So far we have raised 0% of our monthly running costs! Thanks for your generosity!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Bromance? How do I tell him I'm bisexual?
#11
Why can't he be bi too...? After all he did suggest you fool around together. He's been thinking about it. If it had never entered his mind, he wouldn't even have suggested it, no matter how comfortable you are with each other.
Reply
#12
well ive never heard of a straight man doing any of those things with another man. straight men dont generally hold hands with eachother hug tightly and most of all dont cuddle he definitely has at least half a rainbow in him
Reply
#13
1. I think you should just tell him one day while you're hanging out. He seems a lot like a friend of mine and he was in disbelief at first but was just ... cool dude! he was really into me being gay lol but yeah you should have no trouble telling him Smile Sounds like you're really close.
2. Eh I can't judge since never having one sorry Sad
Reply
#14
Bromance doesn't involve cuddle and little <3 in the text.
Believe me that both of you are on the same boat. If you are not brave enough to tell him then get both of you drunk. Alcohol will help to make a first move. And if thing doesn't work out, you can just blame it on alcohol lol.

Personal experience here lol
Reply
#15
you must tell him; either way it will come to an end.
-irregardless telling him; you should put limitations on the friendship or expect your heart to be broken. If you are willing to handle the sadness later keep your mouth shut and enjoy.
-if you tell him, most likely he will not be able to take it and stomp off. at least how i read it.
Reply
#16
I don't know of any bromance that involves hearts in the text's and cuddleing. I had a few guys I was very close with in high school and the Army, we told each other everything but it never involved any type of cuddeling or anything physical at all.

I get the feeling he might kind of want you, or at least to explore his own sexuality with you and I base this off of his jokes like I want to jack off and help me with it, etc. I have never met any straight guys who have ever said anything like that to another male, even jokingly. So it's possible that he is bi since he has a girlfriend and it is also possible that he is gay, before I felt safe coming out, and before I felt safe accepting myself as gay I had girlfriends as well because I saw scared people might figure it out if I didn't. It could be the same for him, then again, I only have the information you've given me to go off of so I could be completely wrong.

Regardless of if he is straight, bi, gay, or still trying to figure it all out since you two are so close and I don't think it will effect your friendship any. Might even make it stronger. All my friends know and none of them have an issue with it and it has not effected our relationship any, even with the guys/girls who I know who are pretty conservative and attend church like every week and this homosexuality is a sin. Oh girl, Denisse is one of those type of people and she's actually my best friend now, weird, lol. But yeah, I say tell him.

Now this is getting long so I'll wrap this up. But if you're really scared to tell him, which I can understand completely, what I have done that has worked for me and might help you is to write it out on paper. Write out what I want to say, his best possible reaction if I tell tell, them his worst possible reaction if i tell him, likely, his actual reaction will be in the middle somewhere, so just knowing that the worst reaction that can happen is not likely to happen helps. Then I write out on paper how I plan on saying it, what I think his reaction will be, using my logical mind and not letting my emotions and fears tell me something different, then I have a general idea of how it will go and that helps me build a little confidence and when I do tell him I have a general idea in my head of how I plan on saying it because for me just finding the words can be tough, so writing out in advance how I'd like to say it for some reason keeps it clear and formulated in my head so when I do decide to tell him I can get it out pretty easily then just wait for the response.

I've struggled a lot with telling friends and family about myself being gay, I was pretty sure I was gay when I was in 7th grade, didn't actually act on it and know for sure until around 2008 and I spent over two years hiding and not telling my friends and family because I was SO scared of the reaction, I was sure it was going to end badly and to my surprise, no one cared, everyone was cool with it and just wanted me to be happy. So I now try and live my life in a more rational way and not let my emotions and fears run my thought process, thus effecting my emotions when lead to how I control my behaviors which was hiding and doing all I could to keep this secret which wouldn't help the situation any which then led back to my thoughts. It's using the cognitive model which teaches you to challenge the thoughts before they lead to emotions thus effecting your behaviors by using thought records, pro's and con's, etc. Of course I rarely catch it during the thoughts, they are usually automatic and just pop up there but the emotion stage is where I catch it at, I'm like, wait, why do I fell angry right now? or scared? or depressed, then find the thoughts that led to those emotions, challenge the thoughts and they are usually distorted, and that helps. I fell like I got off topic so i'll end this here, it's easy for us to say go and tell him but it's very tough to do but I think it will be worth it and work out well, and you should reward yourself after telling him and if it doesn't go well make sure you have a distraction set up afterword or someone to talk to so you don't keep thinking about it and letting your emotions take control.
Reply
#17
Been there, done that. Old high school friend who we told each other our secrets. First person from my home town I told after college and he was luke-warm at first. In my case I always thought he had 'have a rainbow' in him since every few years some one would question him about his internet history. Whether it was a family member or friend he would always get very, very defensive. He's a macho guy (played football in highschool, picked a fight with a gay student...well beat the hell out of him to be honest) but I had my doubts between the trans and furry porn, inebility to develope a relationship with a girl beyond one night stand, and intense bromances; but I digress.
He was luke warm at first and told me things like "well if you're confused then you better figure yourself out" or "Your problem is you haven't slept with enough girls." But once I told my other friends and they were very supportive he changed his toon. The first time I went to a gay club I left him and my other friends suddenly while bar hopping. Next time I saw him he was mad not that I went to a gay club but I went without telling him as him and my other friend would have went with me.
The night of my first actual gay experience started out the same, and my one ginzo friend (it's ok, I'm italian too) cheared me on since he was 'cougar hunting' and I was 'lion hunting'; my best friend demanded I let him know the details when if I went back out. When we did end up getting together afterwards he wanted to hear all the gory details of giving and getting head with a guy.
Other bromance I-seriously-question-your-sexuality moments included pulling me into the men's restroom at a dive bar, taking turns putting the coke spoon in each other's noses (I know, makes us sound like dirt bags but we do party hard sometimes) and telling me repeatedly I was "his only friend he could talk to" or his "only friend that understood him" with a hand on my shoulder a foot apart.
Eventually I got fed up and asked him point blank, no innuendos, no jokes, what was up with him and why wouldn't he hurry up and let us sleep together. I pointed out the afore said reasons, got macho bullshit answers (I don't need to go after girls, they come after me!) till I went nuclear and asked about the gay porn (we frequent the same websights lol). At that point we were both drunk as hell and he went off on me for abusing his trust, and he was just 'bored' of regular strait porn (how someone could get entertained by gay porn on and off for years and not draw a conclusion about themselves I don't know, total closet case). He's got over it within 24 hours.
If the relationship is a strong one then you will probably continue to be friends even if it's awkward at first, if it gets awkward ignore the awkwardness. Seems like both of you are kind of shy about the sexuality thing, don't plan on coming out to only one person, let him see you are comfortable with yourself as are others before you can expect him to be comfortable with you. Have you asked what he thinks about gay people or repealing DADT? I'm not sure if waiting till both of you are drunk is the best idea, emotions flair easier. Telling my friend, even if we can piss each other off sometimes, made my life much much easier as it led to a higher level of self exceptance, and he's gone from his highschool days of terrorising the class gay kid to supporting gays in the military and gay marriage.
Reply
#18
[COLOR="Blue"]The guy above me has a decent point at "ignore the awkwardness", in my experience, if you ignore it, it does just go away (long boring story of getting with a closeted flat mate and him feeling nervous etc around me but now he's back to being my best mate).

But all the stuff you've said about holding hands, cuddling in bed etc, I do that with my current, all very straight flat mates (for gods sake, I was spooning one in bed last night watching paranormal activity) and it doesn't mean anything more than being truely close mates. They're all fine with my sexuality, if anything two of them turned around and said they thought as much. My best mate had a bit of a problem with it, and you'll probably find the same. Not that your gay, more that you havn't been true honest with someone, something kinda fundamental to most relationships!

In all honesty, he's more than likely not to be gay and don't pin your hopes on him. Out yourself to him and go from there. Wink [/COLOR]
Reply
#19
I have a friend who went through this. He would date a guy, and something would make him decide he needed a woman. He would break up with the guy for the woman, then he needed another guy. Aside from losing most of his friends, he is now alone, and aging poorly. You are getting good advice here. You know it is what is on the inside that counts. I can still give a woman a great ride. I like men in bed. I do not dislike femininity I am just super drawn to things that are male, male, male! Experiment sure, I am. I'll worry about settling down when something happens or I hit 35. Remember it is easier to understand someone who has plumbing like yours.
Reply
#20
Hi! I'm in the same situation..
Cuddling, hugs, hold hands..
But we never spoke about fooling around, or me doing him..
But, we are really close, our officemates tells us that, were like a couple.
He know I'm gay, he knows I have special feelings for him, but that doesn't stop him from being extra sweet to me.. He has a Girlfriend too..
But, it bothers me, if he's bi, and wants to be with me, but has a Girlfriend..
I don't wanna ruin a relationship..
They actually brokeup already, but got back together..
Well, keep us posted! Smile
Happy Holidays everyone!
Reply


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Bisexual moments Freak 3 520 05-24-2014, 07:13 PM
Last Post: Freak
  Should I identify as bisexual? Arkansota 16 793 09-05-2013, 10:26 PM
Last Post: Eros
  Am I Bisexual? donovan 5 489 01-08-2013, 01:50 AM
Last Post: Rainbowmum
  Need to get over my bromance sc4456 5 543 01-05-2013, 04:12 AM
Last Post: Counselor
  Being bisexual is a phase? (Long story) Exokonan 9 952 10-01-2012, 02:41 PM
Last Post: BobInTampa

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)