Filling a void that is missing in my heart

[Teaspoonorg]

[SIZE="4"][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]I need some advise seeing that it is a brand new year and don't want to repeat the same things I did too much in 2011.

I have been single for a bit over 4 years and I am getting lonely. The guys here in my city are shallow and full of it. As a result I dedicated myself to working a lot (100 hours a week). My friends tell me that it isn't healthy. It keeps me out of depression just because my first boyfriend passed away a few years back and I feel that he took a huge chunk of my heart with him. Tell me, can that space be refilled or do I going back to having the work ethic of a computer????[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[YetAnother]

well, if you've been working fourteen hours a day seven days a week, then yeah you need a break or you'll burn out.
the plus side of having worked that kind of schedule for a while is that you should have enough money and brownie points to take a vacation.
not the "i'm going to vegas" kind of vaction, but the "i'm going sit at home, mostly rent movies and vegetate" kind of vacation.
take this down time to think about what it is you want and what you are capable of;
you wont be able to do that really whilst working all the time. relax a bit and meditate on it.

[pellaz]

my first boyfriend passed away a few years back and I feel that he took a huge chunk of my heart with him.

i dont think he would want you to say this. He would want you to go on with your life.

[Teaspoonorg]

It's weird having down time like this. My holidays are the only time a year I would look forward too when I worked that much because I would show up at an airport and choose a destination. I'm just trying to clear a path and follow it. The reason why I say that I feel he took a piece of him with me is because the more I am rejected or over looked or told unkind words I feel more like he may be the only one for me and maybe I should just accept it and continue

[YetAnother]

I would show up at an airport and choose a destination.

I'd advise against doing this kind of thing.
too much distraction is too much distraction -it doesn't matter if it's work,
or hopping on a plane and running around a strange city exploring.
just stick to HQ a while and relax. move slow and rush nothing.
if you have friends invite them over from time to time.
if not, then more pizza for you -you see what i'm saying?

[Teaspoonorg]

I got ya.

[fredv3b]

The guys here in my city are shallow and full of it.

All of them?


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[Teaspoonorg]

Just about

[azulai]

Even though it has been 4 years maybe you have not truly grieved for your partner. I wonder if in working a 100 hours a week you've actually allowed quiet time to mourn? Reflect and miss him; celebrate what you had. Laugh at fun memories. Cry. Close your eyes and feel his spirit; let him hug you and comfort you. I don't think that love ever leaves us, it just changes form.

I just think grief is an important part of healing. We all do it differently but I agree with your friends, working 100 hours a week is not healthy. It's just been your way of not having to face the pain. And, I just think you have to face it to move on. You loss not just a person but dreams and future plans?

If I'm reading correctly, you have tried meeting people but find them shallow? I get the sense that what you had with your partner was very beautiful. It's going to be difficult for anyone to compete with that and it won't be fair to either you or this new person.

I don't think you will find anyone "fits" until you celebrate what you had, put it in a special place in your heart, and then set yourself free. Then, maybe start out just enjoying people for who they are, maybe connect over shared interests rather than meeting to date. I was just thinking of something like volunteering at a LGBT organization, or whatever interests you have. Maybe do some things without the mindset of "looking" to date but just fun or volunteer where you do something to honor your partner's memory. An animal shelter or food bank? Just something where it's a different mind-set than work. I don't think a vacation is it, all that does is reinforce loneliness and looking. Do something around positive people with goals of helping and giving. Something else to consider is a Gay Men's Chorus group. You may say, I can't sing. Well, they need volunteers to do other jobs.

IDK, it just might be that you pushed yourself to date too soon but you haven't come to peace with your loss. You say you have felt rejected and over-looked but it may be a vibe you are putting out there. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I just mean, you may not be aware that you give off a vibe that you haven't dealt with some issues.

Sorry if I am way off base. Peace.

[fredv3b]

Just about

Don't be so sure, that's a lot of guys. Perhaps you need to look elsewhere than the regular gay bar crowd.


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