Letting go...

[Dan1089]

Making friendships can be a very stressful period but to me,nothing hurts more than the death of a friendship.One minute,we were best buddies & spent all our time together & the next,we're ignoring each other,pretending that we don't exist.This sounds like a high school drama but it happened this year.I stopped blaming myself over it & slowly mourned it's death.Thankfully,I found a rebound best mate!

[Shadow]

Awwwwwwww babe !! .

I am sure that whoever your ex-best mate was, it's their loss, and your new-best mate's gain !!

But yes - I too have trouble sometimes when friendships pass on ... so I tend to assume that people will come and go as they see fit, and I've grown to accept this of most people ... however, a best friend is somebody you should have for life, so I would be REALLY gutted if either of my best mates were to ditch me ... it would be like losing a relative or a lover ... NOT cool :frown:.

So you do have my sympathies ... x

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

Wow, interesting thread and thought.

In my business, this is something I have experienced many times throughout my life. Stranagers comming together in a strange land with no back baggage and nothing in common really except the experience of being strangers in a strange land. It's you against them and friendships form fast and hard and on some levels deeper than any I have ever had.

You take each other at face value and out of ...loneliness, fear, desperation believe those face values or reject any attempt to go deeper...or really have the time to dig deeper. Hard, fast and on an emmotional and sometimes physical level that cuts quickly to the chase and forms a bond that is incredible.

Unfortunatley, these friendships rarely pass the "real world". Back at home, when real life, cultures, family and existing freinds and lifestyles re-intrude...these friendships slip away like the cotton candy friendships they were. Big and fluffy but with little substance or staying power.

But for those few short weeks or months I've lived a lifetimes worth. I'll never get them back, the vast majority I've never seen or heard from again, but I'm sure we'll never forget each other either.

[Shadow]

I think it also depends on how easily you fall in and out with people ... Dan1089, you said that (and I quote) :-

Making friendships can be a very stressful period

Do you find yourself the kind of guy that prefers to take his time when assessing whether you want to be somebody's friend ? Or are you perhaps one of the "I have a lot of acquaintances, but few true friends" kinda guys ? Or do you befriend everybody as best you can and see how things develop from there ?

If you find that you really want to befriend certain people, then I think you're naturally placing a greater importance on their friendship than that of others, and so whilst the rise is greater, so too can be the fall ...

There isn't anything I can really suggest to alter the situation, as there's nothing wrong with it from your end certainly ... it's just an observation, so I hope I don't offend x

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Dan1089]

shadow,there you go over-analysing my statement,you cute intellectual you!What I meant was that when I'm establishing a friendship,I tend to ruse as Mr Perfect.You know,presenting an image of flawlessness.When I'm making friends,I study them for a long period time of time & only then can I let them in my inner circle.I know it sounds snobby but that's how I've been raised,you just don't let just ANYONE in.In my social circle,friendships come & go just like that.

[Shadow]

:redface: thanks hun mile:,

So I was kinda right then - your way of approaching friendships is to take your time and not just let any Tom, Dick or Harry into your most intimate confidence, and there's obviously nothing wrong with that at all - it's wearing your heart on your sleeve but with a level-headed approach, fair play :biggrin:.

Obviously, as I say, the downside to that is that when you do feel (which should of course be a very rare occurrence if indeed it happens at all) that you've been let down by the people you consider to be your true friends, then the pain of that disappointment weighs that much heavier on your brow than it might for somebody else ...

... but as I've also already said, I really don't see anything wrong with your approach - it's pragmatic, and reduces the likelihood of you being taken for a ride early on in a friendship, which is a good thing ... it's just a great shame that you've had to see this friendship slip away but, as I say, it's their loss - you're obviously destined for greater things !!

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!