dont exactly know what to do here

[namc11]

Worry about it? Why?

Ask yourself - Why is it important to me to come out and be 'out'?

It's not important to run around in full rainbow garb. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to stop playin strait. I trained myself to do it when I was in the Marines I just don't know how to un-train myself

[namc11]

well there was another reply I posted to bob but I guess its waiting on moderator for some reason

[namc11]

and as far as inserting myself into the gay scene (no pun intended) there really is no gay scene around here. There's one gay bar within an hour from me and that's about it. i know one Lesbian and her GF. and an 18 year old gay kid who's the guy my ex-boyfriend was dating when i went to the Marines.

[pellaz]

on the more relationship slant
okcupid.com
on the hookup side
grinder, scruff, there are quite a few hookup sites

volunteer at a local GLBT center, avoid craigslist

your first impression of a boy is usually correct so be selective. Avoid married boys. Get your self tested often. Learn everything there is to know about how to maintain your health too. the HIV can really reduce you live span, infect that girl friend too. There is a hep a/b vaccination out there.

you must think in terms of cleaning up your current relationship before starting a new one. It will really limit your dating experience, and it should. There is a lot positive about a gay man who is open. The gay population is small so take care of the impression you make in the gay community.

a girl friend is a great resource for a gay man
date someone within 10years of your age, unless really know what your doing.

[LateBloomer]

on the more relationship slant
okcupid.com
on the hookup side
grinder, scruff, there are quite a few hookup sites

volunteer at a local GLBT center, avoid craigslist

your first impression of a boy is usually correct so be selective. Avoid married boys. Get your self tested often. Learn everything there is to know about how to maintain your health too. the HIV can really reduce you live span, infect that girl friend too. There is a hep a/b vaccination out there.

you must think in terms of cleaning up your current relationship before starting a new one. It will really limit your dating experience, and it should. There is a lot positive about a gay man who is open. The gay population is small so take care of the impression you make in the gay community.

a girl friend is a great resource for a gay man
date someone within 10years of your age, unless really know what your doing.

Good advice.

I'm sympathetic to namc, not because I lived a similar straight lifestyle (no wife/kid here) but by and large, I'm perceived as straight in my community.

I've written elsewhere about a guy I've been seeing in a town far from me. We've talked about my "need" (his word) for "socializing with gays".

He's totally out in every sense and very involved in the local gay community, participating in "Pride" events, etc...

I told him, I enjoy meeting people and I can be "socialable" and I'm looking forward to meeting his friends, but I've never been one to join a damn parade.



It's just not my STYLE.

I bring this up because like most things, I think there's a happy medium, where we come out and "interact" with the community, but if you're not into dressing up and marching down Main St. I don't think that should be held against you.

I'm also considering a relocation to this particular city where this guys lives, mostly to be closer to him, but simultaneously in order to get myself out of the RUT I have created for myself.

Change is healthy and good.
Good luck.

[dfiant]

It's not important to run around in full rainbow garb. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to stop playin strait. I trained myself to do it when I was in the Marines I just don't know how to un-train myself

Personality is not 'playing' and there is no such thing as 'straight acting'. The difference between a gay man and a straight man is the gender that they fall in love with.

There is nothing to untrain. A lot of gay men are masculine ( Or so called straight-acting).

There is also no reason to advertise your sexuality, there is no reason to change your personality or characteristics so that people can see that you are gay, so again, there is nothing to untrain.

Just be yourself, and as you have been with the mother of your child, be honest. Your sexuality is your business and there is no need to fit stereotypes to feel that you are a gay man. Don't change a thing.

[oldster]

how about just being you it is notnecesaryto "act gay" part off your personality is bbeing in the closetbutr theses re all just lables that people made up and many people think if you are a then you act a but how about just acting what ever is comfortable to you. and this will change and eevolve as you goalong in life just make a new tag that is a blank slate and be you and you dont haave to act at all
sinceyou are not in a movie this is real life and it is not practace try not acting at all but instead concentrate on just being.

[hamsandwizh]

I had been playing straight for a long time! Junior high up through my time in the Army. I started coming out a little bit and into the gay community for the first time when I got out of the Army and moved to Phoenix, AZ where my best friend out there just happened to be lesbian. Then when I moved back to San Diego I went right back into acting straight as all my old friends and my family live here. Then started the whole coming out process, accepting myself as gay (which was the hardest I figured out, I dont think I came out earlier because I knew I was gay but didn't accept myself as such, so I couldn't ask others to accept me as gay when I didn't accept myself) but I actually came out as gay, went to the bar and clubs to start letting my gay out a bit, again, lol, and now I finally accept myself fully as gay and my family knows, I think some of my friends know but I never bring it up, if I have a date I say, I got a date tomorrow, if they ask about it I tell them, I don't hide it anyways so if they know or knew I was gay or not I don't know but they;ll figure it out, a good number of them already have and they don't seem to care, if they do they dont say anything so I'm sure it's fine.

Also I don't know about where you lie but here in San Diego they have a place simply called 'The Center' where I went to and they did coming out groups and support groups for GLBT and it was a great place to meet both people who have been out awhile and who are in the process and a good place to make friends at so you can go hang out with them and don't have to go to like bars or clubs alone.