My dad, :/, its long so be aware.

[ty796]

Well, it all seems to come down to my dad and his family guys. I told my mom about me a month ago, at the dinner table. She wasn't suprised at all, she didn't even care she said " i knew you were gay, its what you like", so i cried, and told her i was happy.

Now on to my dad, lets give a few stories of him before i go on, OK? k.
Well my dad is a very christian person, christian family, they all think gays are the main nuisance of this planet and are fags and are ruining the world.
Well, my dad was once bending over in a store, and a guy came by and just looked over, and my dad yelled "FAG!!!!", juss cuz he looked over. who does that?, homophobe much?, he constantly says oh are u in a bad mood today cuzz of the girlies? (;, i dont answer to this. Well he constantly says things are "gay", and people are "faggots" in front of me, as to annoy like he knows or something. Hes the type of guy with naked girls all on his phone, laptop, and everything... He hates gays; his family does. What should i do?, TELL HIM? or risk being abused cuz he once like beat my brother for t'ping with me at night.
Oh and my gma always asks if i have a girlfriend, and once cornered me into pretending like, i liekd girls. Isnt that shitty?, Its so annoying, not being able to tell them I LIKE BOIS!:mad:

[pellaz]

first off welcome to gayspeak

ck out the coming_out section on this forum, a recent post with some stuff going on is this. Personally I think you need to start thinking of an exit plan before you get caught up in the growing circle of abuse. You know there is not a lot of information here so kinda not going to be accurate. but to start:

-usually the mother will be the most constructive. There is discussion if the dad needs to know in all situations. I am surprised your parents have not know you are gay already; especially if you have close family of you age the parent can compare you to. Husbands and wives can not keep a lot of secretes between each other.
-do you plan to leave for college? if so, your at school and your dad is at home, the two lives should not meet up. would your being out to your dad make him less supportive financially? Than dont do it.

in my previous straight relationship good and bad but i was the dad so some insight here. I might say some bad things about your dad.
-You know what they say about homophobes, recent theory, that they themselves are gay or at least not comfortable about their own sexuality. Where this is a good time to be gay in your dad's time frame it was negative. There were Sodomy Laws!
-I cant even think of how a parent would not promote their children to be the best they could be but situations could be driven by things; low education and economic opportunities, little exposure to the world as in reading, travel etc. You as the child can not over come these for him.
-A parent is not a god and you do not worship you dad. He may be overwhelmed with fear and ignorance the second he wakes up ever day and he reacts accordingly. Its not all abut you, he is bad to everyone. No reason you should play into his setup. Be the bigger man, Dont get cough up in this.

Time heals everything so in the right situation, a few yeas down the line, you dad will be able to better accept you being gay. This should not stop you from having fun, dating and relationships. You can start a family with a proper husband. deal with your dad and his family better than. If you dad is not that important in your life tell him and get it over with. Just living at home your not allowed to toss him to the curb.

[ty796]

Very thoughtful, but im sooo sorry i need to add in something important. My parents have been divorced since i was four so thas how my moms side knows and my dads doesnt. The thing is my moms is supportive 100% while my dads is negative 100%. See where im stuck?, and between me and my brother im the one who is outspoken to both families, and its hard to keep this in.
Plus if he keeps askin me about girls ima ESPLOOODE.

[Pix]

Ironically, your dad is so extreme that I'd suspect him of being a closeted gay. :tongue:

Going by what you said I personally wouldn't tell him. The only reason I'd reconsider is if he was likely to find out anyway, in which case it's better to tell him than let him find out. (Ok, if he keeps asking about girls, but then it might be amusing to feed him lines as it wouldn't surprise me if he's just looking for perverted tales of sexual adventures...assuming his obsession with women isn't an act of course.) But it sounds to me like he can remain blissfully ignorant. Someone that hostile to gays doesn't sound safe to come out to.

Btw, what's "t'ping"? (I'm guessing you meant wrapping a house in TP but I'm not sure.)

ETA: Btw, last summer I went to visit my family in the East Texas Bible Belt and they were constantly giving me a hard time for my not being married with kids yet, so I know how annoying that can be.

[Genersis]

I don't have much to add to this thread.
But what i can say is your dad seems to have a strong urge to reaffirm his heterosexuality to everyone a lot.
This could mean he might not be 100% secure in his sexuality.
Or he just really doesn't want even the slightest chance of people thinking of him as possibly being gay as he despises and hates gay people so much.
Both link back to him being insecure in himself, just in different ways.
He is way too worried about how others see him.

I'm sorry to hear you're stuck in such a rut.:frown:


(Disclaimer: I'm no psychotherapist/psychologist, this is just my opinion.)

[oldster]

so you need to come out with who do you live with mom or dad and your entire situation befor we can assertain how to help in delima

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm with Pix. Research has revealed that homophobes tend to get a little wood when seeing homoerotic artistic images.

http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/st...on-140910/

http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#sclien...94&bih=609

There is no law anywhere that orders you to have to tell who and what you are.

I would suggest you do not say anything directly, just live your life.

When dad finally sees the signs and confronts you, you can then tick off the many instances that he has shown that the subject wasn't one for discussion. Lay it, let him see that his hatred of 'the gay' made the choice to exclude him from this part of your life.

This means live your life, date a guy, show up at family stuff with a guy on your arm. Surprise dad or let others mention it in passing, say them saying 'Ty's new boyfriend is a great fellow....'.

Confrontation is obviously pointless, you already have a good idea how he will act and react, thus there is no reason to make a formal proclamation to him. If he finds out from others, don't sweat it.

At the same time don't pretend to have interest in girls to 'please him'.

[ty796]

Thanks you guys, a lot of what you said has made me feel better (: great advice i never thought about, especially from bowyn (:

[ty796]

Im also scared that if i bring a guy home though hell not only kick my ass, but the kids.

[zeon]

hello,
Personally i think if you want to come out to him just be blunt about it and say oh by the way dad im gay... So when u next become homophobic towards another man because of his sexuality just remember your also critising me.... If he kicks off just go ok if you cant accept me for me then as far as im concerned you are non existant... I told my dad like this and stated to my father that if he wants to beleive in bullshit then feel free and until he accepts me.... His not a part of my life and i wont be loosing sleep... With homophobes by all means just come out however brace yopurself hence being blunt

kindest regards

zeon x