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Emotions all over the place
#1
Hey guys,

First time poster here. Sorry it has to be about a break up. Well my bf dumped me about 3 weeks ago, and immidiatly like less than 2 days later already had another bf, whom he lives with now. They met less than a month ago and my bf and I lived together for close to a year.

Okay, I know the relationship is over. I'm trying to move on, but sometimes get really really sad. I know he wasn't good for me and I knew the relationship was going downhill, but why do I feel like this when my mind knows that he wasn't for me. I found out that he spent x-mas with his fam and his new bf and that really, really hurt since I was supposed to be with him.

I just wish I could snap out of it like he did and just move on. I guess what really, really hurts is to feel that I've lost my best friend, we've known each other for three years. I was easily replaceable. And how can someone just move on like that, like what we had was nothing. I wish I could just take a pill and feel back to normal again. I really hate feeling like this and don't ever wanna feel this pain ever again in my life. I would rather be single an not ever feel like this than meet someone and have it all go downhill. I'm not a person who turns to drugs, but I really wish there was something I could take.

I've read all the articles on the stages of grief and I think I might be at the anger or depression stage. I just feel really, really lonely right now and don't wanna let anyone close to me. Dating is the farthest thing on my mind right now. I just wanna know how others dealt with this.

Thanks
#2
Why should you feel, or be made to feel, that you should get back in the dating pool? The grieving analogy seems to make sense. You need time to adjust to your new circumstances and what it all means for you now and in the future.

Obviously I have no way of knowing, but I wouldn't be surprised if he had been planning this break-up for some time in advance of the event. It seems rather a coincidence that he has been able to sort out a new boyfriend and accommodation so quickly otherwise. Maybe I'm just being cynical. However long he'd been thinking in advance of leaving you he still gave himself more notice than he gave you. You're just behind him in dealing with the changes at the moment.

Take each day at a time and try not to let the rest of your life fall apart because of what has happened with your relationship.

Good luck.
#3
I think that this "stage" will pass over soon. The problem is not in you. And, well...all I can say is that maybe you should try focusing on different things in life now. Things you like but didn't pay much attemtion too while you were with that guy. You don't have to start dating soon or anything. Just be sure to know that you are a great guy and next time you are in a relationship, it might be better... :/
PENNYWISE LIVES
#4
Hello NorCalGuy and Welcome to GaySpeak. I'm very sorry to hear that you are so upset and still hurting from the breakup. As has been mentioned before, it would be good to be able to focus on other things in your life, but it's probably also a good thing that you a grieving over the breakup. All of this sounds very sudden for you, and there is a period of "mourning" to go through with the death of this dream.
I suppose the best thing you can do, apart from taking drugs (maybe some mild anti depressants might be a good idea: ask your doctor) is to stick around the boards and tell us how you feel. Keeping it all bottled up is definitely not a good idea. I agree with Marshlander that your ex seemed to have planned it a bit ahead. Did he give any reason for the breakup? Did you see it coming?
Good luck with getting through this.
#5
Hey dude sorry to hear but i have the feeling that im in same stage you are and dont wanna see another guy again but i do know its gonna only get better with time cause now i feel abit better than i did last week and it can only get better,hangout with your friends it helps alot,they are like a pill in its own way :tongue:
#6
Glad to hear you are making some progress, Luke.

All the best.
#7
Let yourself feel whatever you feel for as long as you need to and then when you feel up to it...take a moment to forgive him because that will free you in the long run....the act of forgiveness is for you...not him...he doesnt' even need to know about it.

What he did has nothing at all to do with you as a person and in order to not let it affect your future relationships an act of forgiveness is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and your spirit. It will also help you put it in the past and live in the present.
.
#8
East ... ah wise he is.

[Image: yoda_in_swamp.jpg]
#9
LOL...ahhhh...YODA!!! I Love Yoda! I dont know about the wise part but I wish I was as cute as he is:biggrin:
#10
Thanks guys. I'm trying to move on and forgive, but just that nagging feeling of being used, dumped and being replaced so easily makes me feel like crap. Plus it angers me beyond belief.

I haven't been in many relationships, but when I've broken up with my ex's I was always very nice, polite and caring for their emotions. Never would I've gotten into a new relationship, bragged about it and posted pics on FB. Which my current ex did. Why would someone do that? It's like pouring salt into an open wound. Plus he literally just left. Left me with the bills and the rent.

I guess what really gets to me is that he just moved on like it was nothing. I know a few of you said that he was planning this and that's why he is much farther ahead than I. I think you're right. But still it hurts that someone could just throw away a friendship and relationship away like it was nothing. And then jump into a new one within days. Pass go, here's your 200 bucks and move right along. Like I said before I lost what I thought was my best friend and that really, really hurts.

I kindof knew the relationship was going downhill, was in a bit of denial about it and actually planned a trip for us in Jan so we could just get away and rekindle things. I know relationships go up and down and well sometimes you need to add a little spark once in a while.

I just hate being in this emotional rollercoaster and want it to end now.


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