Bettering my emotional health

[musicman2229]

So some of the older posters on here may remember me from a few months back. I took a bit of a Gayspeak sabbatical during the school semester, but was quite active on here over the summer. I had a question about this very issue, because right now I'm home for winter break. This is the seventh break from school I've had since I started it, which has given me enough info to detect a pattern. When I am right in the thick of it, busy with school and work, with plenty to occupy my mind, I am at my happiest. When I am home on vacation, with no obligations to school or employers, and nothing toward which I can really focus my energy, I tend to become significantly more introverted and introspective, and 9 times out of 10 I end my vacation an emotional wreck, wondering if I'm going to die alone and a virgin, questioning how my friends seem to have this shit all figured out, and generally depressed with life. Then I dive back into school, work myself to the bone for a few more months, and the process repeats. The problem is at the end of every semester I'm so exhausted that I crave the vacation I know will make me miserable. How do I avoid this cycle? I was a basket case over the summer, I was so fed up with everything last winter that I came out for the first time, and looking back over the years, the breaks have always been a time of misery for me. What happens in 50 years when I retire? What happens in 6 months when I am out of school and looking for employment? I'm scared about the future, but mostly I'm scared that I will be miserable for the rest of my life. Is this something I should try to tackle on my own, or should I seek out counseling or psychiatric help? I've been on break for four days now, and I'm already starting to feel lonely and frustrated, so any advice you guys have would be greatly appreciated.

[ceez]

I don't have any advice but I know where you're coming from. I'm usually busy all the time with school, work, and house chores but if I get too much time off then I become depressed and thinking of whats going to happen when I graduate next month just makes things worse. my hobbies and the little stuff I do like going out for a drive helps a little but I eventually come down again.

[pellaz]

everybody; just hold together

[azulai]

MUUUUUUUUUUUUUsic!!! Good to see you!

I don't have any words of advice but I will tell you no one has it all figured out, I promise.

Some people may act like it but they don't. Try not to beat yourself up. When we keep putting a time-table on ourselves based on others we are not truly living OUR life.

catch you later.

[Gaydude3]

You need to live in the moment and stop worrying about the future. Do things you like and keep busy so you don't think top much. Try meditation or prayer too.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi and welcome back.

I think you may have self identity issues. I think when ever you get a bit of free time you start asking the question 'Who am I?' and when you are not being a student, you have no sense of what 'self' is.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shif...6/who-am-i makes for an interesting read on the issue. It lays out how questioning our self in this way can have a negative impact.

http://www.simplypsychology.org/self-concept.html lays out the whole idea of 'self' and 'who am I?'

I think your self image is way to tied to what you are doing. You see yourself as a student, you will see your self as a worker at company XYZ.

You are only twenty-two. There is no real way you can have an idea of what 'you' is. You just entered into adulthood and have a long, long, long road ahead of you. It is supposed to be a time of self discovery and figuring out who 'Me' is.

Your friends do NOT have this shit all figured out. If they tell you that they do, they are lying - either to you or themselves. They wear a great mask (as you most likely do at school) but inside they are most likely as scared, as isolated as lonely and messed-up and confused as you are.

We all wear masks - we hide 'self' from others because we all have confidence issues and attempt to live up to the expectations we perceive that society, parents and peers have of us.

Many of the social butterflies out there that you come across are actually introverts - They hide behind a mask deluded into thinking that that is what society wants from them. They are being something they are not because they think its expected from them.

Plenty of alcoholics and drug users started off attempting to live up to the expectations (perceived or real) society put on them. In order to cope they throw themselves into a substance. I suspect that you are throwing yourself into work in order to cope to a point. Are you a workaholic?

http://www.workaholics-anonymous.org/pag...ge=knowing

For more on workaholic: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workaholic

What is wrong with being alone? Seriously consider your reasoning behind why being alone is a bad idea?

Is it because society expects you to pair off and bond for life? Are your peers doing it thus you feel 'left out' because you are single?

Do you need therapist? If you feel that this is unmanageable in your life, then yes, definitely, seek professional help.