Need Advice: Should I tell the folks?

[Zero]

Hello I need a bit of advice in coming out to my parents, namely should I do it soon or at all? For a little bit of back story I grew up in a small traditional town, the kind where you would actually see the occasional confederate flag, so not the most open minded of places. Since I was about 14; I repressed the relatively obivious fact I was gay, I was homophobic as all hell and never discussed any of my feelings for my best friend mike, whom I loved through most of high school, because he was straight. I couldn't accept who I was for almost 9 years, hell everyone but me and my parents pretty much knew way before i did. I didn't realize who I really was till I left to go 3 and a half hours from my parents to live with friends and finish my masters. One of my best friends was a leader of a GSA in high school and works with the college's LGBTA on certain things. It took me two months around him, and others, as well as two weeks of panic attacks to finally except who I am. I have been out for about a year now and my attitude has done a 180 as i discover what i believe and not what my parents said i should believe. All my friends know and weren't suprised at all (they were all really supportive^^), both my grandma and aunt, and uncle were all extremely supportive. But the one hurdle left is my parents. They have very conservative views, I'm talking 1950s era. They kicked me out of the house at nineteen but stopped just short of disowning me for crashing three cars. I have made my own way for the past 5 years. I come down to family functions and its cordial but I cant be myself around them, and 90% percent of my views fly against theirs. What I would like to ask is, should I tell them? I'm afraid they will completely disown me and though it wont affect me financially, I still will always want to see them and have them be apart of my life. I have been going back and forth on this for 8 months now><.
Any advice would be of great help. Thank You

P.s. Sorry for it being so long, I suck at condensing things><

[dfiant]

go with your gut...don't be pressured into thinking that you HAVE to come out. just saying

[dlboy53]

I would say that no one can really tell you what to do, it all comes down to you and only you. Now for what you have said about your friend and grand parents especially know about it an are ok with the whole thing I would say that your parents should be as well but that just a hunch.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well you can tell them, or you can just meet some nice guy, move in with each other, marry and pretend each time the folks come over that he is just your roommate. I'm sure the parents won't suspect a thing for at least a decade.

Eventually they will be told by someone, or figure it out on their own. In the meanwhile you will have lover(s) to deal with who will get tired of tip-toeing around and living the lie with you.

Since you are independent, it may be a good idea to drop the Gay Bomb. Mind there are right ways and wrong ways to drop the Gay Bomb.

If you are seeking full humiliation and horror from the parents, do it at a funeral when all family members are present. Its especially effective if the person in the casket is a staunch - 100% anti-gay person and you confess loudly to them 'Just to let you know aunt Marge, I am gay and I'm proud!' as your parting words.

If you are wanting to break it easy to them, then I suggest you do it either individually or as a couple. If they are divorced doing it as a couple is a bad idea.

And just tell them 'You know, I'm gay.'

In all honesty it nice you want to keep your folks as your folks, but if they can't accept you totally then the whole pride, honor, love of parents and offspring thing just isn't there and you are better off knowing that and not spending years, decades attempting to win something you can't win.

[Sylph]

Well you can tell them, or you can just meet some nice guy, move in with each other, marry and pretend each time the folks come over that he is just your roommate. I'm sure the parents won't suspect a thing for at least a decade.

Eventually they will be told by someone, or figure it out on their own. In the meanwhile you will have lover(s) to deal with who will get tired of tip-toeing around and living the lie with you.

Since you are independent, it may be a good idea to drop the Gay Bomb. Mind there are right ways and wrong ways to drop the Gay Bomb.

If you are seeking full humiliation and horror from the parents, do it at a funeral when all family members are present. Its especially effective if the person in the casket is a staunch - 100% anti-gay person and you confess loudly to them 'Just to let you know aunt Marge, I am gay and I'm proud!' as your parting words.

If you are wanting to break it easy to them, then I suggest you do it either individually or as a couple. If they are divorced doing it as a couple is a bad idea.

And just tell them 'You know, I'm gay.'

In all honesty it nice you want to keep your folks as your folks, but if they can't accept you totally then the whole pride, honor, love of parents and offspring thing just isn't there and you are better off knowing that and not spending years, decades attempting to win something you can't win.

Agree, totally.
My mom said she always knew, and was actually happy that I am gay, cause now she's got a shopping buddy . When I told my dad (he was never around, till recently), it was pretty hostile, cause we had just came from swimming at a pool with my brothers and sister(he asked me to come, so I said yes) and we saw a guy with a purse and bedazzled jeans and my sister asked "dad, why does he have a purse?". My brothers(I have 3 younger brothers and 2 younger sisters, brothers on my dad's side and 1 sister. The other sister is from my mom) started laughing and called him a sissy and my dad just laughed and agreed with them.

Now usually, I'm a very calm and very loving and open person, but something in me snapped, maybe because my siblings were laughing at someone who could've potentially have been me or the fact that my father wasn't stopping them. I started to tell them off and they all went quite. My dad was driving the car at this time, and he kept looking at me strange and was like "why do you care so much?"

I was like (pardon my language :c), "how can you not respect a fellow human being, no matter what he/she looks like or their sexual orientation, you asshole??" and he was just shaking his head and pretty much blew me off. I said to him, what if that had been me walking with my purse and my bedazzled jeans, would you have made fun of me? He gave me one of those "wahhhh?" looks and then he said, "I'd love you no matter what" and I was just like, yeah right, fuck off. My brother's looked shocked(my sister wasn't listening after I started shouting), but when we got back to the house(their house), my brother's told me that I wasn't a sissy and was still their awesome big bro, and I actually started crying. They've never seen me cry before, so they were utterly shocked. Afterwards, everyone got together to play some Supersmash bro's (even my dad and his girlfriend) on the wii and I was just so mad, but so relieved that atleast my brothers loved me as I am.

Not to soon after, my brother's and sister were enrolled in a school in england, and my father and his girlfriend(who actually likes me) moved away with them, and I've only spoken to my siblings once, last christmas. I felt like he was just trying to put some distance between us, and that hurt me, but I'm not a vengeful person. I've forgiven him and I don't believe he wants/wanted to hurt me, but he's just not used to it. He was raised a "macho" man and is an international runner and has been a "mans man"(no pun intended :tongue all his life. He got my mom pregnant at 14 when he was going on 19. He's lucky my mom never pressed charges, but they both said it was consentual.

Basically, you don't know what your future will hold, but ask yourself this. Is it worth the risk to be free and happy in your own skin, regardless of the chaos and negativity around you? Or would you rather stay in that un-comfortable closet until you feel like it's suffocating you? Obviously take your time, but not because other people are pressuring you/ making you feel bad about yourself, but because it's about you and how comfortable you feel. Never feel like being yourself is something to be ashamed of. Be proud of who you are, both individualistically and as a whole person. Parents are important, trust me I know, I basically grew up with my mother, but you have to be you at some point and not your mom and/or dad's little boy.

It's like being a butterfly(not trying to be funny), in order to become beautiful and vibrant, you have to first undergo your "metamorphsis", which is probably the hardest part of a catipillars life, cause so many things can go wrong while they're in that vulnerable state, but eventually they make it through and so will you.

HUGZZZ

[Zero]

Thank you everyone for the advice I really appreciate it.mile: Its helped me to realize that I have to live my life. I've decided I'm going to tell the parents on spring break when i go down for two days. If they don't like it oh well, I can't be a different person around my parents anymore.

[Person66]

I wonder how much time you spend with your parents, because I haven't told my father and it's pretty easy not to, theres's no "tip-toeing" involved. He lives a very isolated life, and when occasionally I must see him, I just don't bring the BF. he's not intertwined in my life (my father that is). He knows I live with a man, most people can figure it out from there. Besides no matter what you tell him he believes what he wants to anyway. I don't see myself as living a lie.