Serious Problem with Guy

[Anonymous]

Alright this might be lengthy, but I would really appreciate any help you guys can give me! I wouldnt really care much about this sort of issue but I've never felt the way I do about this guy towards any other guy. I can't explain it, but anyways here is the story.

So a guy joined an organization I am in at school. We'll call him Mike. Well, Mike and I are alike yet opposite and we mesh really, really well as friends. I started to like him after about two months (we met in January and March was when I started to like him). Well he's a naturally flirtatious person so whenever he and I interacted in the office people thought we were flirting and pretty much everyone says we'd be great together. So around April I told him that I was having feelings that were more than friendship (over facebook since our schedules made it COMPLETELY impossible to talk in person for like 3 weeks) and that I wanted to ask him out and was interested in a relationship.

His verbatim reply: "You are cool dude, but I am not interested. I am sorry. I don't really talking about this face to face with people, because I do not like seeing disappointment on people's faces." So I was disappointed but I got over it.

Jump to June, this month. Out of the blue he asks me to go drinking with him. At first I thought it was a ploy to get me to drive him around or to help him get a job or something but it wasn't. We hung out for a few hours, he invited only me, even though some friends of ours joined us later. And last week I asked him to go out again and he suggested we just drink at his house. We had a great time and got along really well as friends. He did mention once that he wished a guy on his team (sports) was gay because he was really cute. He gave me a wierd look like he was trying to analyze me when he said it. Anyways long story short we're pretty good friends now.

NOW to my question. He knows I am gay. He is gay. We both get along fantastically as friends, and we were only acquaintances back when I sent that message. Is he possibly wanting to scope out the possibility of a relationship with me? He knows I was interested in him, I know he was getting out of a bad relationship when I asked him that the first time, and he didnt specify whether he wasnt interested in me or in a relationship. I'm not expecting a definitive mind reading answer, but any advice from guys older and wiser than myself would be appreciated. I just find it confusing that he suddenly out of nowhere wants to be friends when he has plenty of guy and girl friends. He's an enigma, one of the reasons I'm crazy about him lol.

Thanks mile:
M

[fredv3b]

How many gay friends does he have? My guess he has realised he could do with having a guy he can talk to about guys with, someone who is going through the same sort of stuff as he is. You would seem to fit the bill.

Just my tuppence worth....

[Bookworm]

Its possible that he just wants another gay guy to hang out with and compare notes, and perhaps you may be reading too much into the situation due to your feelings towards him.
Its also worth keeping in mind that he knows how you feel about him, and thus, it might suit him to have you around to stroke his ego - which may be why he mentioned the guy on his sports team just to gauge your reaction to see if it made you jealous. Some people enjoy these types of mind games, playing on the emotions of others.
Just some things to think about.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice.

I don't think he's taking advantage of me or keeping me around for his ego. He recently went way out of the way to help me after an unexpected surgery. We've become really good friends in the past week or so.

Unfortunately he stated last night when we were talking about relationships that he didnt want one because he didnt want to date a guy that would get attached to him two years before graduation. It's complicated but at this point I don't think he'll get into a relationship with anyone :/ I guess all I can hope at this point is that we be great friends.

[KnightShade]

Anonymous,

One quick note here. When someone makes a statement that you are not sure of.......ask him a direct question, "Why did you say that? Are you interested in a relationship after all?"

It helps to clear the air by being direct. If you just try to guess what his feelings are you could be guessing a long time and still be incorrect. So ASK!! LOL!! When you want to know something then being shy is the wrong thing to be. Save the "shy" stuff for when you want to flirt with him. Be direct instead.

[jbrowder24]

Sometimes statements like that, about not wanting to get attached, are polite ways to keep things from becoming serious with someone that you don't see yourself dating but are open to getting to know as friends (and possibly friends with benefit depending). It may be true to an extent too... he might be more focused on study and career.... but if he felt the right guy for him came along, he probably wouldn't use that excuse. I may be completely wrong in this, but I think a lot of guys try and be nice about things. If this is the case though, the good thing about it is it means he does care about your feelings as a friend. And if I'm wrong, then he's just indeed focused on other priorities but still seems into you as a friend. So it might not be what you've wanted, hoping for more, but at least you get to hang out with a cool guy. And perhaps either his priorities or his level of desire to date you will change someday in the future, you never know. But don't sit there waiting - enjoy the friendship but keep yourself open to guys that seem willing to make you a priority

[dfiant]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice.

I don't think he's taking advantage of me or keeping me around for his ego. He recently went way out of the way to help me after an unexpected surgery. We've become really good friends in the past week or so.

Unfortunately he stated last night when we were talking about relationships that he didnt want one because he didnt want to date a guy that would get attached to him two years before graduation. It's complicated but at this point I don't think he'll get into a relationship with anyone :/ I guess all I can hope at this point is that we be great friends.

From personal experience, I would say this guy is in a place in his life where he is unsure of a lot of things and is questioning his sexuality based on the friendship and bond that has developed between the 2 of you.

It also sounds like he has high morals, to not want to be involved in a relationship at this point in time in essence could be saying 'I'm not sure what I want, I'm not in a good place and I don't want to hurt anyone until I know where I am at.'

My best advice, continue as you are. You will always have the bond you have formed. The future may see things change, it may not, but either way you are going to have a best mate at the very least, and you can't have to many friends like this, but you can have too few