Worried about my Cousin

[abcd1234]

My cousin who I grew up with and who lives a block away from me is very ill now.She has uterine cancer and the day they were gonna operate her lungs were filled with fluid.They said it came from the cancer. Naturally they couldn't do the surgery. So they drained the fluid out and now she's home and the nurse has to come 3 times a week to drain more fluid. She has to see her oncologist on Friday. She don't know if they're doing the surgery because her heart might not be able to take it.She had 2 leaky valves repaired last summer. They even gave her oxygen at home in case she needs it. I'm going to see her tomorrow. Since I grew up with her this is making me a little crazy too. My illness phobia was strong this week and I'm overreacting about my own body.
Also I'm going over to the mall a lot and buying things to make me feel better.This is not always good because sometimes I buy something then I realize I don't like it as much as I thought I did.So I take it back. I have enough clothes but when i'm upset I go out to buy something else. My stress might turn me into a shopaholic. Thank God her sister and brother in law live upstairs from her and take her back and forth.I hope she doesn't have to have chemo because I don't know if her lungs and heart can take it. I also hope this horrible cancer didn't spread to her lungs. At times I get panicky and cry and have so much fear. My thinking is all messed up and i'm getting paranoid about sickness and looking at my own body for abnormalities. I would appreciate your feedback with any suggestions on how to cope better. It doesn't help that I live alone.