got more and more irritated and I then became more and more bitchy to him. We were serious about being together and we both have good jobs/careers and are pretty stable but I want to finish my degree process first (decided after the break up) and the field I am going into requires a masters or higher degree. As we recently got back in touch with each other I have not brought up the issue. I really want to bring it up but, I have not yet. I really want to be with him and I really want children.
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When one parent wants more kids and the other doesn't, it doesn't work... it's a trust issue... But women can trick men into having children, men can't trick their partners with this so it could be a better thing in the end. If you badly want kids, maybe you need to consider finding a partner that also wants them...
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If he feels too old to start with an infant, would adopting an older kid be something that you guys could do and be happy with that?
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I always wanted to adopt children. I just never thought about adopting an older child or at least starting with an older child. That is good food for thought.
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