Okay.. So I posted a thread on here weeks ago saying how I've been having dreams of my boyfriend "flirting, but yet actually hooking up" with other guys, including my ex.
My boy just told me the other day that he jacks off to other guys. When I asked who, he didn't want to tell me.
F*ck (excuse my language), but I was just getting over a jealousy issue, and he lays this on me. So how do I go about this? Okay, I admit I've done it before. But the way he talked about it made it seems like he does that often. How am I supposed to take this? I'm just a guy who has his insecurities, and that's probably why it's bothering me. Even still, he reassures his love for me.
The weird part is that I can't pick what emotion I feel the most. It's not quite jealousy, mad, or sad.. but I guess it's a bit of each. He used to have a problem with me watching porn. And now he's thinking about other guys. I find that way worse than me watching porn, but I guess he got over that. I would've preferred him not to tell me.
Help anyone? My feelings for him are turning into hatred, and I don't want it to be that way. I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be with him anymore.
F*ck I have issues. Help?
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Let me clarify when I say other guys..
Guys that I know, guys that I've hooked up in the past before him, guys that are acquaintances.
I guess it's normal for guys, esp gay guys, to think about other guys other than their boyfriend, but how do I cope with these feelings? Like I said above, I was getting over a jealousy issue I was having regarding my dreams.. so now it all just backfired.
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I think it's just a trust issue. My girlfriend has lots of those. Not because I really give her a reason to not trust me, but like you (I think), she's a bit insecure and jealous. I think maybe you should try and remind yourself that no matter who he fantasizes about, you're the one he's choosing to be with, and that's more than just sexually.
I don't know if you've ever done something similar. Can you remember a time if you've ever jacked off to thoughts of someone you know OTHER than your current boyfriend (or any past ones if that applies)?
Hopefully you can come to a position where you don't feel threatened by his admission. On one hand, I think it was pretty honest and open for him to tell you. On the other hand, it mighta been better left unsaid. I dunno which way to go on that one.
I'd mostly just suggest, try not to push him away. Try not to fill your head with doubt and worry, because that'll just make things worse. Is he happy? Are you happy? If yes to both, then try and enjoy yourself 
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Yeah I'm pretty sure it's trust issues. It's funny because it used to be the other way around. He was insecure because of me but I trusted him no doubt. It's like the tables has turned and I don't know how to handle it. He hasn't done anything at all to make me mistrust him. It's just that I've been having dreams that he's been flirting with other dudes, and now he tells me this... I can't help but correlate the two.
And yeah I've done it, not in a while, but I usually stick to porn. But he just kept naming guys and hesitating to tell me who else. Well I guess it's just porn in your head. In my head I know all the logical reasons to not feel threatened, but my feelings take over a lot of the times.
The thing is, my feelings for him aren't as strong as they used to be so I've been trying to salvage them and try to make our relationship be the best it can be. He used to be the most sensitive guy and him and I both know he's changed. But when he told me that, all my wanting to nourish our relationship diminished. So I'm just here... waiting to see where everything goes. Not wanting to do anything about it. A 'sucky' feeling that I doesn't make me happy.
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maybe he's finding a way to break up with you... so he just went ahead and tell you he was jacking other men without thinking about your feelings? wow your boyfriend is cold 0__0
one more thing, how old is your bf? maybe he's too young for commitments..
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We're the same age. Both 22. I'm his first boyfriend, but I've had several before him. So yeah, I've thought about that too. Maybe he needs HIS space. He asked me the other day if I ever wanted to experience things and just be single to let him know. Who says that? But he always assures me that he loves me and that he wants to be with me forever. I honestly can't tell when he's lying or not.
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tell him that he's hurting you,,. i will literally slap him if he did that to me! probably sing beyonce's "Irreplaceable" too, but thats just me... i'm sure he's a great guy but he's gotta respect you too man!
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It sounds like what I'm doing/going through.
I don't want to break up with my girl but I just don't feel as close as I used to. I'm not going and telling her that though, and I ain't suggesting we see other people maybe or fantasize about other people. I have enough sense not to stress her out like that.
My first couple of relationships, I was a major retard. I wasn't a terrible boyfriend but I could've been a lot better, and I needed a lot of space. I still do. Maybe that is what he needs, I don't know enough to really give a solid opinion on that. But maybe he's got the itch to go out and "be young", you know? If that's the case, he may just be feeling guilty for feeling that way because he really does care about you, but also wants to be free.
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That's the thing! He asked if I ever wanted to be on a break and be single just tell him. Idk what kind of boyfriend would say that. Then next day he tells me he jacks off to other guys. But I asked if he was the one that wanted the break, he said no. So I honestly don't know what to do..
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I know I rarely have the guts to say "yes" to a question like that, even if that's what I'm really feeling.
Maybe he's the same way, but maybe he really means that he doesn't want a break. I don't know enough to tell.
The most simple solution is to have a real sit down talk with him and try and get to the bottom of this. Why he told you about him jacking it to other guys, why he brought up a break, how you feel about your relationship now and how he feels about it, etc...it's a lot easier said than done though. Dunno what exactly would come out of a talk like that, but that's the only thing I can think of that'll speed the process along.
Otherwise, just sit back and wait and see where it goes.
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