^^^ Long reading! Should have found this thread earlier.
I've never been to a Doctors to be diagnosed with depression, but I'm pretty sure I've been going thru a bout of it... and although it hasn't greatly affected my sleep, it has caused several other problems. I have had suicidal thoughts... I know I would never act on those thoughts though knowing what it's like to have people (plural) around me attempt it... one person I know has attempted it twice and threatened going for a third time.
Why haven't I been to the Drs... I just really don't want to be prescribed anything.
It took me ages to get round telling my closest mates about it, but they've been a good source of help and support... and likewise, as you may have seen in my straight guy crush thread... at my lowest point, was able to speak to someone on MSN who's also been really supportive.
And thru that, I truly support that idea that opening up to people is really helpful... I feel a little bit better about myself, and able to handle more what's going on around me.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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XRIMO
Your sleeping pattern really has me concerned. Sleeping meds and anti-depressants are powerful chemicals. I dont know if your system will get use to the sleeping meds but I recommend trying to use them a couple days in a row. The first couple times I tried strong sleeping meds I also woke up dizzy and off balance like you describe. Eventually you get a little more accustomed to them. Can you try melatonin? It is a naturally occuring chem in the body and sometimes gets out of whack and supplements can help.
If the doc you saw prescribed sleeping pills then he was a psychiatrist. Psychologist dont usually prescribe but use therapy. Not 100% sure about all this.
I would imagine that if you return to him in a week and say that the sleeping pills made you into a mess and you didnt take them then either he is going to send you to a therapist or prescribe anti-depressants.
Now this is my experience with ADs. The first week felt like I was on acid. I couldnt focus properly, everything was feeling weird. It didnt seem like I had control on how I was walking - really stoned but not happy stoned. As the first month went by this feeling got less and less weird but still there. At one month or six weeks I felt pretty normalized. ADs dont make you feel all happy and shit like that. They try to normalize you - control the sad feelings...
The most dangerous side effect I had was with blood pressure. Usually my BP is really excellent but under ADs it got crazy high. So instead of putting me on another AD they handed me another med to lower the BP. I hated my first psychiatrist. She was a real monster... The second psychiatrist I met took me off the bad AD and put me on another and my BP went down.
The craziest side effect was sexual. I could get hard but it was nearly impossible to have an orgasm. It kinda got tired being hard for two hours when ya just wanna watch some porn and get off and get some sleep...
So I am telling you all this because I am hoping the sleeping pills will be the answer to your problems. Sleep deprivation will certainly lead to very severe depression. I had a roomie from a long long time ago who hadnt slept for about a week straight. Eventually he was hospitalized until they could find the right meds to calm him down. YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED TO SLEEP.
Maybe putting some of your most deep thought in a private diary will help you to eventually verbalize them to a professional???
I didnt mean to send you to a gay friendly psych because I thought that was you issue but maybe it would help being under a friendly professional doc to open up with your other issues. I know that since I really like my psych doc and look forward to our monthly meeting I tell him everything. He is great.
OK, hope some of that helped but again I am not a professional just wanna share my experience with you.
good luck,
get some sleep,
frank
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Well I don't want to worry you that I am not sleeping at all. I do sleep at least a few hours a night, but in the recent months, my sleeping patterns are disturbed. I constantly wake up, and I will wake up unusually early in morning and stay up.
I did manage to sleep for 7 hours straight last night, with a pill.
Still, nothing seems to change for me during the day yet (but I think it ot far too early for the sleeping to really to have had an effect).
I have brought this up with some of my school chums and one of my friends said that she has been so distracted lately that she also needs to focus on her work and offered that we find time on the weekend to work on our translations together since we are in the same class. Hopefully that will help me get back into my work. Then I can see the doctor next week for my checkup.
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Okey dokes, well ... please do keep us posted, ok ?
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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glad to hear you stuck with the sleeping med and you got a solid nights sleep. Hopefully one of many.
good beginning,
take care,
frank
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One week since I've seen the doctor, and unfortunately I have made no progress. In fact my sleeping patterns are even more eradic now than they were before I went to see the doctor.
I have another appointment tomorrow, hopefully it will go somewhere other than just having to get some sleep.
I've been talking to friends and family and one major thing they say is that I need a break from school. They think I am burnt-out, and I am ready to agree with them. I can't do it anymore... I can't find any motivation to do my work the way I used to.
Ugh, I hate this, I finally start to get somewhere in my life and I can't even let myself get any happiness or satisfaction...
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To be honest with you, I don't know whether it might be the course itself ? My other mate - the lad I think I mentioned to you previously that is doing classics ? HE had to take a break, as the course was so incredibly intensive for him as well ... and he was doing LESS than you - he wasn't a TA ...
When is the last time you DID take a break babe ?
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Well, I don't exactly know what you would constitute as a break. Some would consider the summer a break, others a period of a couple years. What I am thinking is like taking a six months to a year just to go out and find a job and not have the stress and mess of being in a school setting.
I did talk to the doctor, and since the sleeping pills did sweet-tweet, he suggested upping the strength (which I firmly declined), then he made sure to get me into counselling, which probably won't start any sooner than next week. He also said that taking a break might be what is necessary.
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Just a break - it's all rather subjective ... some people find that a weekend is all they need to get back into a full week at work, whereas others need a week, 2 weeks, a month, six months ... it all depends on the type of stress they are experiencing, and how they deal with it ...
When things start to get on top of you, then I think if you're able to, it's time to either knuckle down and just get through it or, if you're really able to, down tools, take a step back and say "right ... this isn't working, let's calm things down and see if we can't deal with it another way" ...
... kinda like spinning a rubix cube to see if you can't make better sense of it from another angle ...
... those are my thoughts at any rate  mile:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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XRIMO Wrote:Well, I don't exactly know what you would constitute as a break. Some would consider the summer a break, others a period of a couple years. What I am thinking is like taking a six months to a year just to go out and find a job and not have the stress and mess of being in a school setting.
I did talk to the doctor, and since the sleeping pills did sweet-tweet, he suggested upping the strength (which I firmly declined), then he made sure to get me into counselling, which probably won't start any sooner than next week. He also said that taking a break might be what is necessary.
Obviously taking a break might do some help but it sounds more serious than that.
I hope that counseling will go well for you.
Since I aint a professional I dont know if it is true but all your sleep deprivation has caused some chaos in your body. I know that going without sleep really messed my system up and it is really hard to get back on line.
If some of the sleep problems are from an over active mind where you cant control your thought process and cant shut down your mind then taking a holiday can make things worse. You will be on break and more time to think and it will be never ending.
Let us know how therapy and your next doc appt goes.
take care 
frank
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