09-15-2016, 01:22 AM
Hey guys,
So I have been with my monogamous partner for almost three years now and we have had some major ups and downs, but the latest issue is one that feels like it might finally end us.
Essentially, the issue is sex, or lack of it. In the middle of last year my partner discovered he had contracted HPV (and naturally, had given it to me - he was my first sexual partner), we went on a course of Aldara (also known as imunoquil, I think) and it seemed to be effective in clearing it up - unfortunately for me it also gave me chemical burns and being the bottom, sex for me was quite uncomfortable for a few months after. Trying to be cooperative, I kept trying to have sex in the hope that eventually bottoming would feel good again, but it hasn't.
In about May this year, things got worse, while trying to have sex, something tore and I ended up with a pretty severe fissure - there was a significant amount of blood and I had to go to the hospital and get stitched up.
After this, sex was off the table for a good three months. To be honest, I was relieved. The idea of bottoming again repulsed me - even watching porn with penetration made me think of pain and blood, rather than pleasure. After those three months, I lied to my partner to buy myself another month of no sex, the idea of it just didn't feel good to me. I knew it would cause a bigger issue if I said I didn't want to do it - so I said the doctor said it would be best to wait one more month.
That month passed and I figured it was time to try again - but it still didn't feel good, and on top of that I was having trouble maintaining an erection. Because of the pressure and shame to perform I started avoiding sex almost altogether. I was still affectionate - just not into the penetration part.
I decided to go to a sexual health clinic and get tested for hormone levels, any additional STI's and another check - I am now waiting on all results, and if physically I am fine, will go to counselling to work through these issues.
On top of this, I have recently started on invisaligns - clear retainers that have to be worn 22 hours a day. We would start getting into making out and before sucking, I'd have to take them out - by the time that was done my partner would tell me the mood was gone.
Anyway, the past two weeks my partner has been very distant and when I began speaking with him about what he's thinking he told me he isn't happy and he can't bear the idea of a relationship with no penetrative sex - I explained that I kind of feel like I don't want to be the bottom any more and he started crying and said it was a dealbreaker. He has cried one other time in the 3 years we've been together so this must be a huge deal for him.
We kept talking and somehow I said that we could keep trying - and there is a part of me that wants to bottom again - I just don't know when that will be.
Now I'm not sure what to do, our relationship hasn't been the same since that conversation and I've thought about opening the relationship, but I don't think I could do that. I'm scared of him A: bringing home another bout of disease that would end up having a worse effect on me and B: him falling for someone else.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you think we should call it quits so I can use the time to resolve my issues and finish healing my body without these extra pressures of needing to please someone else? I'm really unsure of what to do.
So I have been with my monogamous partner for almost three years now and we have had some major ups and downs, but the latest issue is one that feels like it might finally end us.
Essentially, the issue is sex, or lack of it. In the middle of last year my partner discovered he had contracted HPV (and naturally, had given it to me - he was my first sexual partner), we went on a course of Aldara (also known as imunoquil, I think) and it seemed to be effective in clearing it up - unfortunately for me it also gave me chemical burns and being the bottom, sex for me was quite uncomfortable for a few months after. Trying to be cooperative, I kept trying to have sex in the hope that eventually bottoming would feel good again, but it hasn't.
In about May this year, things got worse, while trying to have sex, something tore and I ended up with a pretty severe fissure - there was a significant amount of blood and I had to go to the hospital and get stitched up.
After this, sex was off the table for a good three months. To be honest, I was relieved. The idea of bottoming again repulsed me - even watching porn with penetration made me think of pain and blood, rather than pleasure. After those three months, I lied to my partner to buy myself another month of no sex, the idea of it just didn't feel good to me. I knew it would cause a bigger issue if I said I didn't want to do it - so I said the doctor said it would be best to wait one more month.
That month passed and I figured it was time to try again - but it still didn't feel good, and on top of that I was having trouble maintaining an erection. Because of the pressure and shame to perform I started avoiding sex almost altogether. I was still affectionate - just not into the penetration part.
I decided to go to a sexual health clinic and get tested for hormone levels, any additional STI's and another check - I am now waiting on all results, and if physically I am fine, will go to counselling to work through these issues.
On top of this, I have recently started on invisaligns - clear retainers that have to be worn 22 hours a day. We would start getting into making out and before sucking, I'd have to take them out - by the time that was done my partner would tell me the mood was gone.
Anyway, the past two weeks my partner has been very distant and when I began speaking with him about what he's thinking he told me he isn't happy and he can't bear the idea of a relationship with no penetrative sex - I explained that I kind of feel like I don't want to be the bottom any more and he started crying and said it was a dealbreaker. He has cried one other time in the 3 years we've been together so this must be a huge deal for him.
We kept talking and somehow I said that we could keep trying - and there is a part of me that wants to bottom again - I just don't know when that will be.
Now I'm not sure what to do, our relationship hasn't been the same since that conversation and I've thought about opening the relationship, but I don't think I could do that. I'm scared of him A: bringing home another bout of disease that would end up having a worse effect on me and B: him falling for someone else.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do you think we should call it quits so I can use the time to resolve my issues and finish healing my body without these extra pressures of needing to please someone else? I'm really unsure of what to do.
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