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Small penis - Low self esteem
#11
I'd say that a lot of the advice has been covered. You seem to be in the average sized category of penis and anything much bigger (by 4 inches) could be a discomfort. If you are uncomfortable accomodating his penis, then you need to find solutions (I'm sure you've already worked it out). If he was uncomfortable with your penis, then he'd probably have left you already. Not all gays are size queens, and some of us (I'm sure) are quite happy with what we've got, because there is so much more to a relationship than the size of both guys' penises.

I would suggest a good talk with him, asking whether he thinks he would need to try something bigger, in which case you can always offer to get a dildo that is bigger than your own appendage. Toys are precisely for that sort of problem, I'd say.
Somehow it doesn't seem to be a problem for him and on the offering side, I'm sure there is more to your touch, and kisses and the way you love your man and make love to him than the size of your penis. What you really ought to go from is... ok, here's what we've got and here's what we can do with what we've got. Look at all the ways you can keep him happy and discuss all the ways in which he can make you happy. It really is the discussion that will make you go further.
I know it's not always easy to discuss sex matters frankly with someone, even someone as close as a boyfriend, but maybe you could enter the conversation in a humorous mode?
So you've told us a few of your insecurities here, but what you haven't told us is how he makes YOU feel with what he's got? Are YOU happy with the way your sex life is? Is it only to do with penis size?
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#12
outandabout Wrote:But if you're really concerned, I think you need to talk it out with your guy.
Would revealing such insecurities in a dating phase lead to a potential disaster? Like him shoving it in my face as an inadequacy hes had to deal with or something in future? Also, should i wait till I know that he is willing to let go and admit to some of his in securities too?

juk Wrote:Hey,
And dont forget, there are guys out there who prefer guys who DONT have massive cocks. My thought is if there is more than a mouthful then its too big!
Agreed. It has been hard sexually with him.


MegaFullbuster Wrote:Getting over insecurities takes time but it can be done, what I have always done is everytime I feel insecure about w.e I just tell myself all the reasons why w.e doesn't matter and I just ignore the feeling of insecurity and it has always gone away.
I don't know if that would work for you but maybe!
Doing this helps a little, but would require me to remind myself my worth to him. Its sad that i have to do that. Any adivce? Should I go ahead and keep mentally reminding myself why i am better than him so that i feel that he deserves me as much as i deserve him? Ok i am starting to realise how immature this sounds. :/

mooninleo Wrote:you sound objectified by being with him. it shouldn't be a competitive thing at allllll.
How so? How can i ensure that it is not a competitive thing? Like last night, i could get a proper hard on. There is this barrier that im trying to cross that i find it SO hard to.
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#13
eastofeden Wrote:and what else do I have to offer sexually

you could have the largest penis in the world and if you thought that you had alot to offer BECAUSE you had a large penis you would be equally insecure...and wrong.

This is so true. Thank you.

princealbertofb Wrote:So you've told us a few of your insecurities here, but what you haven't told us is how he makes YOU feel with what he's got? Are YOU happy with the way your sex life is? Is it only to do with penis size?

I can't help but feel like its some competition which I am losing. I know it sounds immature but I'm being perfectly honest. Mainly this feeling is arising possibly from my insecurity with my penis size. I am not a size queen as they call it. Or at least i cant afford to be one not having a large penis myself. I havent been totally hard for the last couple of times we slept together.

Sex life wise, we havent had intercourse. Not yet anyway. But the hugs, and kissing and bjs are all great. Everything is good. And from what i see, he doesnt see my penis size as an issue.
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#14
I started watching porn at a very young age. All porn actors have big dicks. But then even when i went to the pool for a swim as a teen the guys in the changing rooms all have huge dicks. I thought i would grow into it but for some reason i havent. I am apparently normal, but from the guys i have been dating in the past, that doesnt seem normal.

My whole life, the thing that i masturbate to is a guy with a huge penis. Somehow, putting myself down like that made me hard and cum. Is that really sad? And now, its like there are 2 sides that are conflicting. I want to feel inadequate, yet i want to know that i am adequate to meet his needs.
I am a big guy. I am tall and big boned (no pun intended) and mayb my penis seems smaller in proportion to my body. Any1 who looks at us would think that i have the bigger penis because of my stature. But who would know that he is twice bigger than me? Sad

I don't know how to even begin sorting this issue out. After years and years, how do undo the very thing that makes me this horny yet makes me feel so low that a person shouldnt be allowed to feel that way?
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#15
I understand its not going to be easy to get to a stage where you dont worry about your size, but it is possible to get there. I have a couple of suggestions to try, not sure if they are pointless or if they are of use to you feel free to ignore or try them Confusedmile:

1/ Accept that you are going to (for the time being) be concerned about your size. Make a deal with yourself that during intimate moments you will not allow yourself to torture yourself about your size. You can allow yourself to spend time before or after with those thoughts. You can then relax a bit during intimate moments and allow you both to enjoy the experience. After time you will certainly find that the time set aside to worry about it becomes less and less and less.

2/ Keep in mind that even if you had 14 inches, if your technique is awful it would always result in a bad experience for your partner, so why not concentrate your thoughts on perfecting technique? There is plenty online you can read to gain tips on technique.

Its not a competition, and it doesnt sound like your partner is trying to compete - sounds more like he is trying to enjoy a relationship with someone he cares about, including enjoying intimacy, its only yourself that makes it feel like a competition. Try and view it as facts, he is his size - you are your size - it cant be changed. He is with you and knowing your size hasnt changed that.
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#16
man, I miss all the good threads...

I've had experience of this too, I'm guessing that a fair number of guys have had issues over size. I'm average sized at an almost spot on 6", but I've always felt insecure when in the past I've been with guys whom the majority have been bigger, and it really sucks.

I tried jelqing (sorta stretching and clamping excercise) and some toys and pumps, it really got to the point where I just thought "this is f*cking stupid"... I'd never had any complaints, never had anyone make fun, it was all just a massive load of BS from pornography and self-image conditioning.

I understand why you're worried, I really do; but in the end it's really never caused any problems, it's more like problems you've made yourself. You kinda have to learn to love your dick, make friends with it, make it something you use rather than worry about. And I needn't tell you there's a whole lot of things you can do that'll give just as much pleasure. On a side note, you can always think of it as an advantage; full penetration and being able to have really great sex without hurting people is a major plus. My ex and I agreed that eyes are generally bigger than your belly (or other areas Rolleyes I'm crass today).

All of the above advice covers what I can't think of. Learn to love the little guy, I'm sure your hubby does x
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#17
[QUOTE=ridin_solo88 But I keep getting the feeling that any other gay guy would want him cos he is big or that he may get bored of my in future...and what else do I have to offer sexually?.:([/QUOTE]

If I had a choice to sleep with you or your boyfriend I would choose you. Why you may ask? Because I suspect having 23 cm cock shoved up my ass wouldnt be very comfortable and trying to suck him off would be equaly as awkward. My cock is right around the same size as yours. I wouldnt worry about the size difference. It could be alot worst, you could have a 8 cm cock like some guys. Your size has nothing to do with your ability to make him bust a nut.
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#18
A quick trawl across the web and there are plenty of images of smaller penises than yours. Unfortunately, many of these are set in a context of ridicule. It really is about time we all grew up. Your guy has stayed with you for the last few weeks, but I suspect your attitude to yourself is going to risk being a bigger turn-off for him than the size of your cock.

I can only imagine how growing up feeling inadequate affects how you feel about yourself and what you think you can offer your partner. A confident man can be very sexy, though, and there is so much you can do to make your man feel good without having to worry about your size. If you can make your man shudder in all the right places and bring him (eventually, of course Wink ) to a happy ending, you have no need to feel inadequate at all.
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#19
I had to do some conversion...As I the cm's confused me...lol Bt 13cms= 5.11 inches. Your Penis size is around the Average Male Size, it is indeed true that his penis is large (9Inches) but yours is okay! I mean our prostate is 2-3Inches inside of us, and you have more than enough to satisfy someone sexually. Also, remember sex is not just about he thrusting and hitting the g-spot, but also of all the romantic stuff that goes with it... For me it is of a turn off, if the guy only cares about thrusting in and reaching his climax I like the other things about sex....lIke the Look me in the eyes, drive you crazy if bit your earlobe...etcxD.
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#20
Oh and there is a bonus for being smaller. Seriously, one time my sex partner and I argued who has a bigger dick. ( My partner's dick is bigger but I was being stubborn Big Grin ) and he was so happy that I had a smaller one and he think it 's another cute thing of me. !! So, why do you need a big one when a smaller one obviously can please your partner better?
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