Need Help Dont know what to do!!!!!!

[Chiqui]

Hi to everybody in here.... Well my story goes like this:

I am a 34 y/o married guy with a little 3 year old boy, and i belive that i became bi-courious. I work in a Hotel in Astoria Ny, My Schedule is from Monday to Sunday 10pm to 6am. ( dont have a day Off)

One night i was working all alone and it was like around midnight and a Gentleman came to check in, so i did what i had to do. When i was doing the check in the gent started to flirt with me (telling me that i was very cute etc,etc,etc) i was all the time with a smile on my face, so he left to his room, then he call like one hour later to tell me that the tv was not working, so i proceed and told him that i was on my way to help him with the problem. So when i knock on the door he open up and i went in, i fix the problem for him (it took me a while to fix) then when i was on my way out he grabs my hand grabs me from the weist and push me to the wall... He started to kiss me kiss me on my neck grabing me nice and strong and his hand went nice and slow down to my pants and took my belt out, took my pants down, took my shirt off, started kissing me all over then he true me on the bed and make love to me (i was the Bottommile I love what he did to me all the touching and feeling his hands all over my body kissing my back pulling my hair and his thing dont get me wrong it was so beautiful it was not to big or not to small it was perfect at the begining it hurt a little bit but he use something to make me confortable and he was a gentleman nice and slow he proceed, it was amaizing to have his thing in my mouth it was my first time doing something like this oh and when he came i felt that thing exploded inside me(we use protection by the way) it was the best making love i ever had, i never felt something like that when i use to make love to any girl or my wife. I dont know if i am going to see him again, but i wish i could see him all the time... My problem is that i am married and love my wife very much but i am very confused with this and i think i fell in love with the guy and now every time that i see a good looking guy on the street i stared at him and think of "I wonder what his size" mile: My wife doesn't know what happen and i feel scared of telling her and scared that she would leave me (devorce me) but at the same time i say to myself who cares ill tell her what happen and just run to the guys arms... I dont know what else to write i just need some advise from some one and looking for a friend also... So please guys help me out with this.... Thanks... Hope my story didnt board you.....

[dfiant]

if you don't care about telling your wife, how do you feel about your son?

[Chiqui]

if you don't care about telling your wife, how do you feel about your son?

You are absolutely right i dont know what to do????

[musicman2229]

Imo, you should not tell your wife. I know that's a little decisive and strongly worded for a touchy subject like this, but frankly your happiness is secondary in this situation. You have a kid. I'm assuming that you are both good parents who provide for and love their son. If this is the case, then divorce is not going to be good for him. If you work seven nights a week, then clearly the money isn't exactly pouring in. Divorce, even with child support, joint custody, etc., will cost a lot of money, which could be going to support your son. And this is only the financial aspect. Never mind that your son would grow up without his parents on speaking terms. Two of my best friends growing up both had separated parents, and I wouldn't wish what they went through on my worst enemy. Almost everybody is a little gay. Do some reading on the Kinsey scale. This is NOT worth jeopardizing your marriage and burdening your son. At three years old, he doesn't deserve this.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You are married.

I believe that when you stood before a minister/priest/judge you uttered something along the lines of:

"I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others; from this day forward until death do us part."

Basically you made a life long commitment to remain monogamous with that one woman. She is expecting monogamy from you, it was implied the day you slipped a ring on her finger. Monogamy doesn't mean you are only going to sleep around with guys, it means that have the same sex with the same person day after day, month after month, year after year until death do you part.

Just because you now suddenly want to change the rules doesn't mean you have the right to change up the rules without her knowing. She is expecting to have sex with you and only you - not you and every man you have sex with with the potential for a long list of STD's that you could pick up and transmit to her unwittingly. Wouldn't she be surprised to learn she has gonorrhea or something along those lines?

I strongly suggest you get tested for STD's - these random encounters with strangers are the most dangerous. There are guys with HIV who act exactly like this, spreading the infection all over the place on purpose. Did that thought scare you? Good - be scared.

To give you an idea how this could be going down, look at Google:
http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&...30&bih=609

You don't know this guy from Adam, he is a stranger who showed up and I presume will/has vanished without a trace. We cannot be certain what his full agenda was/is, we can't be certain he was/is only looking for sex. I hope (and pray) he was/is just a randy fellow who thought you were a hot front desk clerk and not a sicko with an agenda.

Assuming for the moment that this is not one of those kinds of people, you must understand that there are risks with random acts of sex with random strangers. Risks that your wife did not sign on for, risks she is clueless about and she will want or expect that her monogamous husband to not be the bearer of 'bad news' in the form of STD's.

Lets say you do pick up and STD and pass it on to her, how will you feel knowing you have passed on an STD to her? How will she take the news learning from her doctor that while totally in a monogamous relationship she is suddenly sick?

http://www.listofstds.com/ is a list of STD's - read them, get familiar with them. Then seriously consider if it is worth the risk to your wife.

I think you can safely scratch off this one 'accidental encounter' as just that - accidental, with no to little risks. However now you are thinking seriously about experimenting and doing it again and again.

You need to clue the wife in on your intentions, plans and give her the chance to decide if she wants to enjoy those risks with you.

Most likely she will want a divorce. Her right. She will want Alimony and Child support. Trust me you don't want to be stuck with a 3 year old when you are out hunting down men.... sends the wrong signal. She will get custody - you most likely will have visiting rights.

I have not laid out all of the negative potentials here.

Lets say you do go playing around and some mutual friend of you and your wife's sees you... what happens when the wife finds out you are hanging out with 'gay men'? Will she be prone to logical discussion when she finds out from a stranger or is she the type that will cut off Mr. Pee-Pee and throw him into the insinkerator (garbage disposal)? Its happened before, it will happen again - just pray it doesn't happen to you.

Am I scaring you? Good - that is my intention.

I want to to seriously consider all of the really dark potentials here.

Imagine the worse - you catching HIV and having to explain to your son when he is 10 years old why it is mommy and daddy are getting their viral loads checked and taking very expensive medications. All because you got it from some random man and passed it on to your trusting wife.

I'm not denying you your fun. If you want to go out and take those risks, then do it. but do not pull your wife along with you. Be open and honest about your wants and desires - she has a right to know who she is married too.

I would strongly suggest you take time off from work and get couple's counseling BEFORE you go any further down this road. The therapist will see both of you together and will see each of you alone. Then you can bring up this encounter and your wants/desires to be with men in one on one session (without the wife) with the therapist. You can explore what it means to you, explore your options and work through the complexities of emotions here then you can explore telling the wife your 'need' to have men in your life.

The therapist will suggest how to go about opening up to your wife. You will have the option to tell her in therapy which will give you a neutral 'safe' place to discuss it with a mediator who can hopefully defuse the impact. Instead of dropping an atomic bomb, the explosion will be more or less ten tons of TNT.

Or you can decide to stick with the marriage, forget this dude and the sex. OR you can just tell her today and let the pieces fall as they may.

[gayusasian]

sigh....
life is suffering.
pray to your god.
that's what i do when i am frustrated.
always find the balance back.

[TommyinKY]

I'd have to agree with Bowyn Aerrow on this. You have a child and a wife. Your wife was looking for a faithful loving relationship. Your son will need to have a safe stable place to grow up. In the end it is really up to you whether you come out to your family. It's also up to you whether you have further same sex encounters while you remain married.

Having said that, you have a duty now. You agreed to a commitment to your spouse and have a responsibility to protect your son. Even if you choose to end your marriage these are things you should remain committed to. They will need you no matter how you conduct your life from here on out.

Marriage is essentially the oath that you will you will provide for the happiness, security, and well being of your spouse and your family. It is the same whether you are have a same sex marriage or a conventional marriage. You have a right to seek happiness for yourself but you also have a responsibility to others.

Not sure if that helps any it is a very tough situation. This is something you should take your time figuring out and until you do i would suggest that you refrain from further sexual encounters outside of your marriage.

[Inchante]

Given what you have said, it seems like that you are bisexual, and this is a recent discovery for you. It is natural that when you discover something new, especially something as interesting and novel as a new part of your sexuality, you would want to explore that part of yourself and be very overwhelmed and fascinated with it. But, you do have obligations. This does not change the love that you feel for your wife or the love that you feel for your child. Every study shows that a child brought up by two loving parents does much better in life than one who is brought up by a single parent. That consideration should go to your child and the love that you feel for your family. In that respect, it seems that you are constant.

[ZackT]

That sounds like an absolutely wonderful experience, one that I wish I'd have myself...what a fantasy

But seriously, as the rest have said, you should get tested. I know you said you used protection, but it'd still be a good idea just so you know for sure. Past that, the question is whether you should tell your wife or not.

This would make a good House episode...assuming you got really sick and then they figured out what obscure combination of things was wrong with you

Seriously though, I wouldn't tell her. At least, not yet. I think someday you can, but your child is the main point. I'm sure plenty of people on this board alone have grown up with divorced parents and stepparents and it can be good or bad, but most of the time no one likes it when their mom and dad split. I know I didn't.

Course, your son is pretty young, a lot younger than I was when my parents got divorced (I was 11). He could grow up in a life where he's used to you not being around, but then again, I doubt you really want that. Not to mention, the financial difficulty of it that for you.

Do what you think is best, but since you're asking our advice, I'd suggest keeping this to yourself (and make sure your wife doesn't accidentally stumble on this website or anything. Browse incognito or delete your cookies/history and shit like that)




EDIT: And like Inchante just said, this is gonna be a pretty overwhelming experience for you. When I came out to myself as Bi over this summer just past, I was freaking nuts for quite awhile. I was super obsessed with men, I just wanted to go out there and experience it, but I am in a relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years now and we live together and are dependent upon each other financially. I can't just break it off to go exploring, I can't afford to, nor do I just want to throw away what we've got together cause it's pretty good. Do I still want to try being with a man? Absolutely! But I am still with my lady because it's where I need to be right now and it'd be awful for both of us to end it right now.

[East]

The problem that is immediately at hand is you have made a choice and your wife has not...meaning...the minute she has sex with you she is having sex with that other man as well because you will have exposed her to the same thing you exposed yourself to. Choice is the key word here...your choice and her not having a choice....

Deal with THAT ...it will be the measure of your true character and who you are as an individual. My advice...keep it simple because the truth in this case is painfully simple.

You can figure out the rest later but your wife needs you to respect her life at the moment and time is of the essence.