Crush on a straight guy

[wouldlikemuscle]

Yes, I've read the Straight crush thread, but that was about having a crush on the opposite gender... else would have posted the following there instead. But that thread kinda prompted me to make this one...

Have you had a crush on a straight guy (or straight girl for all our females in the house)?

How did you deal with it and did you ever let on? If so, what was the reaction?


For me... yes I do have a crush on a straight guy... I've never met him tho but we've chatted loads on MSN... he's been a good shoulder for me lately as I've had some hellish problems of late, which is probably why I feel the way I do... I keep saying to myself, and I've told this to one or two people - that he'd be the perfect boyfriend if it wernt for the fact he's straight... and has a gf.
He's also been having a few probs of his own so we've been consoling each other really... and I randomly think about him during the day, and genuinely worry about him during his bad periods. It feels like there's a really tight bond there... I would like to meet him, see if he's the same person at least IRL than just online... but he's quite a distance away (I'm London, he's just North of Leeds).

No I haven't said anything to him... although did message him with a xxx when I was exiting the chat once... he responded with ((manly hug)) ! lol.

[Dan1089]

(Except to ensure the survival of the human race & the elimination of an extintion)What's the purpose of straight men?!!I've had plenty of crushes but I've never & will never act on my infatuations.

[Shadow]

Wouldlikemuscle,

If ever you need to chat, just look me up - sounds like you've already got things well covered with your straight mate, but the offer's there.

As for your question, yes - absolutely. It isn't the type of thing I really feel comfortable discussing quite as openly as I do most things, as it's extremely personal to me, but I'm ok with speaking about it on a 1-2-1.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[wouldlikemuscle]

Thanks Shadow... I've already discussed things thru with a few people... my closest mates and the guy online - he happened to catch me at my lowest point and was there to listen and has offered some sound advice, which is why I ended up telling him everything... more than what I told my mates, which I reckon is why I have this crush on him - I'm normally the type of guy who just bottles everything up and either diffuse the bomb or let it go bang... if it goes bang, its usually at the wrong person!

Dan... I know I wouldn't act on it... but its a case of would I ever tell him I've developed feelings, rightly or wrongly, for him... I doubt I would because it could end a good friendship before its begun... it also just seems a bit odd to me... afterall, he is still technically a complete stranger to me!

[Shadow]

No worries babe - there are a BILLION questions that go through your mind at a time like that ...

"Should I tell him how I feel ?"
"What if it scares him away ?"
"What if he already knows ?"
"What if he doesn't know, but he's cool with it ?"
"What if he says (in an ideal world) he'd like to give it a go ?"
"Ok so that's unlikely, but what if he's ok with carrying on as we are ?"
"What's the right thing to do ?"

... and so on ...

I know exactly how you feel ...

One thing we tend to underestimate when viewing the situation from a single perspective though, is just how observant other people can be ...

He didn't bawk when you sent him those three kisses - he responded with ... what was it ? *manly hug* ?? Which, whilst I don't want to overinflate the situation as that won't benefit anybody, was a nice response on his part, so it's quite possible that he already has a sense that you might be ... let's say "rather keen" on him ... mile:.

Bottling things up is a very understandable way of trying to deal with it - I tried to do that for years, but it got to the stage where I started to fray a bit at the edges (a marked understatement, but there we go), and just had to get it off my chest ... :redface:.

Anyhow - as I say, I'm here if you need me - it's an open-ended invitation xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[wouldlikemuscle]

I may well take you up on that offer for this situation... after some shut-eye anyway... Thanks again shadow mile:

[Michael]

Always tricky......

And getting more so since so many guys are now quite comfortable having gay friends. The lines start to blear and it's easy for us to let our imaginations (read:hopes) up.

I think it depends on how big your crush is. If you can manage it and it's in a "would be nice but I'll let it go and it will soon pass" phase, then I'd say just ride it out. It's really hard to stay fixated on someone who just doesn't return it.

BUT...if you can't let it go, and he seems to be as ok as you've stated, I'd let him know. There is nothing more final than being told it's not going to happen. Doesn't matter if you're gay or straight, being told it is never going to be takes away our ability to fool ourselves and purposley mistake frienship with romance.

OR, you could actually meet. Very often people we are crazy about online just fall flat when we actually meet them. Chemistry just isn't there. Like long distance romances, online lets us create a perfect person when the real one isn't there. And no one creates a dud.....

[Shadow]

You're welcome Wouldlikemuscle - don't get me wrong, I won't be at all offended if you'd rather not - I just know what you're going through so I wanted you to know if I can help, or you think I can help, I'm at your disposal mile:.

... and yeah Michael, you're right ... of all the people that I've met online and later met in person, whilst I got all their personalities spot on from having spoken with them ... the vast majority of them weren't as they had described themselves, and you can't really return human beings or complain about false advertising ...

I should like to point out that I did not meet the majority of them for sex or anything other than friendship ... I just slipped repeatedly, as the floors in our place are so very, very dodgy. KIDDING !!!!! What must you think of me - NO, I met them as friends.

ANYHOW, having met my current boyfriend through the internet, I have to say that my faith in it as a medium for doing so has been completely restored !! He's EXACTLY how he describes himself, EXACTLY what I need, and EXACTLY the kind of man I could see myself with.

But that's just an aside ... I'm not suggesting for a moment that actually meeting this lad wouldn't go swimmingly, largely because you're not meeting him FOR anything - just to see how things might develop ... so yeah - I'd want to meet him if I were in your shoes, deffo ...

... you never know - he might just smell wrong (I place a lot of importance on my sense of smell), or he might have terrible manners, or he might be THE sweetest guy you'll ever meet ... there are just so many aspects you cannot practically consider without having the physical reality of the man in front of you to complete the picture ...

babe.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

Don't discount your sense of smell,

They say that is how so many of us actually fall in love with another person. When they talk about "chemistry" in a relationship, that is what is meant. Our noses go first. So the people we may have nothing in common with at all and can't figure out why we are hooked? Quite possibly the nose is at fault!

But I see no reason why you shouldn't meet up. He is straight by the way so it's not like you are meeting for a date. So you get to make (possibly) a new friend while (most likely) putting your crush into place when you realize in person that it's not going to work.

Unless he turns out to be absolutley perfect and one of those huggy hetero's which may mess you up a bit :-) But chances are you'll be in good shape. You may make a new friend and the reality check of real life should dispell the crush...at least sooner rather than later.

[wouldlikemuscle]

Thank you both for your comments...

There is a distance issue that does put a barrier up for actually meeting.. around 200 miles... not that should mean its impossible by a long shot.

I also think, that it would almost feel like going on a date.. or at least I would have the same feelings going on inside me as if I was on a first date.

I don't think he's a huggy hetero type.. which is in all reality, a good thing.