Boyfriend offers something unacceptable. Please reply

[Kyle]

Hello,
I'm going to post latest update about my relationship with my boyfriend. post by post it more sounds like a story from problems to break up but officially we haven't broken up and you never know, life is a full of surprises so I just let it go on.

So after almost a week of no talking I again sent him a message on Facebook.

My message was pretty long so I will just write the main idea, so first I asked how was he and how was the birthday of our common friend, then I said that I was back on my track and was doing better at university, gym and work then in previous weeks. I said that I was angry with myself that I was too emotional because I was thinking about the worst and didn't really paid attention to his sentences such as " This doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore or we are breaking up, currently I just want to live a single life and be concentrated on my goals." I said that I have always liked the way we solved problems. (sitting down together and talking in a calm way).
I prefer to translate and quote myself "I have thought about the break you are offering and I find it only positive for us. I think there is no point to be jealous because if you don't want to do something nobody can force you and if you want to, no matter what I say you will still do. (I meant cheating) so to trap you is the least I want to do. I strongly believe the relationship based on trust lasts much longer than the one when partners exchange their passwords and check each other everyday. I don't want you to feel trapped anymore as you said before and you can do whatever you think is right. I just trust you and you can do the same.

It's always hard to think that we might end up with something negative but there is an old american saying “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.” It's difficult to follow this in life but as long as I am here away from you we had to "let it go" and when I am back I want to go somewhere with you for a tea of mint (his favorite) sit and talk and let's see if "it comes back."
I wanted to talk to you about some everyday stuff what's going on here but I think it would be awkward so probably when I am back if there is a situation for that I will tell you everything later.
I don't know why but in the end I always feel like to tell not to worry about anything, take care. "
and in few hours he replied me with rather short message saying:
"Her birthday was great if only I didn't have temperature. Cake was very delicious, I will order the same for my birthday. (His birthday is coming in a month and I'm missing it, any idea how I can congratulate or what to give him as a present when I go back?) I'm glad you are doing well at university and gym, I also keep on hitting the gym.
I like that you started thinking rationally and you act using your brain and not heart. (He's just crazy about this brain love clash and always chooses brain and always suggest me to do so.)
what to say about me, I have never been more ME than I am lately. (and he said that in English)
One more thing I want to tell you, neither you should feel trapped. do whatever you feel and don't limit yourself in any way because of me, if you know what I mean. (He meant having sex)|This way, it will be more fair. (the last little sentence was the most painful for me to read because, by "more fair" he means he's gonna have sex while I'm not there and if I have sex here this will be more fair.)
you also take care of yourself and contact me if you need anything from me." (and the end lookes so official)
so that was his answer.
I replied back that I got worried because of his health, I said few things about gym program and about relationship I answered in English.
"I don't see anything wrong with you being obssesed with self. (I didn't say but I prefer him to be focused on himself than flirting with others) about being trapped I know what you mean but I don't feel like so. sexual desire for me comes from mind not from body and here my mind needs everything but not that, and when I come back l if we go as well as we used to be I won't feel comfortable with myself and if it won't go that well I'm not that type of guy who'll start regretting why I didn't have fun. I spend all my time with friends and I feel good enough."
in the end I again asked him to take care and not to catch a cold again.
so does anyone see anything in my boyfriend's answer what can give me a hope that we'll be together again? do you feel like he still loves me?
as long as you are third party you evaluate the situation better, that's why I need to read what you reply. Thanks again to those who gave me advises and made me feel better than in previous weeks.
Kyle

[Story]

To answer your question "do you think we will ever be back together again" I can only say that we may never know until it happens. I don't want to judge your bf( or ex bf) poorly but I restate my concern, it's seems sex is too important for him right now. He may have treated you well when you were together but once you moved away for school the fact that he couldn't wait for you also points to his need for sex and how he can't hold out for you to come back. This "need for sex" is a characteristic of a less mature individual. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing (its typical for guys his age) but when you are looking at if you are ever gonna get back with him you gotta think to yourself if this immaturity would be the cause for future heartache. You have to be able to step back and figure out if hes worth a second chance. Keep in mind that you can get along very well with many people in this world but you may only find just a handful of really good matches and that's what I think the case is here. I apologize if my post is hard to understand as it tends to cover some advanced topics dealing with psychology

[Kyle]

Hi everyone!
I have a little update.

I'm a very active and communicative person which is expressed on my Facebook also. I usually post a status, a music video and around five comments everyday but since I am having tough time with my boyfriend I haven't posted any photo, status or YouTube link for last three weeks because I don't feel like so.

I have stopped communicating with boyfriend thinking not to worsen our relationship, so today he sent me a message on Facebook.

"Kyle, How are you? I have to ask, why you are not active and posting statuses on Facebook anymore? Can't help but feel it's my fault. Please, Be old Kyle. Don't change your mood."

I replied : "I'm ok. It's not your fault, I just don't feel like that. You have never been active on Facebook so now I feel something like that. I miss you and think of you all the time but I'm not sad anymore so don't worry. I just want to come back and make this silent period and confusion over. Now what I want is your birthday to come soon. mile: "

He replied back: "I'm alright. That's good you are just like that and not because of me. I just wanted to ask and find out truth. why do you want my birthday to come soon? :tongue: "

My answer: "Well, I'm not feeling like this because of nothing. I have lots of things to think about besides Facebook. Probably I'll start posting again when everythings alright.
Hm, I want your birthday to come soon because you'll be a big boy :tongue:"

and he said : "Hopefully everything will be alright soon" and winked.

Then I said yes and asked about his health and we exchanged around 10 more messages about weather and clothing, anyway I don't know why but I feel better. This "alright" might mean that "you'll forget me and feel better and start posting again" or " We'll be together again and you'll have nothing to worry about anymore." I want to believe second.

Now about why I want his birthday to come soon, because I have an idea what to give. I will buy some present also but I can't give it until I meet him so I decided to make a video of us. I will put some our beautiful photos and our fav music on slide show.

Now amazing file! I was looking for some files in my computer and accidentally I found a word file which is written by my boyfriend in the end of January and he talks about his dreams which he wants to come true in an year time. I was close to tears to read that. there are so many beautiful words about us. by now all his dreams have come true and the only left is "to be happy with my boyfriend." The paper is written on the day when I have flight back to my country. I have absolutely forgotten about that file and I think he doesn't remember it either. (He wrote it for his friend who was collecting all her friends dreams, and he showed me before sending and I saved.) So I think I will include some of his words in the video and promise him to be back on that day and make him happy again!

What you think people?

[Kyle]

Hi People,

little update from my life.

Here in dorms one girl got Meningitis virus and she was in coma and taken to hospital. I personally don't know her but just in case I took some antibiotics as other students did and today I was feeling really weak and sleepy and now I have a little temperature.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to Sweden for couple of days and it sucks I'm feeling like this now.
Because I won't be at computer for next 3 days and because the situation at dorm is stressful and I'm feeling sick I felt the urge to send a message to my boyfriend.

I told him I didn't want to avoid kiss and hug emotions intentionally and didn't want to refuse myself to express what I was feeling so I told him what was going on here and I told him that I miss him and want to hug and kiss him so much.

Last time when he told me everything would be alright gave me a hope and courage to tell him how much I miss him. I haven't got answer from him so far because it was already midnight for him. I'm really waiting what he has to say. If he keeps on saying that I should not send him any message with love and feelings that will really hurt and probably I will have to really start thinking about my life without him but honestly I feel that he misses me back. We have experienced so much together and we have been in love so deeply distance can't destroy all these things. I hope he'll say something how he cares of my health and if he says just "I miss you too" I'll be very happy.

Now I'm looking at myself and I believe love is something what can make a person uncontrollable. I never thought I was in love this much.

Have a great week everyone!

[Kyle]

He replied me today saying how shocking news this was and I should take a good care of myself and spend as much money on medicines as needed.
He didn't say anything if he misses me or he didn't kiss me back, neither he complained why I was writing with love.
This made me think he does like that I think of him but because he has a very complicated character he can't say the same. again clash of his heart and brain.
I went back reading our old messages and I went to bed at 6 AM because we have exchanged over 6000 messages. and I mean long ones. I found some really lovely ones who touched my heart.
For some time I got disconnected from reality and wished it was summer back when we were living together for summer holidays. I truly hope everything will be fine between us.

Love you people, Have a nice week and now I'm off to Sweden.

[posterpicture]

The more I read this thread the more I become jealous with your boyfriend.
I wish I have someone like you to love.
Good luck bud.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi People,

little update from my life.

Here in dorms one girl got Meningitis virus and she was in coma and taken to hospital. I personally don't know her but just in case I took some antibiotics as other students did and today I was feeling really weak and sleepy and now I have a little temperature.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to Sweden for couple of days and it sucks I'm feeling like this now.

I would suggest you see a doctor before you go anywhere young man. While antibiotics could be the underlying cause of the symptoms there are other things it could be. Traveling about with a contagious disease is not a good idea. So rule out contagious disease before traveling.

[ViolettaAlexis]

If you're the first guy he's ever been with, he may feel he hasn't gone out and explored all other options. He has only had sex with you and you alone. Some people stay with their firsts, but as far as I know, most people do not.

Heartbreak sucks and you sound like a very warm hearted and caring person. I am sorry you are going through this. I truly am.

Unless you can be ok with him being with someone else, I see a dark and long road in front of you. The ball is clearly in his court right now. I say break up with him. If He wants you That bad, he'll come around.

Good luck, sweetheart.

[SleepTalker]

yeah im jealous. you care so much and it shows with every message you send. i hope you guys work things out.

[Kyle]

Hello guys!

I'm back from Sweden. Honestly when I was on the ship I had a desire to come online here and read/post something. (I couldn't because I didn't have laptop with me) I really like this forum and I'm keeping on posting about my life and relationship with my boyfriend. If I bother someone, nobody has to read my posts and if someone reads and supports me I'm just glad to read and reply.

So I was approximately one day on the ship and one in Stockholm and I really loved the city. I searched and we don't have any thread about traveling so I think I'll open one because I have traveled a lot recently and if someone needs I can give some tips and I'm willing to get them from others.

Back to the topic of this thread. Before going to Sweden I told him I'd buy something nice for him if I'd find so in shop I found a beautiful stone (something like marble) on what "I love you" is carved and bough that. Then I went to buy some warm winter jacket because I'm gonna experience coldest winter ever in my life so I didn't have appropriate clothes. I did buy it and in shop I found some nice T-shirts and I thought I'd buy birthday presents for my boyfriend in advance. He's birthday is in December. I was feeling really good and satisfied after shopping, so I texted him saying I did buy some things for us and that city was nice. Unfortunately I didn't get any answer and I was a bit sad.

By the way, for last week when I am texting him I sometimes use words like dear, my love, hus (husband, we have always called each other "hus"). but he never texts me the same way so I don't know if I should be writing like that...

at night (Yesterday) it was a huge disco, Karaoke, club party on the ship but I didn't enjoy it much because there were tons of couples kissing each other and I was feeling to kiss and hug so I missed my boyfriend badly.

Today I got back to Estonia and I got his answer (Not sure he sent it today or connection was bad on ship) saying thank you and he joked that I was never able to get my birthday gift from him. (he kinda hinted that he was feeling awkward he hadn't given anything till now.) Let me make this clear, my Birthday was a week before I left country and he told me he wanted to buy a new mobile phone for me from online shop but it takes weeks to get it delivered so we decided that I'd get it here in Estonia but we never figured out how to do it. Seems like that item simply can't be delivered here and than we had this problems in relationship and I never said anything about that present. In message I replied that it was very ok, and he could give me whatever he wanted when I'd be back.

When I got back I checked my Facebook and there was his old message saying I should take care of myself and buy any medicine I need and if I have shortage of money I can always ask him to help. then I sent him a long message about Stockholm, Swedish people, shopping and how nice it was to see he cared about me.

He replied me back very quickly and very shortly. I guessed he was at work and was busy but he said he was at work but not busy at all and just felt that way to reply me shortly. his message was something like "that's good you are fine, that's good you bought new jacket, that's good you liked Stockholm...."
All my positive emotions are gone now and I didn't reply anything because I'm not gonna force him to talk to me.

The more I read this thread the more I become jealous with your boyfriend.
I wish I have someone like you to love.
Good luck bud.

Thanks for read my thread. It means a lot to me that somebody reads it and wishes me anything positive.
Thanks for nice words.

I would suggest you see a doctor before you go anywhere young man. While antibiotics could be the underlying cause of the symptoms there are other things it could be. Traveling about with a contagious disease is not a good idea. So rule out contagious disease before traveling.

Thanks for you message Bowyn Aerrow. I had to go to Sweden because I had bought tickets a month earlier and fortunately my weakness and dizziness was all because of side effects of antibiotic. I'm feeling fine now.

Some people stay with their firsts, but as far as I know, most people do not.

Heartbreak sucks and you sound like a very warm hearted and caring person. I am sorry you are going through this. I truly am.

Good luck, sweetheart.

Yes, I thought a lot about this and even to me it's almost impossible to imagine someone being with his first forever without trying it out with someone else but thinking about that really hurts me so I better don't.
I have thought about break up but it's not that easy you know. We have experienced so much together and also I don't see any real reason to break up. All this is caused because I am far from him and I want to see what happens once I'm not this far. Also he has never said he doesn't love me anymore.
Maybe being with someone else would lighten my pain but I'm more enjoying when I'm in love and I'm loved and text to my boyfriend and take a walk with him and do something romantic and I can not love someone for 3 months now and then go back to my boyfriend. Maximum what I can get here is a handsome guy and good sex and fun with him and I'm not interested in this honestly. I need more emotional stability and support than physical pleasure.
Thank you for your words and wishes.

yeah im jealous. you care so much and it shows with every message you send. i hope you guys work things out.

Thanks. I really read all your messages carefully, think about them and every supportive comment means a lot to me.

Have a nice rest of the week everyone! xoxo