How can I come out to my family?

[Waylon777]

Congrats! I agree with mrk2010. Everyone's coming out experiences are different. It's hard to know how your parents or relatives can react. Plus, there is no right, it's either that your parents accept you or they need some time. My coming out story is not to great, but I'm trying to cope with it, and so are my parents. So, either way, just don;t come out on the wrong time. There is no right time, but there is wrong times.

[andrew777]

Thanks guys. I decided that I am just going to say I am gay if any curious fellas ask me in college or if anyone tries to hook me up with a girl. I am starting college in a week and do you guys think I should just straight up tell my roommate that I am gay when I meet him? Or should I wait until he gets a bit suspicious and asks me himself? I am afraid he will have a negative reaction and start having problems with me sharing a room with him. Nevertheless I am not going to college as a "straight" closet case yet I'm not going to openly tell everyone that I am gay. I'm still getting used to being comfortable as a gay guy to my best friend or anyone so I'm not ready to start college revealing myself to everyone that I'm gay. What do you guys suggest I do?

[marshlander]

This is your life and your news so you must do what you feel most comfortable with. Having said that though, once you start to emerge from under this awful shadow of fear you will probably feel much better about just getting on with your life.

The family part is difficult, specially when it is mixed up with a negative prevailing culture. Until you can be honest about yourself you are always going to be wondering who knows and what they are thinking about what they think they know. Being in that situation is just exhausting.

It is often the case that we don't really know how people will react until we give them a chance. Parents may take a while to get used to the idea but they often become very strong allies once they do. Build your support networks. Find out about and get involved with gay groups at college. Do some research about local support groups for families of gay children so you have the information to hand when it is needed.

I would be very surprised if there really were so few gay people in Korea. I don't see why the stats shouldn't be similar. One thing's for sure though. You will never find peace if you keep bowing to the wishes of other people, however much you love and respect them.

[andrew777]

I'm sorry I cannot pm you guys individually because of my post count but you guys have been so supportive and helpful to me. This website has helped me soo much. I am now openly gay and I have come out to my roommates and friends in college. I have yet to tell my parents but I will eventually. I am so much more confident because I can finally be who I am without worrying about hiding anything. Everyone in college is so supportive and sweet to me that I came out. All the girls love me and I have no problems with any guys so far. I was so scared that people would dislike me and reject me but to my surprise it was the exact opposite. My roommates were so cool with it that they even gave me high fives for being so brave. I am joining the gay-straight alliance at my college and other gay rights clubs. One of 4 of my roommates is also gay so I have someone to talk to Again I thank you all so much for giving me courage to break out of my shell and embrace who I am.

[Crs30]

That's awesome dude, congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you too.

The whole parents thing, you come out to them when you are ready. Now that you are open at college and have joined a gay straight alliance, you should find it easier to adjust and reach a level of self-acceptance. My bf is 23 and still hasn't told his parents. Of course, after he hasn't had a girlfriend in years and never talks about girls, they might suspect him. He just drops hints here and there. For example, he just got a new apartment and his mother took him furniture shopping. There were two colors of patio chairs, brown and hot pink. He said he wanted the hot pink ones. His mother looked at him like he's crazy, but I think a lot of little hints will get it in her head. That way when he finally does come out to her, she isn't as surprised. Which can be a good thing.

That last paragraph is the long way of saying that if you occasionally drop hints here and there, it will be easier on you and your parents when you finally do come out. That's my take, at least.