Asking advice for someone still in the closet, please

[fmlover]

Hi everyone:
I guess I wanted to ask two questions to those of you who have come out of the closet and dealt with the issues, if you do not mind.

1. First, I am not attracted to all men, and I am attracted to women. But I am attracted to some men. Am I gay? How do I know?

2. If I came out, my life would become a living hell with friends and family. How do you find the moral strength to reveal something like this to the people you love? Any advice would be really appreciated.

[pellaz]

so what attracts you to "some" men?

"If I came out, my life would become a living hell with friends and family"
it has nothing to do with morals. being gay is not andy more or less moral than straight. my reaction may be to just to your bad choice of words?>

most people already suspect or know a person is gay. at some point coming out is just rumor control.

[fmlover]

I think what attracts me to some men, is when they are thin but muscular, and have a very handsome face, but also have fascinating personalities. Freddy Mercury comes to mind (sorry...I know it is a cliche). There is no doubt in my mind that, if I had ever been given the chance, I would have made love with Mercury. Guys like that just..I dunno...turn me on in a major way, and I want to also get to know them and love them.

As for my use of the word "moral" I think I just meant "inner strength," not "religious" or anything like that. And my friends already tease me about being gay, but I am not sure if they are just teasing, or trying to get me to admit it lol.

[marshlander]

Attracted to women generally and to some men? That sounds bi. I imagine that many of the straightest men are not actually attracted to every single woman they encounter.

Being gay or bi is not a moral issue. How you treat others whatever their sexual orientation, could be one, but coming out ... surely that depends on circumstances? There are many parts of the world where it is still dangerous to be gay. I don't know if that is true for where you are. What I do know is that the monsters I thought were out there really weren't. That's not to say that coming out was plain sailing for me. By the time I'd realised, I was married with children. That doesn't unravel painlessly.

I found I needed to practise saying the words. Firstly I took a long walk with a close friend and he very patiently heard me stumble through my clumsy coming out. Coming out never really stops, although after a while the bulk of the work is taken up by all those neighbours who have nothing better to do than to talk about you. They get tired of it eventually. Living and not being afraid of being found out is VERY liberating. You can't do much about your family although you are still the same person after you come out as you were before. However, friends who aren't prepared to watch your back aren't really your friends anyway.

If you go ahead and do it I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

[fmlover]

Thanks Marshlander. I like the idea of just talking to a good friend first. I think I will get the courage to do that. I appreciate it.

[pellaz]

everyone is different. when i came out it added a lot of clarity in my life. no longer i had to live two lives. at that point i was totally sure who i was so coming out to your self is a necessity.