Sometimes i do feel trapped, hopeless, alone, desperate, excluded and that i am missing on something and feeling like that have cost me A LOT in long term. Then i manage to kick it off by doing things i like. Could be from going for a walk in the park alone or with friends, to taking on new adventures hobbies, projects, and try a new activity to gain my confidence back.
I havent been to the doctor when i was feeling depressed because i know what he will say. Find out why i am feeling that way and try to kick it off the best way i can. I ve learned to do both of these things. Being active is a key on everything. I dont always manage to do that so i will be in my room or a room with a lot of people feeling alone and sorry for myself.
I wont take any kind of medication personally not even for heartburns. Human spirit is so strong and can overcome everything or almost everything. When it cant then medication will be the last resort. When i was a student i had counseling offered in the campus and it helped. Fight back that's what i do!
Communication is important. Your flatmate probably doenst know how to help than being light make a joke to make you feel better or that is what she thinks or doesnt have time to do differently.
As for people ...can be judgmental and when you need support they step on you and get you (me) down... thats my personal experience i am talking from.
Being able to talk to someone trustworthy and wont think less of you gives so much energy and not feeling so alone. I dont like to admit it but here you go... i have serious trust issues. And can lead to depression in one way or another. Of course i am not saying that depression is related only to that , i use this as an example.
Like i do with everything that effects me negatively I had to start taking down the reasons i dont trust anyone and picking carefully who is trustworthy and genuinely supportive.
Tell to yourself: I dont do depression anymore, i am strong! and you are halfway there. The other half is to know what to take action on and do it. If you need help with these then dont be shy!! give me a shout too. 
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Awwwwwwwwwwww babe !!!!!!  xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Since she's your roommate, I guess you two spend quite a bit of time together, so I'm going to assume that you consider her a friend ? Or at the very least "alright" ? So would I be safe in assuming that you'd like to be able to discuss this type of thing with her ?
Well, she and I get along and we are both in Classics. So I see her at home and at school every day. Before we became roommates, she and I only spoke at school. So I do consider her a friend, but not like one of my 'mates'.
I would like to let her know that I am experiencing some type of distress, especially since we share classes and I don't want her telling the prof. "well he seems fine to me".
1) The quantity of work you're expected to turn out, its complexity and, more specifically, how much of your average day it takes up;
Generally about 100-200 lines of Latin or Greek translation for every class. Which equalls about 350-600 lines a week. Timewise, it should take me about 10 hours to do 200 lines. However, this scheme works when I'm dealing with a simple author like Herodotus. But Greek Lyric is much more complicated because of different styles, rare vocabulary, and dialects. Then there is Latin, which I am not that good at, and it takes me about 6-7 hours to do only 100 lines.
Plus, I am a TA and have to schedule tutorials, and end up marking assignment every week which takes about 2-4 hours.
2) How physically active you are - do you run, do you do a martial art, etc., etc.
The only physical thing I do is walk to and from school, which is a 45 minute walk.
3) Your diet - are you a bummy student dieter ? Or do you take your physical development quite seriously;
Well, I don't eat that great... usually toast (whole wheat) with cereal in the morning. Something mid-day, whether it be a donut, a hot-dog, burger etc... usually not the healthiest thing in the world. For dinner I occasionally cook something like soup (tomato), chick breasts, tacos. Or I will go out. But more often when I'm busy, I'll just have another bowl of cereal or a snack.
4) How socially-active you are - do you belong to any student unions, clubs, frat house, that kind of thing ?
I used to, but not now since I've moved. Basically my social interaction just come from being at the shared office at school.
5) Friends-wise, who do you hang out with whilst you're there ? Do you have a large group of people to kick around with ? Or do you prefer to keep your own company ?
I have two friends that went to the university I graduated from, but I've only known them for the last two years or so, and we barely interacted outside of school. I mostly talk to my roommate, but I will try to hang out with my other friend and her boyfriend because they are really easy-going and nice. But I do wish I had my really good friends around, but they moved to the other side of the country in April and I haven't seen them since.
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Well i am actually in a very simmilar situation as you i.e friends are a £300+ flight away form London. Can you visit your friends and family often? how often? Would be so good for you. Friends makes us feel...hmmm sane, at least my friends do that to me.
However from the sound of it you have an all normal student life style but will be better if you change your daily plan and diet. Give an hour to your self everyday to socialize, exercise, going out, watch your favorite tv series, join a club, activities ect. Each day chose to do one of these in your 'happy hour' of the day. Is essential.
Dieting has a lot to do with our mental health. It's crucial! Can you cook?? Stick a roast in to the oven with some potatoes and have a very energy filling meal. Its easy too... you only need to know how to unpack, put them in the tray salt/pepper and right to the oven. If you are vegeterian hmmm i have something good... excuse the spelling ... vegetarian squash in the oven... its like that long pumpkin ..cut in half empty the seed and fill it with whatever you like ... cherry tomato, mozzarella, even rice and whatever you have in the fridge. when is ready it melts in your mouth and sends you to heaven!
If you are not fussed about cooking then fair enough , eat fruits! Fruit salads are excellent even an apple and a banana.
Healthy life style is all what you need to feel great, start from those. Its not easy and takes effort and self disciplines but you can do it. 
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Hokay, I'll break this down into bits to keep it focused  mile: ...
Your roommate :-
Quote:Well, she and I get along and we are both in Classics. So I see her at home and at school every day. Before we became roommates, she and I only spoke at school. So I do consider her a friend, but not like one of my 'mates'.
I would like to let her know that I am experiencing some type of distress, especially since we share classes and I don't want her telling the prof. "well he seems fine to me".
Ok, so we're putting her in the bracket of somebody you would like to confide in and, since I am taking it as read that your take on her is her take on you (which is perhaps a bit of a leap, but not an unreasonable assumption I believe), I think it might be an idea to sit her down either in your room, or to go for a walk with her to discuss some classics issue, and then sit on a bench and ask her whether you can talk to her about something that's quite serious for you, because you feel you can trust her and you'd like her input ...
... that will set the scene and let her know that this is NOT a laughing or joking matter, and that it is something you are bringing her on board to speak with you about. If she betrays that trust, then I'll be surprised ... and disappointed, but you can always chuck in the "I'd rather you didn't speak to anybody about this" caveat somewhere during your conversation, so that she knows it's something very private to you.
Quantity of Work :-
Quote:Generally about 100-200 lines of Latin or Greek translation for every class. Which equalls about 350-600 lines a week. Timewise, it should take me about 10 hours to do 200 lines. However, this scheme works when I'm dealing with a simple author like Herodotus. But Greek Lyric is much more complicated because of different styles, rare vocabulary, and dialects. Then there is Latin, which I am not that good at, and it takes me about 6-7 hours to do only 100 lines.
Plus, I am a TA and have to schedule tutorials, and end up marking assignment every week which takes about 2-4 hours.
... so if we're saying worst-case 200 lines a class = 600 lines a week / 200 lines = 3 sets of 10 hours = 30 hours (by my maths) for the Greek, and ... 600 / 100 = 6 x 7 hours = 42 hours for the Latin, which is considerably more than an average working week here ...
Add to that the 4 hours for the assignment (what's TA please ? Over here it stands for Territorial Army) and, in addition to that time taken to do the work, you've got the time taken to attend the lessons, travel to and from the lessons, eat, relax, sleep, and you've got a considerably heavier schedule than I do ...
... so I would suggest that it's not at all beyond the remit of possibility that the level of work you are undertaking might be weighing heavily on your mind - it's for a qualification at the end of the day and, whilst you are very much into the subject, I get the distinct impression some aspects of the translation work in particular is doing your head in ...
Physically Active Much ?
Quote:The only physical thing I do is walk to and from school, which is a 45 minute walk.
45 minutes one way ? So 1 1/2 hours a day ... which is plenty of cardio, and is sure to help keep you trim and in shape ... plus it gives you the opportunity to get away from the hum-drum or whatever's on your mind (or the perfect 45 minute opportunity to psyche/wind yourself up, depending on your mood).
The Diet
Quote:Well, I don't eat that great... usually toast (whole wheat) with cereal in the morning. Something mid-day, whether it be a donut, a hot-dog, burger etc... usually not the healthiest thing in the world. For dinner I occasionally cook something like soup (tomato), chick breasts, tacos. Or I will go out. But more often when I'm busy, I'll just have another bowl of cereal or a snack.
So you don't consume a huge amount of calories during the day in general then ... I guess you're consuming enough calories to keep yourself sated hunger-wise, as that is three meals a day, but there's no real fruit or veg ... ever considered one of those 1-a-day complete vitamins and minerals things ? Probiotic yoghurt drink ? Anything like that ?? I know they're all a bit pricey and you've obviously got finances to consider, so my assessment of your diet is that it's really not THAT bad for a student - I've seen much, m.u.c.h. worse in my time ... and EATEN much worse myself !! :redface:.
Socially (being in clubs etc., etc.)
Quote:I used to, but not now since I've moved. Basically my social interaction just come from being at the shared office at school.
k ... given your heavy work schedule whilst you might be able to squeeze something else in, I think you might find it becomes a bit of a chore, and I would be keen on you trying to get a bit more you time - where you can just veg out or do something that you enjoy but that isn't related to your course ... that would help you with a bit of equilibrium and diversity I think ...
Friends-wise
Quote:I have two friends that went to the university I graduated from, but I've only known them for the last two years or so, and we barely interacted outside of school. I mostly talk to my roommate, but I will try to hang out with my other friend and her boyfriend because they are really easy-going and nice. But I do wish I had my really good friends around, but they moved to the other side of the country in April and I haven't seen them since.
So there's definitely a gap there, not meaning to be in ANY way, shape, fashion or form disrespectful to any of your current circle of mates ...
Have you cold-called any of your old friends to see what they're doing ? Do you stay in touch with any of them via e-mail 'n that ? That might help you to rekindle old flames and bring back some great memories from your younger days that will put a smile on your face mile:.
It doesn't look to me like you're doing anything massively wrong, or even significantly wrong to be honest ... your diet, fine, could do with being a BIT better, but it's not going to be the end of you ... I am a bit concerned about the level of work that's expected, but I appreciate that at your level of study, there isn't really a whole heck of a lot that can be done about that ...
... socially-speaking you have a small group of people that you hang around with, which isn't a bad thing, and the girl that you share your room with is on the same course, so you have plenty of opportunities to talk with her ...
To be honest I think the one thing that strikes me as being missing is a soulmate ... somebody that you can just be with, relax with, open up to and bounce ideas off, without concerning yourself with how they're going to take it, because you know they will take it the right way ...
... a really decent mate that you can be yourself with, go people-watching with, laugh with, cuddle when you're down and tussle with when you're playful.
... where to find somebody like that at the present time is, of course, not something I can divine ...
... but I shall keep thinking and hopefully come up with something positive ... I just wanted to share my thoughts with you at this stage mile:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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TA = Teaching Assistant.
I think the work calculations are a bit less, but overall translations take up at least 50 hours/per week. Include class time, guest lectures, sight translations, marking, office hours, additional readings outside of translation adds an additional 15-17 hours (approx). It is more than I'm used to, but I should be able to do it.
Anyway, thanks for advice and support. I should be in therapy 
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Naaaaaaah, I think it's just a case of analysing the elements of what's making the whole thing get you down ...
... since you seem to be generally on top of the daily routine, what are your thoughts on where you are at this point in your life ?
You're young, so you're doing very well academically - most people I know your age are still doing their bog-standard degrees (which is no mean feat in itself), and you're beyond that ...
I know one other lad doing his classics at Oxford as it happens, and he's lovely ... and I know it can't be the subject matter of your course that is an issue, because you love the subject matter (if some of the poets and lyricists you're working with can be RATHER difficult at times) ...
Identifying the cause of what is making you feel this way will enable you to tackle it ... for me it was love. I was in love with somebody that left to go and study on the mainland, and I was devastated because I didn't think I'd ever see them again, or that I meant anything to them ... plus I was closeted and nobody knew I was gay (although some people probably suspected it), so I didn't have anybody I could open up to ... took me YEARS to pluck up the courage to come out, but now here I am - one big, happy homo.
Is there anything you find yourself longing/pining for ?? I know you're away from your family and your friends from before starting this course have moved across the country, but is there anything else you can think of at all that's weighing on your mind ??
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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XRIMO Wrote:Anyway, thanks for advice and support. I should be in therapy
I still dont think you have completely shared your inner most scary thoughts. At least you said that youre not suicidal so that is excellent!
I have been under psychiatric care for about four years. It started due to Hep C treatment. The medication they gave me for Hep C actually causes depression. I hate to disagree with some of the posters but, see, depression can be a chemical occurrence. There may be chemical changes in your brain that are causing you to feel depressed. That is why anti-depressants work. They change the chemicals in your brain.
Yes, diet and exercise and supplements can help with the chemicals of very mild depression but if you are feeling ill then you may need anti-depressants. Now, dont get me wrong, I aint no drug pusher. Actually, if you can do without anti-depressants that is the best. I dont want to scare you but anti-depressants are very strange meds that take some getting use to. If you have any questions you can post them or pm me...
I am currently only on anti-anxiety meds and they are making a world of difference for me at this time. Anti-anxiety meds are a lot easier to take.
Are the sleeping pills working for you so far?
Did you just see a regular doc or a psychiatrist/psychologist? If you didnt see a psych then maybe you should. A psych can also recommend a therapist...
The problem is that there are good psych docs and bad psych docs. There are good therapists and bad therapists. Hopefully you will be lucky and find a good set on your first try. If you feel that you cant be totally honest with your doc or therapist then you need to change until you find one. YOU MUST BE TOTALLY HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!! These are professionals and I can bet you that they have heard and seen it all.
Maybe you need to find a gay friendly psych or therapist. Do you have a gay friendly group you can contact in your city?
Lastly, none of us are medical professionals and you have to take in the info with that in mind... but to me you are SCREAMING for help and since you detect a need for help it is best you get it and get it ASAP.
take care,
frank
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First, I just wanna say thanks for the advice and concern fpj999, and I am trying to get to the root of the problem.
I still dont think you have completely shared your inner most scary thoughts. At least you said that youre not suicidal so that is excellent!
You are right, and there are loads more that I haven't shared. I would rather not because I don't like bothering everyone with every detail. I know everyone has shown that I can share this info and not feel bad about it, but I just have issues with sharing my deepest inner thoughts and feelings.
Are the sleeping pills working for you so far?
Well now its been two nights. The first night, I took one and slept fine until about 3:00am, then I started tossing and turning like I used to. I managed to stay in bed until my alarm went off at 5:00am. I started my morning routine, but after a little while I felt dizzy, light-headed and extremely groggy. I ended up going back to bed and sleeping til noon.
I just woke up as I am writing this, and I decided not to take a pill last night considering the effects it had (and I really do have to go to class today). But I woke up around 2:30am and kept waking up until about 15 minutes before my alarm went off. So far the pills haven't been helping me much.
Did you just see a regular doc or a psychiatrist/psychologist? If you didnt see a psych then maybe you should. A psych can also recommend a therapist...
I went to the student health center at my university. I think the doctor I saw was more of a psychologist than a medical doctor, but I may be wrong about that. I do have to see him again next week to update on my progress (which so far has been nil).
If you feel that you cant be totally honest with your doc or therapist then you need to change until you find one. YOU MUST BE TOTALLY HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!! These are professionals and I can bet you that they have heard and seen it all.
I know that I have to be, but avoiding to talk about my feelings is almost a defense mechanism that I can't shut off. I have never been able to fully trust anyone with my deepest feelings and thoughts, and so it is nearly impossible for me to even conceive of confiding in someone who I barely know. The way I see it, I can put out some basic feelings and get some opinion from that, but I feel that I have to deal with the rest on my own.
Maybe you need to find a gay friendly psych or therapist. Do you have a gay friendly group you can contact in your city?
I don't think thats too problematic. The city I live in is very gay friendly, and even so I really don't think that my sexuality is a cause. I accepted being gay years ago and I know that I am at peace with it. I do have some trouble coming out (anxiety issues), but for the most part I chose not to because frankly I don't think it is necessary, I wouldn't act or do things any differently. Though, whenever the topic is brought up about my sexuality, I also don't admit to being hetero either.
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I do sympathise with you babe, but fjp999 is, as you know, totally correct - if you don't want, or don't feel comfortable or capable of levelling with us, then there is an upper limit on how helpful we can be to you in this matter ...
... but that's fine - sometimes it's just time that helps things fnd their way, so in time you'll either choose to discuss what you're happy (or not happy) discussing with us to gauge our opinions, or you might (read: should) be able to find a professional with whom you can speak, who can put you on the right track over there ...
... or, again as I've said before, there's the roomie option ...
All just ideas though - you've got to do what you believe is right for you, and I totally respect that xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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