outing people

[gfxtwin]

I am never one to start rumors. I've never outed anyone before either. And what you feel is "taking control of another persons life" to me is helping them live their life with the realization that I support the true them. I would never do this unless my gaydar was screaming.

Don't you, as a gay man, find it harder to be friends with someone who didn't support the idea of being gay? When someone is closeted for no reason, I feel that it is often the result of internalized homophobia. I don't judge everyone on that basis, but my social experience tells me that this is often the case (keep in mind that I'm talking about an adult here, not a teen or a kid). It's self-destructive and can be destructive for other people. I would never automatically assume this is why someone is closeted, nor would I force anyone out of the closet, telling everyone I know that this person is gay. But if we're all among friends, and we all want to speak our minds among friends, it seems weird to just ignore the elephant in the room when I know that elephant would be happier roaming the open plains like we do.

[Pix]

Does anyone else feel that outing people, in many cases, isn't a big deal? Like if there's a really flamboyant guy who is obviously gay but uncomfortably pretends to be straight just to fit in, isn't it cool to say something that amounts to, "look, man, if you're gay and you know it flap your hands. It's okay and we'll always look out for you."

So what you're actually asking is "is it ok to privately offer support to someone you believe is gay." Sure. But that's not outing someone.

And I used to be all the way out (save in Texas), but it made life hard. It not only made life hard for me but also for children I care for. So there are good reasons other than "internal homophobia" to be in the closet. The world SHOULD accept us like it accepts left handed people (and btw, left handed people were once persecuted by church and state, too). But it's stupid to live in the world that SHOULD be when we actually live in the world that IS. And outing someone can potentially cost someone their job (it's legal to fire someone for being gay in most states, IIRC), their family and support structure, and even endanger their lives. That's why you have to let them decide which is better based on their individual circumstances, not decide for them.

[Rainbowmum]

I agree with LateBloomer .
It is a personal decision and up to them to chose the time.
A persons sexuality is their business .

[DerJack]

I am never one to start rumors. I've never outed anyone before either. And what you feel is "taking control of another persons life" to me is helping them live their life with the realization that I support the true them. I would never do this unless my gaydar was screaming.

Don't you, as a gay man, find it harder to be friends with someone who didn't support the idea of being gay? When someone is closeted for no reason, I feel that it is often the result of internalized homophobia. I don't judge everyone on that basis, but my social experience tells me that this is often the case (keep in mind that I'm talking about an adult here, not a teen or a kid). It's self-destructive and can be destructive for other people. I would never automatically assume this is why someone is closeted, nor would I force anyone out of the closet, telling everyone I know that this person is gay. But if we're all among friends, and we all want to speak our minds among friends, it seems weird to just ignore the elephant in the room when I know that elephant would be happier roaming the open plains like we do.

I still fail to understand why this hypothetical situation couldn't be acted out in private between you and your friend, instead of doing so in front of a group of other friends...

[dfiant]

Outing someone is a horrific thing to do, not all flambouyant and effeminate guys are gay. No one has any right to out anyone, it's disrespectful and it can be harmful. Look at the teens commiting suicide due to homophobic bullying....some of those teens aren't even gay but are trumatised...others are gay but not ready to be out.

Outing someone against their will is bullying, and bulling can lead to murder...thats how I think the suicide of of bully victim should be treated.

[gfxtwin]

And now I'm suddenly a bully? WTF, I would never BULLY someone for something they can't help. I wouldn't and haven't ever bullied anyone for any reason. But I can't help but feel a lack of respect for an adult hiding from who they are because it's more comfortable or easier. Especially if it's among a group of people who love and care about each other.

Maybe my entire definition of outing is wrong. To me, being out doesn't mean you have to tell EVERYONE you're gay. You are out around the people who care about you, but you would never flaunt your gayness to a neo nazi or a known homophobe. Very few out gay men or lesbians would. Why do you guys kinda equate "outing" someone to grabbing a gay person's arm and leading them down the street with a megaphone shouting, "EVERYONE LOOK AT THE HOMOSEXUAL!!!"?

[Almac]

No-one as the right to 'out' someone else, that stealing from that person the right to choose to be in the closet or out of it, its just plain wrong.

[mrk2010]

Nobody under any circumstances should be outed, it is an abhorrent thing to do and could have disastrous consequences. Look at all of these teens in America and in other countries who have been outed or blackmailed and have committed suicide. Although a slightly more liberal world it is still a dangerous thing to do. People have a right to make an autonomous choice regarding who they disclose their sexuality to.

[AirBorn]

Outing someone without their consent is wrong. It is not our place to out someone else, it is theres.

[pellaz]

... But I can't help but feel a lack of respect for an adult hiding from who they are because it's more comfortable or easier. Especially if it's among a group of people who love and care about each other.

somehow this post is not going as intended?

i dont have a lot of respect for people either; who could be but are not out. these people tend to be the ones still pretending to be the straight pillars of the church, vote like their dad and their gun collection... Why bother with them, they cant have a stable relationship gay or straight. They dont have a relationship with them selves.