my sad life, need to make it better

[lwh999]

last night I phoned the gay and lesbian helpline, after getting some good advice on here, I wanted to take another step, I was on the phone for one and a half hours, I told the guy exactly how I was feeling, like everyone else on the forum he says the "Thailand" idea is a very bad one, not for the reasons that the horrible "Pellaz" says, the guys recommends that the first guy I meet I spend a lot of time getting to know before getting involved in any sexual activity, he says going for a meaningless thrill at home or abroad will only leave me feeling worse, after thinking about this I agree with him, he also gave me the email address of a gay outdoor club which I plan to join, as I originally said I don't know the answers or even the questions that's why I came on here, it wasn't a mistake, I'm already further forward unfortunately, I have been hurt by what "Pellaz" has to say and the tone of it, don't think it's such a good idea for me to keep this post going anymore, I'm a sensitive guy, don't like or need the insults, thanks everyone for helping me, you seem to be a decent bunch of people, I hope I can move on, meet a nice guy in the future and have fun and be happy, that's what I want, there's no hurry, I will take my time, at least I've made a start, thanks again for everyone who took the time to help me.

[dfiant]

last night I phoned the gay and lesbian helpline, after getting some good advice on here, I wanted to take another step, I was on the phone for one and a half hours.

I wish I had actually suggested because that is a brilliant move and aboviously one that is going to work for you

[LateBloomer]

latebloomer,
I am sorry you misunderstand, who said anything about children, someone about the age of 23, 24, I'd be looking for maybe slightly older, children were never mentioned, that's sick, one of the reasons I would be scared to come out as ignorant people in the outside world perceive gays as deviants, potential child molesters, I never thought that could happen to me on a gay forum, I am shocked and saddened, it may be "americans" ignorance about what actually goes on in Thailand, Thailand will probably have far less cases of child molestation than America does, someone suggested I go to Miami, do you get my point, as I've said I am shocked and saddened, I only came here for help, thank god this is anonymous, to be linked with child sex, pervertion, being a sex offender, what are you guys trying to do to me.

No NO!

It's you who misunderstood me. I was quite clear in my post where I stated the following:

The question here is not really a matter of seeking out children for sex, because I personally don't believe that's what you're after. You mentioned young guys so I have to assume you're looking for young adults. At face value, that's fair.

If anything I think I was pretty empathetic towards you, I told you, "I GET IT." But I still didn't think Thailand was your best alternative.

But who cares anyway? It seems you've got yourself sorted out and pointed in the right direction.

Truly wish you the best.

[Jay]

Brilliant and brave move, IWH. I wish you the best of luck in discovering gay community and culture.

Holler me if you plan to drop by in the future. Cheers!

[pellaz]

I told the guy exactly how I was feeling, like everyone else on the forum he says the "Thailand" idea is a very bad one, not for the reasons that the horrible "Pellaz" says, the guys recommends that the first guy I meet

my heart pours out to you. as i said there are a couple of issues you need to hit bottom on. i am somewhat grateful with a gay that phucked with my mind ten years ago.

so are you still going to Thailand?

[lwh999]

Pellaz,
I am going to Thailand on holiday in January, it will be my 3rd visit, I love the sunshine and the nature of my job dictates I go on holiday in the winter, so yes I'm 100% definitely going on a much needed holiday, as I've said before I've never had same sex relations of any kind, despite my holidays to Thailand, if I were a pervert then I'm not very good at it, I'm not a pervert and I like to think I'm a decent guy, I will just chillout over there, get loads of exercise, try to shift the extra 10lbs I've put on recently, come home and try to find myself a nice guy, someone I can be friends with first, I know I've left it very late but not too late I hope to improve my life.

[zeon]

Why do i get the feeling this guys gonna leave the lovely forum :'(... I could write whatever i wanted as all my posts and advices seem to be invisible

[Bowyn Aerrow]

To Bowyn Aerrow and everyone else who suggested it, seeking professional help, is not really an option, I'd have to go to the doctors and say I was suicidal before I'd see a therapist, yes professional help would be good but unless I was rich enough to go private, I'm not going to get it, I'm on an average salary, not a big earner, it's the NHS in the uk, seeing a therapist in not an option, I need to solve my problems without seeking a therapist.

"You are going down a dark and dangerous road. Stop. Turn back" Bowyn Aerrow, I know you're trying to help but that statement scares me, things for me are bad, don't want them to get worse, for me that's scary

If not a therapist how about a priest/vicar - many come with some psychological training and can help you to resolve issues. A lot of them are non-judgmental (won't accuse you of 'sin') .

The part that worries me is that you are depressed, or that you view yourself as depressed. As such running off for random sex may not really help you to grapple the deeper emotions, and it could be more damaging than 'helpful' considering all of the complex desires/wants and emotions you have going on. Having random sex will not answer the issue. All it will do is give you momentary pleasure, and not actually address your potential for happiness with a man or a woman.

It might also confuse the issue further for you.

[WesHollywood]

I have posted many times that I am from California and the answer to gay or straight is "Who Cares."

The plumbing problems can be worked out. What qualities do you want in a person you spend your life with?

The first guy I ever had sex with was physically amazing. He was experienced and my type. After an on and off relationship he dumped me for a female, whom he dumped for another guy. He could not make up his mind, and was throwing away good potential relationships. The word is out on him now, and all he gets are one night stands.

It is so easy to make the sex aspects work with a husband, best boy friend, boy friend and right down the line. It is just sex. What I wanted was a friend I can be romantic with. Some here will tell you monogamy is the best way. I say a hard cock has no conscience. Why ruin a perfectly good relationship because of outside sex?

Right now all this seems important, and it is part of the awful experience of coming out. You just have to tough it out. Someone once told me "When you are gay, you cry alone. Get used to it."

Reconcile these things the best you can for yourself, but they should all fall together when you meet the right guy. By the way spotting the 'right guy' is project unto itself in my opinion, but after a couple mistakes lightening struck when I met my life partner. Also, physical appearance does not last, go for the qualities that do.

[lwh999]

Thanks
WesHollywood, I too want a friend I can be romantic with, I am a very lonely and sad person, I can't deny it, I can admit it on here though as no one know's me, I desperately don't want to be lonely and I want to be happy, initially I thought a cheap sexual thrill would do me good and let me experience what sex with a man is all about, after reading the kind remarks of the folks on here, I know longer think that or want that, when I was living my "lie" hetrosexual life I was never interested in one night stands, why should it be any different as a gay man, right now I am mentally at close to rock bottom, I'm not good relationship material, I want to improve my life but don't have the balls to do it at the moment, it's a horrible feeling, depression is a horrible thing unfortunately I have to admit that I'm suffering from it, improving your life isn't easy, I need to improve my life.

"When you are gay, you cry alone. Get used to it."
you never get used to pain but I know exactly what you mean, sorry for the tone of my email, please don't want to hear pull yourself together, I hear it all the time....from myself, I envy all happy people.