gilhooly Wrote:The earliest references to homosexuality for me was "special friendship".
Catholic nuns in early 1950s warned us about being involved in "special friendships". I started to hear rumors that some guys were "fags" around 1960. By the time I first heard the word gay I was 25 and honorably discharged from Marine Corps. The first time I read the word homosexual was in 1964. Draft board question asked if I had homosexual tendencies. I was uncertain at that time if I had homosexual tendencies. I was clueless if masturbation was a homosexual tendency since everyone jerked off. By 1976 the word gay had become mandatory reference to homosexuals.
Over the course of my life I was involved in 3 monogamous relationships with guys.
Looking back I agree with my nuns in grammar schools. I had 3 special friendships with men.
Recently a girl demanded of me what do you want to be called, I said John that's what I want to be called, John is my first name. I like to be called John. NO!!!! I had to choose gay, queer, fag or some other word that told everyone my sexual orientation.
I vote we call ourselves MEN WITH SPECIAL FRIENDS.
Men with special friends: "Mewispefs", now you're talking!
Eh, I wasn't being totally honest earlier when I was talking about how those words are used. I wasn't really showing how I felt about those words.
Although I don't like to admit that words alone will hurt anyone, in the case of gays and other minorities...they do. I'm just going to focus on how this applies to homosexuals. When you are gay, one of the main things you look for is acceptance. You realize by junior high at the latest that there is a lot of hostility towards you. This realization occurs sooner when you have parents who hate you or are disappointed in you for being gay. When I was about 8 or 9 I said something fairly flamboyant in a restaurant while eating with my dad and the immediate response was one of concern on his part. He looked genuinely concerned and worried and asked if I was a fag. The implication being that my being a fag would result in serious disappointment from him. So I hid it. I wasn't that flamboyant to begin with, but hell, almost all gay guys feel the need to say something camp every once in a while. Anyway, things got worse when I was in Jr. High. Haha, oh man, what a fucking nightmare. In that period alone I got into at least 16 or 17 fights and almost all of them were for no reason. I wanted to avoid violence and bullying, so I rarely started shit. Then, after being bullied so much, I figured "hell, if I start mistreating kids and start calling them gay than maybe all of this will stop". I became a bit more popular and was fucked with slightly less after that. Strange how that works. When highschool came, the entire social situation had changed. There was bullying, but it became more passive. People chose to talk shit behind your back instead of rubbing it in your face. Also, many of the same kids, or the same kind of kids, who bullied me before suddenly began using the term "gay" and "fag" in a casual sense, and insisted that they had no hate for gays. That's the genesis of how the term is used now, right? It was appropriated by the same people who used it to keep gays in the closet through bullying, only now it has become some anti-homophobic statement? That, to me, is veering too close to being similar to a white guy saying a certain word directed towards blacks in a derogatory way, and suddenly saying "No man, it's cool. I'm taking it back!" It seems obvious to me that most hateful attitudes, and thus derogatory slurs, directed towards gays were being used by straight guys or people who act straight. Look at the hip-hop industry, for instance. They make it clear that there is no hatred towards gays when they talk about "faggots" and whatnot. This may be true, considering how even Elton John doesn't think of a guy like eminem as a homophone (and I can kind of see why not). However, here's the problem: can you name me five successful openly gay rappers? Can you name one? Yeah, so what's wrong with this picture. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is this: Words can change people and language can be used to shape your own reality. I'm not one to advocate total political correctness and crap. I know that some of the least hateful people use and get away with derogatory terms because of the context in which they use the terms. It's sort of like saying, "this is what it looks like when there is no more racism, gaycism, antisemitism, etc. in the world. The words become meaningless." That's pretty cool except I don't think that ANYONE is completely and truly without some element of hateful prejudice.
Sorry if I come off as a bitter, humorless douche. I try to keep a sense of humor. Sometimes I laugh when people use those terms. I give Trey Parker and Matt stone a pass (see? LOL) because they make fun of EVERYBODY. Homos, blacks, jews, women, the retarded, Italians, sports fans, Asians, etc. I don't think there has been one group they haven't fucked with, which makes them cool in my book. Also, eminem is cool because he doesn't advocate any of the crap he says. Neither does Tyler the Creator, to some extent.
if i dont like something i call it gay if somethings boring its gay whatever it is its gay, the word is a flexible as "fuck" there are limitless uses including the love of dick lol:biggrin:
dont get offended cause that would be gay....... get it now.
dasbas Wrote:if i dont like something i call it gay if somethings boring its gay whatever it is its gay, the word is a flexible as "fuck" there are limitless uses including the love of dick lol:biggrin:
dont get offended cause that would be gay....... get it now.
I don't have a huge problem with that word being used casually, even though I don't really "get" why it is. I should have made it clearer that my last epic rant was directed at the word "faggot" and the people who use it more than anything else.
Sorry dasbas but I respectfually disagree. Using it in a negative connotation re-inforces the idea that being gay is wrong and until that perception no longer exists, I'd much rather people didn't use it to mean 'stupid' or 'lame'.
And props to the GLSEN and the NBA for trying to curb this type of usage too:
hellocake Wrote:does it offend you when people say 'thats so gay'?
Yes, it really offends me, but I hear it all the time on X-Box LIVE and PlayStation Network. I do not like when people call me Queer and Faggot which this one kid at school always calls me several times a day.
I was taught to generally ignore what may hurt you, in this case, offensive words. Some people cannot cope with that unfortunately (like if I let out the F-bomb within earshot of only three people some six feet away, at least one will tell me to watch my language). Some people do take offense though. In any case, since I'm a bi person, I avoided shit at all cost in high school - I knew what "gay" meant in different contexts of course, at least in terms of what (and/or who) they were talking about. What does offend me is when someone says "fag" out loud I give them a rude look. Have I ever been given shit about that? Once. And I told the guy he shouldn't have said that in front of his kids. But language does change, and if I ever have kids, I'm sure there will be some other word that will have a different meaning than what we know of today. As such, does douchebag offend anyone? It has the same pejorative meaning as gay in the context that it is a negative connotation, even though we all know what a douche bag really is.
As for my parents on the case of me being bi, I'm pretty sure Mom will one day question my gender preference on facebook, and I'm sure Dad will have something to say about it. It's just a matter of time, really.
It does offend me. I retort with something like "wow, then it must be awesome then!" or if I think something sucks or is bad I say "omg that's so straight" with the same derogatory tone. Neither of these things have quite the same effect, and I'm sure it doesn't bother straight people in the least. But at least it makes them think about it.
Depends on the person and the use, I don't let it upset me, but It does make me think less of a person if they use it in attempt to offend or denigrate gay people or as a metaphor comparing something bad with homosexuality; as if homosexuality itself is bad...
The best way I've ever heard it used is when I came out to one of my best girl friends, she stood up and shouted "YES!!! Now you can be MY wingman, muahaha!!!" I almost spit coffee all over the table I laughed so hard....
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