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Long relationship but lacking sex...HELP!
#1
Ok so I have been in a relationship for going on 19 months and at first we were like rabbits. Good times and always had an active sex life whenever we saw each other. Since I would say the last six months sex has gone from a lot to once a week if im lucky. Anyways everything else in the relationship is great but the lack in the sexual department really frustrates me and I have tried to talk to him about it and all, and he says we will work on it and we will improve I promise. Blah blah blah. Well that was weeks ago and i have not seen any change. His excuse usually is he is to tired or if i tease him in the morning telling him wait till you get home tonight and he just constantly says "we will see or maybe" and of course nothing happens and leaves me feeling rejected and disappointed. I really don't know what to do and I'm beginning to wonder if there is someone else he is getting off with and not me but it really is strange because he is affectionate and what not with me and i don't see any signs of cheating but sex just isn't there....sighs please help. Anyone had this happen to them before or anything like this? Any advice will help.
#2
sex can get boring for one or both partners, it happens all the time in relationships, and this is where a real relationship is tested, love vs lust
#3
Well, maybe there is somebody but you can't be sure. I say stop teasing him, stop doing anything, even stop having sex at all with him and maybe he'll come around...:]
PENNYWISE LIVES
#4
Question, when you do have sex does he still enjoy it? Does he actually want to do it or does he just do it to satisfy you?
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
#5
You don't say how old he is. Could that have a bearing on the situation? In the early days of a relationship one often steps up the amount of sex and as the relationship settles the amount of sex falls back to what feels normal. Maybe he feels the urge less often? From "a lot" to once a week or less is a bit dramatic though. Even if he is not seeing someone else there is something going on to divert his attentions away from you. Does he understand your worries? It may just be that he finds it difficult to muster the energy, although I am a little surprised that he doesn't seem to want to do it to help you. Health issues, stress, depression, ongoing medication, family and work worries are some of the things that can affect libido.
#6
If sex is the only problem then go for some NSA casual section (bar?, craiglist?, grindr?). Just don't leave mess behind.
However, I feel like the issue is far more than just sex.
#7
I think this is the norm really...I was in the position to talk to thousands of people about their relationships as I worked in a gay bar for many years and I heard this pretty much uniformly though there were exceptions and those were what interested me the most. I came to the conclusion that too many people are bound by the image of love...portrayals in the media (fiction) and dogma courtesy of tradition and religion...we are convinced there is a certain way we are supposed to feel and act and also convinced sex=love and love=sex....so I came to a personal conclusion and have employed it pretty much since then with success...

...find out where your partner wants (or better yet "needs") to go mentally. Our private sexual thoughts and desires are often accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt and we hide them from each other and from ourselves because we judge ourselves or all too often measure ourselves against works of fiction and antiquated models. If you can find a way to tap into that and free your own or your partners fantasies that can help tremendously.
#8
We are both in our early 20s and yes from what I can tell he enjoys it. I mean we both enjoy it. I have talked to him twice. The first time he was sorry and it changed for a few weeks then it went back to the old way and then the second time I tried to talk to him it turned into a big fight which really hurt me and yeah idk. So I'm really confused. I really don't want to find out there is someone else and ive checked all his profiles and I pay his cell phone and see nothing. Unless it's happening at work there really isn't anyway there could be anyone else. Sighs I don't know what to do. We are so young I figured we would be rabbits but sadly we aren't. I'm a very sexual active guy and this is extremely frustrating.
#9
SlipknotRlZZ Wrote:Well, maybe there is somebody but you can't be sure. I say stop teasing him, stop doing anything, even stop having sex at all with him and maybe he'll come around...:]

Oh I did try that. Nothing no affection. No kissing. No nothing and he did nothing. I finally confronted him and he said yeah I noticed and I said really? And you did nothing and all he could say was " shrug " ...
#10
Untraceable726 Wrote:We are both in our early 20s and yes from what I can tell he enjoys it. I mean we both enjoy it. I have talked to him twice. The first time he was sorry and it changed for a few weeks then it went back to the old way and then the second time I tried to talk to him it turned into a big fight which really hurt me and yeah idk. So I'm really confused. I really don't want to find out there is someone else and ive checked all his profiles and I pay his cell phone and see nothing. Unless it's happening at work there really isn't anyway there could be anyone else. Sighs I don't know what to do. We are so young I figured we would be rabbits but sadly we aren't. I'm a very sexual active guy and this is extremely frustrating.


Looks like you both have different sex drives... it happens. Why don't you suggest having an open relationship (I don't know if you'd like to do that) so that you don't end up frustrated with pent up sexual needs? Do you think it would mean the end of your relationship? Have you thought about threesomes? Maybe you're not clubbing people and don't know how to get that kind of sex, but if you could come to an agreement about having your sex drive sorted, it might spice up your sex lives and rekindle the relationship. If you both agree to an open relationship, then you needn't worry about him having affairs on the side, as you'd both know that you're doing it. I'd say the only rule that really applies here, is to play safe and not bring home any diseases.


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