I think I've talked about My best friend, almost a brother, going to be having surgury to remove some four inches of scar tissue from his brain.
he had that surgury today.
He told a mutual friend of ours to keep me informed on how he is doing.
I was told he should live... but the surgury didn't go well... so there may be permanent damage.
I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling right now... Anger at the surgeons for not doing better than their best maybe? Or sorrow that he is more damaged than before... I... I don't know... I guess I need to talk about it more than advice... but I don't know what to do right now to keep me from breaking down... so maybe that's what I need advice on...
Bubby...... I don't know Why... But I feel like it's my fault somehow... Maybe I jinxed it or something?.... well.. as long as he gets better.... but I don't know how to handle this... feeling I have.. It's almost darker an emotion than when my Fiance Died....
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Sorry to hear this.  It's ok to break down and let yourself have those feelings, you know. Nothing like a good cry to purify the soul.
As for 'jinxing' …. that didn't happen so give yourself a break. Guilt is a pretty useless emotion, especially in a situation like this over which you have not control. You may need to 'be there' during his recovery some. So, heal yourself so you can be there for that.
And go ahead and post out your feelings if you want to. Nothing wrong with that.
.
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If I broke down, and my family got back, they'd pry and then make my life hell
and I told him he'd get better, and that he had too, that te operation would go fine.. that's why I feel I Jixed it.. I know I probably didn't but...
And I wish I had the money to go and visit him soon, just to be there for him... If he didn't live a country away I'd be there now... If I had saved my money when I first got my job, I'd have a car by now....
If I tried harder, I would probably have a job in Canada right now, but I try my best and still never find the information I need ofr some specific jobs...
Life .. right now, It feels like Life's out to get me
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The friend just told me that Bubby made me the soul beneficiary in his will...
I don't undertand... I don't even feel like I've been that good a friend... damnit I'm almost crying again... this is confusing... but he will live, he isn't allowed to die yet... so why friend told me that...
well.... I guess I DID go on a self hate spree...
>.> I REALLY need to get that COMPLETLY under control... except when I'm stressed, I normally do anymore
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When I'm a mess I like to sit down and imagine strings of different colours, all crossed up. One string, let's say it's red, is for education/work, another is for the daily routine, yet another for a particularly difficult issue that needs handling, etc.
So I mentally examine those strings, figure out what needs doing and when and then I put that individual string aside, nice and straight, before I continue onto the next string which I then place parallel to the first one. I keep doing this until all the strings are lined up neatly in the otherwise empty blackness that is my daydream.
I'll be thinking of you and your troubles.
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Cuddly Wrote:When I'm a mess I like to sit down and imagine strings of different colours, all crossed up. One string, let's say it's red, is for education/work, another is for the daily routine, yet another for a particularly difficult issue that needs handling, etc.
So I mentally examine those strings, figure out what needs doing and when and then I put that individual string aside, nice and straight, before I continue onto the next string which I then place parallel to the first one. I keep doing this until all the strings are lined up neatly in the otherwise empty blackness that is my daydream.
I'll be thinking of you and your troubles.
An elegant solution. Brilliant.
Thank you for sharing.
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Humeinator2 Wrote:Life .. right now, It feels like Life's out to get me
Life is never out to get you. Life wants you alive. Life wants you to thrive.
Life is there for you, and you are there for Life and you are there for Bubbly. Bubbly also wants you alive and also wants you to thrive.
Honor Life. Honor Bubbly. Be alive and thrive.
There is much you can do. We on GS have seen a lot of your immense creativity. Channel it if you can.
Good luck. Thoughts to you.
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Bubby, not bubbly  but I thank you for your thoughts
I watched some cartoons that are no longer running, well, actually I just watched two episodes of one today, but still, It's called Oban Star Racers, and it cheared me up a bit
the "Fight through anything " attitude of the main girl may have made me a little more optomistic but now I'm just asking the friend that is suppossed to talk to me how things are, and how HE is doing, since he loveds my bubby quite a bit
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Joey... you're too lovely to deserve that sorrow 
Cry and cry until there are no more tears, but never show your breakdown to those who could make it worse. Everyone, at some time, will arrive somewhere in a lifetime where he can't take it anymore. But please, never ever want or expect anyone to have pity on you. Just think about your brother seeing you in pain, he surely then won't get better, at least emotionally...
My advice? Since you're very creative and talented, write down every bit of feelings you have, in a poem, a story, a drawing, and like 50Plus said, you could channel it... because what you need now is to stabilize your emotions.
My heart is with you  . Be patient, have faith and always hope tomorrow is a better day.
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