Alone and not sure how to deal with it

[steveh36]

I don't have many friends and have always had at least one person in my life since 2000 but in August I split with my partner of 15 months and now I feel I have no one.

I have joined all the usual sites have exhausted Gaydar and all the rest everyone just seems to want sex no one seems to want a relationship or even friendship.

A guy I have been talking to for 6 weeks has turned out to be a waste of time I knew he wasn't serious but stupidly carried on talking to him to stop feeling lonely.

The major sites are all full of people wanting sex the serious ones have either very few people on them or want you to pay for any messages you sent.

Is anyone else lonely and how do you deal with it I always been a loner but suddenly I feel I need someone and don't know how to deal with it.

I have tried looking for local gay groups but can't see any in my area.

Trouble also is everytime I talk to someone knew I so desparate for them to stay friends with me or more I mess up and they usually end up blocking me.

[steveh36]

Yes as time goes on I seem to get more desparate to make things work which puts people off they say I have become opressive and they need space. I don't seem to be able to relax for fear of the person getting fed up and going away.

[pellaz]

give it some time boo:

I don't have many friends ... but in August I split with my partner of 15 months

you need to detox from your previous relationship. Good time to enjoy some un attached sex and get over your last boy. Boy friends do come and go, its the husband you need to worry about.

I always been a loner but suddenly I feel I need someone and don't know how to deal with it

your previous relationship has make you an emotional dependent. Not a bad thing, Use this to be a better stronger individual, its how we are built.

I don't have many friends

open up your criteria what you call a friend:
-hag girl friends are complimentary to a gay man. Get some girl friends.
-there is nothing wrong with sex. Do the one night stands or friends with benefits will you bleed. Just be honest with your self and others what you are doing. Its not so important who did you last night but who they know. For example; they may have an X you can re cycle.
-i had a great friend, it was an Irish Setter. I loved that dog soooo much and it emotionally carried me for many years. Ok i am a simpleton; boys come and go. The dog was a lifer.

every time I talk to someone knew I so desperate for them to stay friends with me or more I mess up and they usually end up blocking me.

You cant expect people to just give you what YOU want. Its a two way exchange. Up front ask them their expectations. Other wise get the pet dog.


i really think its the holidays. Next year you will feel fine. Occupy your time in between.

[zeon]

Hello mate,
Being alone isnt always a bad thing... I grew up in a very lonley kind of way being the outcasted kid in society and a bag of nerves... Childhood was ruined and being gay made me feel ten times more confused about life than ordinary howevger i soon figured that if i adapt to this way of life and accept how its going id be happy in myself... Now once a week on a monday which was giro day I would go get a tenner out and visit the local pub and with that and from there i started to builkd my confidence.. Of course it was a bloody nightmare being so low on self esteem i was absolutely terrified of going in and visualised people with green eyes sitting at the bar ready to take the piss out of me as id had all life til then... I slowly made a small social group but as it grew i dropped alot of them because they just wanted a quick shag and i was not some meat hung on a rack to be taken advantage of...
Once a month instead of going to that pub id go to a club on a monday night known as BAR150 out of £10.00 £1.50 door entry leaving £8.50 and that got me five drinks which I made sure lasted a while... I would dance alone and just think bollocks to their opinionis I am me and me only if they dont like the way i dress or the way im acting or dancing thats their problem not mine.. Im not out to go mad at them and how they are behaving... Im out to enjoy my night... If i didnt meet a guy by 2am it was time to head to my car and drive home... Just to clear the record I only drank J2o's which now have a effect on me because i drank so many of the bloody things....

Dont be sad at being alone be happy in yourself at maintaining your freedom because relationships have ties and ties bring stress arguments and trust me if they dont go to plan then they bring pain!

kindest regards

zeon x

[mrk2010]

I know exactly how you feel I kinda feel that way.

[AlephNull]

wow, im a sorry. I haven't been in that situation before so condolence is all I have to offer.

[oldster]

i think we all need to be able to talk with out watching and judging how each word will be acceptrd and will we reveal our real feelings someone that knows be cause they are in the same boat. i go to the chat rooms and ask ifanyone wants to just talk not cyber my nick as most the info they always ask asl but maany still pm me and first thing i say is dont cyber just talk and lots want dirty talk but i like to learn about other culturs and feelings they have on lots of subjets annd yes about ho it is to be gay in that place how closet they are and all
and giveing them someone to talk to with out the constant pruesser of got to get off
but i admit it is hard to start a conversation on the internet plus i seem a bit crazy some times because i have had some telapatic experiances that if i start to discuss i have a habit of going on and on some times they dismiss me as a paranoid skitso but what ever they did not have the experiance and if they did they just dismissed it from their mind because if theyidnt it ment they were crazy since that cant happen i love to learn just about anything because te more i learn the more things i have to play with in my head and invent or what ever so if anyone ever wants to just talk i use the same oldster nick every where there are other things added on to but basicly it starts with oldster i am ait alonne here lost my love of 34 years recently nd sat around all day when not doing chores talking about everything and anything so you can see how it is mostly i just get curious guys to talk to me lots sy how did you know that was my reaction or thats true lots dont realize we are human beings and there for our reations are usally simular besides they dont realize what they tell me when they talk to me or how i interpet the information ok soap box mode off (thats basicly for uk freinds to esily understand )
it is a thing guys with points of view or ambition us to go stand on soap box in front of crouwds and expound their point of view or what ever so i say that after i get too preachie

[WesHollywood]

My life partner and I are so entwined we finish each others sentences. While we are young, we lost a very good friend in his seventies last year, so the topic of each others deaths has been discussed in some very uncomfortable conversations.

Lee Iacocca in his book Iacocca describes his extremely close relationship with his wife. Iacocca was riding high on top of the world as Chairman of Chrysler until his wife died in 1992. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Iacocca Iacocca withdrew from the business world, explaining in his book (paraphrasing) that she was my partner and motivation in my life, nothing means anything to me without her.

My partner and I do not buy all this crap you hear when someone dies - "God moves in mysterious ways." Bull shit! Fuck God. My partner is dead, and I am going to be fucked up for a few years. That is my reality.

Ever notice how shrinks tell us "deal with the loss and find closure." Kiss my ass, we just had a ten year anniversary of 911 explosions of the twin towers, and reopened everyone's wounds. WTF? You do not move on and find closure with the loss of your primary love. You learn to live with the emptiness. Someone told me once that when you are gay you learn to cry alone. True, who the fuck wants to hear me go on for months about how my life is ruined because my partner died? Eventually, no one wants to be around a constant downer. Social invitations can fall off. Meeting new people forces one to move on if you want new friends.

So, we came up with our own simple plan. If one of us were to die we would have to move. Way too many good memories around this house. I could still walk on the beach, but not the gay section of Surfrider State. I would need a road trip of some kind. Somehow being on the road becomes a reality of its own. Once I was pissed off and drove from L. A. to Albuquerque straight through. I have heard tell of the gay populated community of Russian River where there is a social community of coupled GLBT. When I think of the new friends I have met at grocery stores I am amazed. Being around couples can be reinforcing, and eventually I will need that transitional guy between my former partner and a new one. I may or may not keep my job. Iacocca left his - he just did not care.

I am informed that in San Francisco and Houston there are now GLBT Senior apartment complexes. If this happened when I was a senior citizen, I would go for that. As my mentor often says, "Get your head outside the problem, and look down at it from a new perspective." I would try to think of this as an opportunity, a forced adventure if you will, to do the things I enjoy, that my partner did not. To us the approach is to change the set, introduce new players, and not to walk around with a look on my face that said, "I just lost my best friend" because in fact, I just had lost my best friend. Or, maybe, I'd just join a GLBT hiking club for a while, and plan my road trip. What ever it takes to get through this minute, by minute, by minute.

"Get your head outside the problem, and look down at it from a new perspective."

[Bowyn Aerrow]

There is a song that goes something like:

Looking for love in all the wrong places......

IF you are looking for a serious relationship, not a hook up, then join groups and clubs and organizations that are social and appeal to things you like to do. Camping, hunting, wood working, collecting crap, SciFi conventions, book reading, blah.

Going to a bar to pick up a person usually means you will get a drunk (or be drunk or both). Going to a website that is for hook-ups means you will find hook-ups.

Don't be pushy. When you stop looking for love is about the time love sneaks up behind you and bashes your brains in.... :tongue: