Is my friend gay and into me?

[jacobaudi93]

***(If you don't feel like reading the whole thing, feel free to skim it...I would just like a lot of good advice and reasoning. Thanks so much!)***
So I'm 17 and gay. I'm also in the closet and not one of those "stereotypical efffeminate gays." My friend (also a guy and 17), who I've known for a couple years and am in LOVE with, has been acting kind've gay the past several months, ESPECIALLY to me. I really REALLY like him so it would be cool if he is gay. We both go to the same high school and swim yearround together. Although we talk a lot, we don't txt or hang out very much at all (except at practice and school). He does things like: slaps my a**, tells me I'm sexy or cute, says he wants to f**k me and loves me, is very touchy-feely, has asked me to be his boyfriend (if he was a girl or even as is), asked if I'd hook up with him, randomly hugs me, and once said "your watch doesn't match your sexy outfit." I get that there are a lot of straight guys who act gay just to be funny, but is he going too far? Yes, he does much of this in a joking manner, but a lot of it he says in a very serious manner too--like he has told me that he is in fact gay (yet I just "brush it off" as a joke, and we both continue to just be friends). And he also says/does this when we're around others or alone...doesn't matter.

He has also called me gay and often makes fun of me (like at practice today, for stupid sh*t idc), and when I get mad he says "I love you" and hugs me and just stares and smiles at me A LOT. He randomly commented on how "sexy" I am today and was all touchy with me. He sometimes says HI to me multiple times or does other annoying stuff just to get my attention. We also compete in just about everyything, school, looks, etc.

But he: talks about f**king girls (has never actually f**ked a girl before,,might still be prude), has had one girlfriend before (who is apparently now bi), is seemingly into this other girl right now (but I don't think they're going out or have even done anything, and could be a cover-up?), makes frequent gay jokes, says the stupid "my d**k is bigger" joke, and talks about how much pu*sy he or I or someone else would get, blahblahblah. He can be VERY moody at times too. Like at least once a week he'll be completely miserable (won't even talk that much to me or others)...this is very unlike him, as he's usually really energetic and kind've immature. Yes, he may come off as straight to those who don't know him well and there are others on our swim team who pretend to be gay with me, but Ijust get this vibe from this guy in particular like he's telling me something.

However, He's OBSESSED with his body (is very much into lifting and admires himself in the lockerroom mirror,etc--thinks himself is sexy), is all masculine (the way he walks, talks, and acts), and eats extremely healthy--never eats anything that he thinks’ll make him "fat." Just seems kindve superficial and self absorbed (like myself). *Yet he does make gay jokes a lot.* He’s even leaned his head on my shoulder a few times and always stares and smiles at me and randomly hugs me. *I've actually told him that I'm gay and he's told me that he's gay too (in a serious manner), but I feel like we both just don't take it seriously and don't follow up with any action...THAT IS THE PROBLEM!

So is he gay (or at least bi/curious) and into me? Please explain WHY you think so? WHAT SHOULD I DO TO GET THE BALL ROLLING? Thanks so muchmile:

[Yuki]

I cannot say anything conclusive although Bi could be a big possibility. As to whether he's truly into you, and you said that he told you that he too is gay, I think you should ask him in a friendly manner not like your intruding into something private you know what I'm saying?

[ZackT]

I'd try and get him somewhere private and seriously ask him and see what happens. I think this guy will either tell you he's gay/bi, brush it off with jokes and never give you a straight answer (which I would take to mean he's gay/bi and uncomfortable with admitting it), or he'll tell you he's been joking around all this time.

No matter what happens, it'd do you good to know exactly where you two stand.

[dfiant]

There is no way to definitively say your friend is gay, but it would seem that he is not uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuals or homosexuality. To act like he does show that he seems to be rather secure within himself, but wether he is gay, str8 or bi, I would not even hazard at a guess even with the info you have given.

Sit down with him, tell him you want to chat seriously, talk it out, the only way you are going to find out for sure is to talk with him, share your feelings and take it from there.

All the best

[LiZaRD_PlaNET]

Maybe he's in the same situation a you - you mentioned you're in the closet. He jokes about gay stuff and maybe, just maybe, he is confused about his own sexuality. It might be good to find out what other friends think without becoming too inquisitive about or insinuating anything about his sexuality.

[princealbertofb]

I think your 'friend' would get the greatest jolt or shock if you were actually to move in on him... ie, you do the initiating or anything romantic. Maybe he's all words and no acts because he can't bring himself to be brave enough to "get the ball rolling", as you say. I'd say he's probably a little bi-curious, at least, and maybe he senses that he's comfortable with you, probably because he
1) has taken it seriously that you were gay (so he doesn't have to pretend) and
2) because you are quieter about your sexuality and maybe he's dying to get you into his arms. So he's coaxing you, in a way.

My question is: are you brave enough to kiss him, or get him quietly on the side some day for a 'date'. You'll only really know how he feels towards you if you get him on his own, not just fooling around when the swimming team is around. Get him on his own, that way neither of you need be embarrassed if it doesn't go the way you hope.

Be prepared however, on his reaction not being the one you expected. It could go either way:
- he may feel threatened by this, so try to make it a good experience for both of you, even if it's not going to go any further (put it down to experience and move on, retaining your friendship, if you can)
- or he might have been waiting just for you to make that move.

People who are immature and brag, as you describe him, are not necessarily the most experienced, and they just wish they had that experience... It's a bit like gagging for something to happen. You are both 17 and probably your hormones are raging, so anything sexual would sound fine.

If you are the quieter, less assured one (in his mind), show him that still waters run deep... ;) I'm sure he won't regret it.

[posterpicture]

Seem really gay for me.
Just from my personal experience.
I had girl friend in high school, almost had sex with her.
I talked about fucking girl all the time in high school as a way to comfort internal homophobia
I OBSESSED with my body. Lift weight, take shit load of product.
and

I am gay.

It 's so funny how you consider yourself not a "stereotypical efffeminate gays" and think that most gay guys are "stereotypical efffeminate gays."
I think princealbertofb offers really good solution. Man up and ask him.

[Miles]

From what you've posted it seems like he's gone past the 'secure-straight-guy-joking-around' thing into realm of 'interested-in-guys-and-strongly-hinting-with-jokes-to-retain-plausible-deniability'. But it's up to you to find out for sure if he was really as serious about being gay as you thought. He may be batting for both teams, so that could explain the girl thing if it isn't just a cover.

[toomuch45]

dude you should definitely find some where and tell him especially the part where he said he thinks hes sexy when most guys say that that means theyre gay to me i agree with posterpicture

[Yosuke]

I wish my best friend were into me lol. The only cute guy I know in our very small town that is gay and is of course not into me at all. Oh well.

You on the other hand need to bring him aside. With what you've described I think a serious conversation is in order. You can be like 'look, I appreciate your friendship, but I'm gay, and when you do that it makes me think you may be hitting on me' And see where it goes from there. If you say the right things you may end up in a relationship or as just friends, it's up to you. But you need to open the lines of communication with him. No matter how it goes, honesty is important in any friendship or relationship.