my sad life, need to make it better

[lwh999]

Hi everyone,
if you don't mind I want to tell my story, I've just found this site, wished I'd found it 20 years ago, I'm probably repeating other peoples stories as one thing I've realised from this forum is that many guys are going through the same as me. I have yearned all my life to meet a nice woman and live a "normal life", I was with the same woman for 12 years until 4 years ago, I've had strong homosexual thought and feelings since I was 13 years old, so probably pulled off a bit of a stunt in being with a woman for that long but again I now realise that that's nothing unusual, I still yearn to meet a nice woman and settle down but all my sexual thoughts are about guys, I am kidding myself, I can stand the torment much longer and need to be naked with a guy, maybe in my early 40's it's almost too late for the kind of guy I think (know) I'm attracted to anyway all of this has left me a lonely and miserable person, no girlfriend and not many friends, someone who looks at gay porn often, I want to be with a guy but I'm terrified of the after affects, how will I feel afterwards? will I be more depresssed? the final realisation that I'm never going to be with a woman and will grow old and lonely all by myself, it may sound silly but I am scared I will be at an all time low mentally if I have sex with a guy but at the same time it's what I really want, hope I'm making sense, I'm already about a 3 out of 10 in terms of happiness as a person, and try to tell myself "what have I got to lose?" sorry if this is long-winded, the torment inside my head is driving me mad, unfortunately I am a very unhappy person, I'm a nice guy and probably deserve to be happy, easier said than done, I have booked myself a holiday in Thailand for 2 weeks in January, I've told myself I will pick up one of the boys from a bar over there and spend the night with him to get it out of my system but I've been before and chickened out then, maybe this time, I don't even know if that's a good idea or not, if anyone can help me with my situation and try to make sense of my torment I would be extremely grateful, I've never spoken to a single person about how I feel......ever, I hope someone can give me good advice maybe help me enjoy what is at the moment a pretty miserable life.

[dfiant]

Thailand+tourist+sex=prison...don't do it.

Being gay isn't a sad and lonely life, I don't know where you got that idea from. There are many same sex couples that have raised a family.

It's not your sexuality that is going to leave you lonely, it is your perspective on sexuality that is leaving you feeling hopeless. Look around, get more involved and meet people like you and there are many guys your age (Our age) feeling the same thing.

Look, listen and learn ;-) you are not alone.

[LateBloomer]

Hi everyone,
if you don't mind I want to tell my story, I've just found this site, wished I'd found it 20 years ago, I'm probably repeating other peoples stories as one thing I've realised from this forum is that many guys are going through the same as me. I have yearned all my life to meet a nice woman and live a "normal life", I was with the same woman for 12 years until 4 years ago, I've had strong homosexual thought and feelings since I was 13 years old, so probably pulled off a bit of a stunt in being with a woman for that long but again I now realise that that's nothing unusual, I still yearn to meet a nice woman and settle down but all my sexual thoughts are about guys, I am kidding myself, I can stand the torment much longer and need to be naked with a guy, maybe in my early 40's it's almost too late for the kind of guy I think (know) I'm attracted to anyway all of this has left me a lonely and miserable person, no girlfriend and not many friends, someone who looks at gay porn often, I want to be with a guy but I'm terrified of the after affects, how will I feel afterwards? will I be more depresssed? the final realisation that I'm never going to be with a woman and will grow old and lonely all by myself, it may sound silly but I am scared I will be at an all time low mentally if I have sex with a guy but at the same time it's what I really want, hope I'm making sense, I'm already about a 3 out of 10 in terms of happiness as a person, and try to tell myself "what have I got to lose?" sorry if this is long-winded, the torment inside my head is driving me mad, unfortunately I am a very unhappy person, I'm a nice guy and probably deserve to be happy, easier said than done, I have booked myself a holiday in Thailand for 2 weeks in January, I've told myself I will pick up one of the boys from a bar over there and spend the night with him to get it out of my system but I've been before and chickened out then, maybe this time, I don't even know if that's a good idea or not, if anyone can help me with my situation and try to make sense of my torment I would be extremely grateful, I've never spoken to a single person about how I feel......ever, I hope someone can give me good advice maybe help me enjoy what is at the moment a pretty miserable life.

Hmm, well, first of all, what "type" of guy are you attracted to? Is it the young Thai boy type? Or is that just a convenient way for you to "get it out of your system" in an anonymous way?

Listen, I was in pretty much the same boat as you except I never had a long term relationship with a woman. If you want my whole story go to the introduction forum and find my thread.

Basically, I wasn't with another guy until I was 42--and let me be honest, it was a pretty God damn creepy experience. I picked him up on the internet, met him at his house, really wasn't attracted to him in any way, shape or form. But in much the same way, I needed to get it out of my system. But guess what? After we finished and I left I was smiling. I smiled the whole way home. I never wanted to see him again, but the experience opened a door for me and I was later able to hook up with other guys and have a little confidence and with a little practice I even had some really great times.

Over the last year, I find myself craving something "normal" and long term. But there are always guys looking for anonymous hook ups.

It just depends on what you're looking for and what you expect to get out of the encounter.

Why don't you spend a little more time here trying to refine your expectations and desires before you start dipping your (toes?) into foreign (and possibly expensive) waters.

[wakeboarder]

im kinda going through a "finding myself" time right now as well. but the thought of going to thailand just to hook up with a guy seems scary. have you ever watched the show locked up abroad? foriegn jails and prisons scare the shit out of me and i have not even left the country. i dont think it is worth the risk. i have met many fantastically cute guys at the gay bars. only conversation thus far. i would start there. if you want a vacation, why not go to a big city and hit up the bars and clubs? that would be a safer place to start. and you never know, you might meet your soul mate!

[Jay]

IWH, you are not alone in this matter.

I concur with Dfiant. Don't go to Thailand to seek a guy for a relief. A lot of things can go wrong if you proceed with it. Go there for a holiday to take a break.

If you need to talk, we are all here for you.

Give yourself a pat, IWH. You dare to accept yourself as who you are. The real you as a gay guy. You might think it's too late but it's not. It's better now than never.

Take it slow and steady. Have a chat with us. Mingle with us so you can get the idea how a gay community looks like. Baby steps are giant steps.

Listen to Dfiant and Latebloomer.

[lwh999]

lateBloomer,
I have read your whole story with interest before I signed up, I could relate to quite a bit you were saying, and have much in common with you, about the kind of guy I think I'm attracted to well I much prefer younger (not too young) and slim, is going with someone in Thailand such a bad idea?, it would get it out of my system and like latebloomer says I may come out smiling, I have been to Thailand on holiday before, it's not dangerous at all, I wouldn't end up in jail, I saw loads of european guys with young thai men, it's normal and acceptable in Thailand, my alternative is someone off the internet back home, unless I have an another alternative, bearing in mind that I'm not "out", thanks to everyone who's responded, I do need your help and I don't know the answers or even the questions, what I do know is that I find men attractive and I also think would be better companions than most women and would love to have an ongoing relationship with a nice guy, how I get this or will I ever? I don't know as I said before I am extremely unhappy and have nothing to lose by trying, worst case I just stay unhappy, thing is I don't even know where to start to try and improve my life, well maybe I've started by signing up on here, here's hoping,

[nomadicgay]

Don't feel sad and miserable!!!
You have probably found happiness at last as a gay guy.
I to went thru life like you living a lie, trying to be str8, failed relationships and the heartache.
But really I was a suppressed gay, had my first gay experience when I was 19, but I put that down to experimentation?
I had another gay experience a few years later with an older guy, and I loved it, he really got me aroused and so horny, it totally blew me away, and I finally accepted my sexuality, I have never been happier!!!!
So bro if you really want to find yourself and be truly happy in life go with your gay feelings, you will be pleasantly surprised.

[pellaz]

your not married like i was.
you waited a few years also to decompress to which is good too.
personal improvement, if your at mid life is necessary. just dont expect to be able to re evaluate your self and effect changes over night.

the upper case is i am yelling at you. just so you know:

I have booked myself a holiday in Thailand for 2 weeks in January, I've told myself I will pick up one of the boys

DONT GO TO THAILAND, there are many reasons but for now just dont.

... my early 40's it's almost too late for the kind of guy I think (know) I'm attracted to ...

i have a daughter that is 28years old so i can say with some authority, where as friends different generations can all learn a lot. As a gay date or lover DO NOT DO ANYONE 10 YEARS PLUS OR MINUS OUTSIDE OF YOUR AGE, at least for now.

... me a lonely and miserable person, no girlfriend and not many friends

YOU NEED TO LOVE YOUR SELF FIRST. there is no relationship that will work un less you start with your self.

I've never spoken to a single person about how I feel

this forum is a good place to start. you demonstrated to have the desire to come to a decision and then change. it may be that personal intervention is not possible. look for professional care, some situation offering references in the area of sexual identity (straight bi gay) counseling.

I still yearn to meet a nice woman and settle down but all my sexual thoughts are about guys

not everyone is totally gay. if your mostly gay you will make a BAD partner for a wife. if your bi you need to be honest with your girl or boy friend.

the final realization that I'm never going to be with a woman and will grow old and lonely all by myself

as a gay man you have the option to grow old with your husband. gay bi or straight relationships are mostly the same you see. its the love, communication, respect of things mostly.
-you have to start loving your self.
-you need to open up to yourself, a good friend and or professional care
-respect! dont go to thailand, dont date anyone as a house boy.

[lwh999]

Thanks Pellaz for taking the time for such a great reply, I agree with some of the things you say but some of the things you mention are easier said than done, change at my age is difficult but I have no choice I need to do it and stop hiding away and just getting older and older and unhappier, I don't really agree with you about the Thailand idea, I've already booked up for a holiday, I like it there and have been before, to take one of the good looking and sexy young men from the bar and spend the night naked with him, can do me no harm, remember I've never been with a guy, never cuddled his naked body, never had sex of any description with a guy, something which I want to do badly, if I don't do it in Thailand, I will end up paying for sex with a guy back home, it's not like I've got any other offers, no one's going to come knocking on my door, in Thailand where you get to spend the whole night with him, having time to talk, have a drink and relax beforehand seems to me to be a good idea and the easiest option I have at the moment for my first male sexual experience, I am pretty sure I will enjoy it.

[LateBloomer]

lateBloomer,
I have read your whole story with interest before I signed up, I could relate to quite a bit you were saying, and have much in common with you, about the kind of guy I think I'm attracted to well I much prefer younger (not too young) and slim, is going with someone in Thailand such a bad idea?, it would get it out of my system and like latebloomer says I may come out smiling, I have been to Thailand on holiday before, it's not dangerous at all, I wouldn't end up in jail, I saw loads of european guys with young thai men, it's normal and acceptable in Thailand, my alternative is someone off the internet back home, unless I have an another alternative, bearing in mind that I'm not "out", thanks to everyone who's responded, I do need your help and I don't know the answers or even the questions, what I do know is that I find men attractive and I also think would be better companions than most women and would love to have an ongoing relationship with a nice guy, how I get this or will I ever? I don't know as I said before I am extremely unhappy and have nothing to lose by trying, worst case I just stay unhappy, thing is I don't even know where to start to try and improve my life, well maybe I've started by signing up on here, here's hoping,

Honestly, I'm ambivalent on the Thailand experience. I've never been so I couldn't really comment except to say I'm generally opposed to the idea of sex tourism.

There are a lot of other "sexy" places in the world that offer plenty of opportunity for anonymous one night stands.

Miami Beach comes to mind.


Probably not as cheap as Thailand, but certainly closer.

I'm not saying DON'T GO. I'm just saying there ARE other alternatives, maybe even right there in Glasgow. Just do yourself a favor, be safe, and be sober, no matter where or how you decide to finally to do this.