Breaking up with my BF - and her friends?

[paulbrazilbh]

Hey people! Everyone's fine? ^^

First of all, sorry for any mistake in my English in this post :biggrin: I'll try to make it the most accurate, I swear! I'll try to made it the most short as possible, without losing the "context"

Well, I've already thought about it but now I'm in a big doubt about my actual relationship and I really really don''t know what to do about it. I've saw excellent posts here 'bout this topic and already get some advice, but I think that my case is a little different.

I'm 25, he's 40. We met in a online service and was "love at first sight" for him. He lives a life that needs a couple, because all his friends has a partner and the thing that they do is for couples.

He past 10 years without a relationship and now he met me, also all his friends are in love with me. They said that he's learning a lot with me, because I'm a calm, thoughtful and didn't act with emotion (he discusses alone, I relief :tongue: ). The perfect match for him.

I'm very happy when I'm with his friends, and he is a great guy, but I didn't get the "feeling", the "click" that I was in love with him. I don't know how to explain in English (in Brazil we have a term that is "o santo não bateu", or directly translated "the saint did not hit" :biggrin: ).

So, in the 2nd week that we met, he proposed me to enter a relationship. In this moment I thought a lot and made a decision: I'll try to love him, maybe this is not passion, is a true love, etc...

So I've said yes and we started. The moments with his friends was very great, they all likes me a lot and I'm very grateful for the moments that we have (yesterday we had a special dinner everyone, was great!).

So, the time passed and, because of the prematurity of this relationship, now we've discovering each other. We have some way of life that a re different, also some ways of thinking. He have some attacks of jealous and this makes me very unhappy. I don't like some things and even sex I didn't want to do (it's becoming hard...).

So, 3 months has passed and I'm very involved with his family and friends (he introduced me to everyone... EVERYONE!) and now I get to the conclusion: I've tried to like him, but I don't, simple as that.

He loves me A LOT: when I say a lot is because is a lot! We have a discussion 2 weeks ago and he asked me if I will end with him some 5 or 6 times in 2 minutes!

I've said to myself that I would try, but now I see that I don't like him and I can't end, because of all those others relationships (friends, family, etc...).

UPDATE: Also, something I was thinking: maybe I'll keep with him with the thought that I'll love him in the future, because we're together for 3 months only... OMG! That's hard ^^

______

What you all think about it? If you all have any question to get a better understanding, please ask me.

Thank you all for the support!

[holst]

mate, it sounds like you need to just be straight up with him, let him know that you will always be mates in the future. but say that it takes more then one persons love to keep a relationship strong, if he really loves you he will continue to be your mate and will understand, as for his friends. i am sure it isn't yours to worry about, sure it might suck for him but it happens. =)
GOOD LUCK though
i hope i have helped.
R-

[paulbrazilbh]

mate, it sounds like you need to just be straight up with him, let him know that you will always be mates in the future. but say that it takes more then one persons love to keep a relationship strong, if he really loves you he will continue to be your mate and will understand, as for his friends. i am sure it isn't yours to worry about, sure it might suck for him but it happens. =)
GOOD LUCK though
i hope i have helped.
R-

Hey Holst, thank you for your answer! This makes me a little bit worried because it's hearbreaking see how much he loves me, how much we are together and I didn't answering it...

I hope he understands if I get this choice, I didn't thought about it :-) thnx!

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[paulbrazilbh]

Just to finish the story, I've broke with my boyfriend. Was something hard, but I can say now that was the right choice. I feel "lighter", without the heavy thing in my mind.

Also, I can say that I've raised my mind a little bit.

Thanks

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[dfiant]

A relationship ending is always hard for both people involved, but from I can gather you have done the right thing and that is evident by the weight lifting off your mind. No is the time to take some time for yourself, relax, don't worry about dating again, just spoil yourself a little ;-)

All the best.

[zeon]

Hi,
In life everything happens for a reason and this happenned for a reason... If his being controllive you need to oppt out of it and doing so is the right thing

[CellarDweller]

You've done the right thing.

You (and he) need to be free to find people to love, who will love you back. You didn't love him, to stay would've cheated you. He loved you, but wasn't being loved in return, staying wouldn't have been fair to him either.

[paulbrazilbh]

A relationship ending is always hard for both people involved, but from I can gather you have done the right thing and that is evident by the weight lifting off your mind. No is the time to take some time for yourself, relax, don't worry about dating again, just spoil yourself a little ;-)

All the best.

Hey dfiant. Thanks for the hints. So, I thought about it and I need some time for myself. Need to be in touch with my friends, make some trips thru Brazil and take care of myself of course (gym, work, family). Later I get back for more :-) so, as I've always done, I'm not "closed" for relationship, just taking a break. If appears, I will think about it.

Have a great sunday!

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[paulbrazilbh]

Hi,
In life everything happens for a reason and this happenned for a reason... If his being controllive you need to oppt out of it and doing so is the right thing

Hi zeon! I think like you: everything in life is for a reason. It's early to think about it but maybe, from this relationship, my ex-bf and I have learned a lot. I learn that really exists true friendship between a group of glbt persons, like he has. It's something that I never lived in my way of life here and was so pleasant. Also, he learned that love will exist in anytime of our lives, from newer people 'till the other ones.

Thanx for all :-)

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[paulbrazilbh]

You've done the right thing.

You (and he) need to be free to find people to love, who will love you back. You didn't love him, to stay would've cheated you. He loved you, but wasn't being loved in return, staying wouldn't have been fair to him either.

Hi cellardweller :-) thank you for your answer. You too get the right feeling about the situation. We both needed to end, and the choice must be mine, because I was the one that wasn't feeling anything else and I don't like to live, not even about feelings. It's something that can hurt.

Have a good sunday :-)

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