This may be hard and long to read but I reAlly nerd some advice. Please help!

[Rutstuck]

I'm not too sure what to think about my sexual orientation so I'm gonna share some of my thoughts and maybe someone can help me figure things out... Im 23 and I've had only one serious relationship with a women it wasn't a mature one but I had strong feelings for her. I think they died out though because I ended up cheating on her manytimes with women though. I started to look at gay porn and it turned me on so I was questioning my sexual orientation and my gf had to reassure me that she certainly didn't think I was gay but bi .We ended up breaking up because in the end we both just wanted to be single and grew apart. I still continued to watch gay porn which led to me meeting up with men and having sex. I've become aware now that only gay porn turns me on and having thoughts of sex with men. *I can still masterbate to straight porn but it doesnt give me as hard as an erection as gay porn does. * * But when it comes to sex I've had amazing sex with women and the one time I had sex with a man it was also fun and exciting one weird thing is that when I left I wasn't sure if I was suppose to hug the guy which was weird that I even had this thought... The main thing I liked though is he was very feminiem and small and just very girly and that turned me on. I've also noticed when a really attractive girl shows interest in me I get very excited and get this feeling of confidence because I would of never thought a girl that pretty would ever take the time of day to notice me but if a man takes interest I could care less I mean it's cool and reassures me I'm not an ugly guy but I don't care to impress a man as far as the way I dress or my looks. And when it comes to relationships I can't see myself with a man because I've never wanted that and being with a women is naturally what I want. Also when it comes to women i would rather have their approval over other people especially if i think they are attractive or if i like them.Now there is a few thoughts I have that make me feel weird and I'm not sure if I should ignore them. I have a child hood friend who is straight and has a girlfriend but i assume he might secretly like me and there's just been a few situations that made me think he does so now the thought pops up in my head alot but I usually just forget about because it's something that I don't want to happen Now I dont feel the same way but there was one night I was drunk and saw a movie where these two friends kiss and I imagined it being me and him which didn't make sense because this guy is like a brother to me so i dont understand it weve been through alot of fights too i do know that were like family.And he is also someone that i want approval from he is my only real friend so I guess I don't want to lose that bond .I've also had issues with feeling insecure that people automatically think I'm gay because I think I might come off that way sometimes maybe because my voice might sound girly and I just get the impression my friends think I'm gay and when I think about alot of the homosexual experiences Ive been through i wonder what if I am? But when I do say I am I go back to the thoughts of wanting to find a good girl that likes me for me that's something I want and then also what about the sex I've had with women? Theres been plenty of times that ive been conviced im bisexul i say this because i know i can have sex with men but not have romantic relationships with them but i honestly will admit i dont think it would be fair if i was fully gay because I Want a women in my life and I just feel like it would be depressing if I am fully gay and I just don't realize it. And so if I am then I would have to adjust to liking men romanticlly and I just want it to be purely A SEX THING That's really all the issues that I deal with when it comes down to it and if there is other issues that are more complex maybe you can help me understand this more. I'm just looking for someone to help me understand maybe there is something I don't see that you see from what I've wrote. Thanks

[LateBloomer]

I feel ya bro.



I understand how destabilizing sorting through all of this feels.

I described in another thread how my bisexuality felt like a "pendulum" to me. I never felt a simultaneous attraction to men and women, but it would SWING back and forth.

Sometimes I felt totally gay; and sometimes I felt totally straight. This lasted through most of my 30s. These days, I'm almost exclusive to guys, but in a way, I feel like I'm making up for lost time. I can imagine a point in the future being in a relationship with a woman, but just not right now....which brings me to my point.

I think human sexuality in general can be seen on a spectrum (yes, like a rainbow).



A few of us are "locked in" to one orientation. But I think most of us, if we're honest and flexible and open to the idea, can "stretch" their sexuality to certain limits. And then there are those of us who just "bat for both teams" no problem and we can even "switch hit".



The question seems to be: Should I always bat left handed or should I always bat right handed? And if I bat right handed can I chose to bat left handed one day?

The answer is, you can bat any way you like! It sounds like you've had some pretty good experiences with women in the past and now you wanna spend your time with men. That's cool, but it doesn't mean you're "choosing to be gay". It is what it is. Later on, when you think you've explored that adequately you might find a woman who intrigues you. And maybe in the mean time you might find yourself in a hot bisexual menage a trois!



Try not to put too much pressure on yourself with expectations, there's plenty of time for THAT. Especially when you get older and start thinking about settling down with one partner. Then all of your options (or most of them anyway) will fly out the window as you get "locked" into one lifestyle--unless you have some funky alternative arrangement.

I guess that's just a really long way of saying, yeah, I'm sleeping with men these days, but I still see smart, pretty, sophisticated women I'd like to spend time with. Just NOT RIGHT NOW.

Best of luck.

[pellaz]

'I have a child hood friend who is straight and has a girlfriend"
-develop a sense a gaydar, if the person dosnt fit he is straight. a gay should not sex his straight boy friends. and you cant make a straight into gay. if you have sex with friends usually the relationship changes. if that is what you want. the event is mostly clumsy and full of guilt for both boys.

"The main thing I liked though is he was very feminiem"
-good for you. the fem boys, bring a lot to the table in a relationship. they can tell you a lot about acceptance and respect. most of us work a desk job, get the groceries at the super market. when was the last day you poured a cement driveway or installed a new ecu in the sportbike. when was the last day you put out 2500 calories into some activity?

"I Want a women in my life and I just feel like it would be depressing"
when i was straight i could not get a date to save my life. a lot of straight guys, how they dress, their interests, are completely foreign to the ladies. why would she be interested? after coming out most or all of my friends are the hag, ironic easy to get the girl now.

"I'm not an ugly guy but I don't care to impress a man as far as the way I dress or my looks"
you should always dress better. its the first impression people have of you.


gay relationships are mostly the same as straight. whatever mate you pick, pick the most functional orientation to do it with. look for what the girl or boy brings to the table. most of the population; <30y old dont have an issue if your gay or straight. this is a good time to be gay so pick what YOU need in your life. a gay boy in a straight relationship is NOT functional. the trap is i bet anyone can do it to some level.