what is wrong with me?

[Darius]

Hi Mikey.

I think you are dealing with more than one issue here. You want a loving, caring, faithful relationship where sex will follow naturally. I think lots of people want this, but finding it on the internet is kind of like finding it at a bar--not so easy. You also found out guys say they want a LTR but then start to push sex, so you have trouble trusting people.
Then you express a fear of sex. I think there is a difference between being careful and being fearful. Everyone should be careful.
Then you are afraid of hurting your parents, so the likelihood of your coming out during their lifetimes is small, right? This adds one more fear to your life.
You want someone you can go slowly with, so stick to that. You have to do what is right for you.

Is your sex drive what you would call normal? Do you jack off regularly? Do you feel guilty about it?
What kind of guys interest you? Do you have understanding friends or other family in your life that you can be yourself with? Sorry about all the questions but it might help to understand better, for both you and us.