Advice yet again

[red06sc]

so once again im coming to the wonderful people of GS. So im 23, never been in a real relationship, and i have no friends. My life consist of working(alot) and coming home and going to my room. I live in a finished basement, but its rather dark. Im not a social type of person, so i dont have that bestfriend to talk to, or any friends for that reason. I dont know if im just depressed and dont really notice it, but ive done this for many years, so its kind of a habit. Im tired of this life style, but i have no idea where to start and change. I dont think there is anything to do where i live, but there again ive lived here all my life. I want to move away and start over, but until i can change my life here, ill never have the drive to make me make the move. This also keep me from really doing anything like school, i wouldnt say im afraid to go out, but when all you know if home and school its like a new world..... sorry for the long post

[princealbertofb]

Red, that's not a long post and you don't have to apologise, certainly don't need to apologise. I was wondering, do you have any siblings? If so, are they sociable? Do you live far from them? That will be my first question. Others to follow... mile:

[red06sc]

Red, that's not a long post and you don't have to apologise, certainly don't need to apologise. I was wondering, do you have any siblings? If so, are they sociable? Do you live far from them? That will be my first question. Others to follow... mile:

I have a sister, which we are close, but i dont know how she would take it if i came out to her. i only have 3 cousins, which 2 are very heavy into drugs and all that, so i stay clear, and my last female cousin has kids, so her and my sister are close. So with no family and no friends, i really have nobody. That might be why i just come home and stay in my room, because i have nobody to pal around with.

[princealbertofb]

Thanks, Red, for those details. I was trying to see how you could manage to get out and go out. What about school, no friends there either, not even acquaintances? Buddies you used to study with? I take it you now work somewhere? No colleagues or friends at work either? Usually, the best way to make friends is to start an activity that makes you socialise a little (or a lot), like acting in a drama company (amateur, why not?), joining in a choir if you have a voice to sing, mixing with a group of sportsmen if you enjoy sports, joining any class of anything that will bring people together. Some people actually find friends by joining a church too, but maybe churches aren't your thing. What sorts of activities do you think you might pursue if you got out of your den?
PS, you are right, steer clear of the drug users.

[zeon]

Hello,
I used to be in your positing in life and scared to go social etc however i had to pluck up courage and go to a local bar and start talking or sitting til someone comes over to say hello... When you walk into a venue everyone looks to see whos coming in but they donrt look out of negativity so maybe once a week get a small amount of money out the atm and go for a few drinks on ya own and keep it up at a regular bar and eventually your find people will start talking to you

Kindest regards

zeon x

[dfiant]

I have been in a similar situation when I was your age. It's not so much about being afraid/scared to socialise, it's more that you get yourself into a routine, and that routine just ends up being a rut and it becomes very difficult to break away from the rut that you are in.

I broke my rut in my late twenties when I moved to Japan and lived there for 12 months. It took a long time to commit to doing this, but once I got the ball rolling I couldn't stop, and before I knew it I was at Kansai Airport in Osaka and the following 12 months were some of the most revealing 12 months of my life. I learned more about myself in an environment where no-one knew me and I knew no-one, so I was forced to meet people.

It also allowed me to see my life from a different perspective, being away from all the influence of 'back home' opinions can help enormously in finding yourself.

You don't have to be as drastic as I was and sell up and fly 10 hours across the world, you could do something as simple as a small change of routine. Join a Social Group that suits your interests and/or needs.

I think that's all you really need to do, break your routine and climb out of your rut.

[pellaz]

you might volunteer at the local lgbt center? or for some one's political campaign. might consider going to the gym and look on realjock.com for a exercise partner.

how has any of the online gay dating stuff worked out for you? would you hook up with someone?

another thing is do you have the time/ desire for a relationship and what would that significant other look like to you?

[red06sc]

i have a co-worker that im cool with, been there less then a year so far. The problem is i work after her and i work 3rd shift again. Im sure ill figure something out, but it feels like im wasting life.

Do you guys think, that being ive been alone, and not really got close to me, that its going to take time, for me to feel im able to open to somebody?

[CellarDweller]

It's possible that because you've spent so much time alone, that you've gotten used to being alone. You should use the 'net to find some gay social groups. I joined a gay/lesbian bowling league, and a friend of my joined a gay hiking group.

There are tons of opportunities out there, and you shouldn't let your habits keep you from exploring them.

[red06sc]

It's possible that because you've spent so much time alone, that you've gotten used to being alone. You should use the 'net to find some gay social groups. I joined a gay/lesbian bowling league, and a friend of my joined a gay hiking group.

There are tons of opportunities out there, and you shouldn't let your habits keep you from exploring them.

i started a change by joining this site, im not out yet so im not real big on going to hang out at gay places.