relationship help -getting ex back

[budley12]

i have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years... but he broke up with me 2 months ago due to trust issues. I cheated once at the beginning because I wasnt comfortable with my sexuality (i wasnt out yet), and then over the summer something happened with another guy but I didn't commit to the act, but I didnt tell him and he found out from a mutual friend i told (yes i know that was dumb for not telling him). But he used to really love me and I started to fall in love with him. I was starting to accept our breakup but then we started talking every night for hours over winter break. He said he wanted to get back with me when we got back to school, but now that we are back he says he just wants to be friends and possibly get back together down the road. he says he wants me to show him that I have changed, but at the same time i feel that he is playing me and fooling around with this other kid. He is an RA and is very busy and he says he is confused and needs to focus on himself and be single at the moment. It also doesnt help that our mutual friends chose his side and are swaying him away from me. Any advice would be awesome... I really love him and I know he still has feelings for me. I just feel like he is going to keep me around giving me hope until he finds something else... my friends say to move on and find someone else but its easier said then done. Thanks in advance

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Bud and welcome to the forum.:biggrin:
I do not wish to rain on you parade here , but sweetie he is your ex for a reason.
You did not feel secure enough to commit to your relationship with him the fist time, right ?
Listen to what your gut is telling you .You are having doubts for a reason.
Sweetie take back the power , you are no ones door mat.

Here for you, keep us informed.mile:

[dfiant]

Agree with mum 100% and would also like to add that the animosity showed towards you from his friends ain't gonna go away, and in any relationship friends are important.

You need to let your broken herat heal and then allow yourself to move one. This one is not right for you.

[pellaz]

welcome to gayspeak

at least he is still talking to you.
you broke up so both of you can do what you want, including him. So try not to feel put out if he is interested in other guys. Think of how he felt during the whole process.

[budley12]

i just cant get over him. until he says "im not taking you back" or "i found someone else" i dont think i will move on. He was my first and I was his. I still love him and I think he loves me still but he is super busy with his major and being an RA and not to mention his friends. We are going to DC this weekend together as well... he says he is just busy now and wants to be single but maybe down the road we will get back. I just dont know guys...

[TomStatic]

to me ex's are ex's for a reason, fuck em move on, if it was really love it never would have ended, neather one of u guys would have given up

[iPromise]

lol, awe you two sound too good to be true. However; I think honestly speaking you should take a look at yourself and perhaps work on yourself, seems like he's doing the same thing. You cheated on him, worse he found out from a mutual friend, how'd you think that feel?

I'm surprised he hasn't said "fudge off" actually I'm not that surprised, because there actually may be something there, but he's not concerned about that now, you are, he's working hard to prove to himself that he can be independent, single, and happy. Don't ruin it for him or yourself, do yourself a favor and consider doing the same, see where things lead from there. Sounds like you need a fresh start, even though you said you really love him.

I think what you miss is his loyalty and compassion, you're not going to get that easy from here on. I always say a cheater one a cheater forever.

[budley12]

so just checking in - tonight i went to his place and we talked for about 2 hours and he started opening up with me more. he was then saying how he has forgiven me, however he cant forget... after talking some more he said that he wants to start hanging more as friends and he suggested we watch a movie this week at my place. then he started saying "i love my big bed" and "this blanket is so comfy" so then I layed down with him and put my arm on him. he didnt budge or say back off or anything... so we stayed there for about 15minutes but then he said "i think its time for you to go"... so i think overall it went well, but now im worrying that I pushed things too far too fast.

-as for the "once a cheater always a cheater". i somewhat believe that, however... every situation is different. When I cheated I was not out yet. I was still uncomfortable with myself. i was bullied pretty badly in high school when I tried coming out and it has made me very uncomfortable allowing me to be "me". I was afraid I would be bullied again with being around someone who was open, So yes... i cheated with someone who was closeted. I know its not a good excuse but I was not ready to be committed and I even told him this. But I have come out now and am strong and comfortable with who I am and I know I will never cheat again.