Heartbroken.

[wclark03]

This is going to come of kind of emo... I didnt mean for the title to seem like that of a cutter's.

Anyway. You might recognize me from a previous thread about me and my ex and our issues with sex.
He wasnt sexually into me and he doesnt love me anywhere near the same level that I love him.
I still love him to death even after I broke up with him because I admitted that I couldnt live waiting for someone to magically fall in love and be sexually attracted to me.

Well he was in jail for a failure to appear warrant. for teh entire 36 hrs my stomach was in knots and I couldnt stop feeling such pain to have someone I love locked up for something that we had arranged to deal with with the clerk of court.

I am just at a painful loss because I recognize that he will never love me the same way.
He said that he was glad that I cared when I expressed my worry and concern.
Like I still at this second feel sick.

I just dont what to do. I want to cry but I cant. Im hurting too much to even show emotion.
I am seeing a psych on the 20th....

I just hope I can resolve these personally feelings. I hate feeling this way.

Now I am dating someone and its been going pretty well.
I just still have these strong feelings for a nonexistent relationship with my ex.
Im getting really close and I feel so much at ease when I am with the new guy.
I just could use some words of encouragement, advice or whatever.
Its nice to have a support group i guess.

thankyou

[Nick9]

It's nice to hear that you feel better with your new bf.

Maybe you could stay in touch with your ex? Would that make you feel better or worse? You know, exchange texts or emails now and then, stay friends. I would try. We all need more friends than bfs (or is it just me? :biggrin

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I'm going to piss on your parade. Go ahead, hate me. That's part of my job description.

You are carrying a torch for the Ex and getting involved with another guy. This makes for a toxic relationship, one where the new guy you will be comparing to the Ex, and you are going to be expecting the love you have for Newbie to be like the love you had/have for Ex because you and a majority of the population have this belief that love only feels one way.

Love doesn't, and most of us spend way too much time searching for 'true love; because we loved our first this way, and everyone else we love in another way, and that causes us to believe that we don't really love, or the love ain't true, or we are missing something. First loves are the worst and the best, the best because its so magical, the worst because it gives us such a narrow idea of what love us we end up missing out on lots of potential love.

The fact you spent most of this first post going on and on about the Ex and only a few lines dealing with Newbie should be a warning sign to how your head is currently semi-screwed on.

I would suggest you put the breaks on any relationship with Newbie until after your session on the 20th. In all honesty the last thing you need to do is get into an 'Us' type situation. You really need to work on 'Me'. (Me as in you, I work on me, me - see? :tongue

The therapist will most likely want you to slow down and take a break from dating anyone - and if you are into casual sex s/he will most likely tell you to take a break from that as well - for like, almost forever - which is about a year, but feels like forever.

Truthfully you need to work on you and figure out once again who you are as you - as an individual. You have had a really rough heart attack here, one that has changed your life profoundly in ways you have yet to discover. And that is going to be like peeling an onion, you remove one layer and there is another layer beneath, you remove that and oh boy yet one more layer.

Its fun... in a kind of sorta perverse sort of way... it can be hard and after its done you most likely will look back on the peeling as a great experience you will never want to do again. :o

I hope you have a sense of humor. If so, pull it out, dust it off and apply liberally to your life. Sarcasm, wit, humor and being able to laugh at our own stupidity gets us through a lot of the crap life dishes out.

For the record, you will be OK. In a few years that ache, that pain this misery will have all but completely pass. Yes it will still be there - a little, and there will be days, sometimes weeks when suddenly its all fresh and new and hurting as bad as it hurts now. But - those get farther and fewer between the older you get.

[zeon]

hello there,
Love is a funny thing because people dont realise but love is a seed that is planted in our hearts when we meet someone we feel is our ideal match and overtime that seed begins to grow into something which is looking magical.... The problem when realationships end is that people wont allow the seed to die and at times the seed doesnt want to die.. Your find that as you move on with this new fella ofd yourself your find that seed will ease away and become more and more attached to the new person.... Dont feel down about him his in prison because he cannot tolerate being good and any relationship not full with goodness isnt one that will work or operate properly

Kindesty regards and hugz

zeon x

[Gabbyboy]

Why was he not sexually attracted to you??? :\ just forget him bro' just focus on your new date!

[wclark03]

Well I'm going to piss on your parade. Go ahead, hate me. That's part of my job description.

You are carrying a torch for the Ex and getting involved with another guy. This makes for a toxic relationship, one where the new guy you will be comparing to the Ex, and you are going to be expecting the love you have for Newbie to be like the love you had/have for Ex because you and a majority of the population have this belief that love only feels one way.

Love doesn't, and most of us spend way too much time searching for 'true love; because we loved our first this way, and everyone else we love in another way, and that causes us to believe that we don't really love, or the love ain't true, or we are missing something. First loves are the worst and the best, the best because its so magical, the worst because it gives us such a narrow idea of what love us we end up missing out on lots of potential love.

The fact you spent most of this first post going on and on about the Ex and only a few lines dealing with Newbie should be a warning sign to how your head is currently semi-screwed on.

I would suggest you put the breaks on any relationship with Newbie until after your session on the 20th. In all honesty the last thing you need to do is get into an 'Us' type situation. You really need to work on 'Me'. (Me as in you, I work on me, me - see? :tongue

The therapist will most likely want you to slow down and take a break from dating anyone - and if you are into casual sex s/he will most likely tell you to take a break from that as well - for like, almost forever - which is about a year, but feels like forever.

Truthfully you need to work on you and figure out once again who you are as you - as an individual. You have had a really rough heart attack here, one that has changed your life profoundly in ways you have yet to discover. And that is going to be like peeling an onion, you remove one layer and there is another layer beneath, you remove that and oh boy yet one more layer.

Its fun... in a kind of sorta perverse sort of way... it can be hard and after its done you most likely will look back on the peeling as a great experience you will never want to do again. :o

I hope you have a sense of humor. If so, pull it out, dust it off and apply liberally to your life. Sarcasm, wit, humor and being able to laugh at our own stupidity gets us through a lot of the crap life dishes out.

For the record, you will be OK. In a few years that ache, that pain this misery will have all but completely pass. Yes it will still be there - a little, and there will be days, sometimes weeks when suddenly its all fresh and new and hurting as bad as it hurts now. But - those get farther and fewer between the older you get.

I understand exactly what your saying and I would be a fool to deny any of it. Id say your spot on.
but its easier said than done. which im sure you already know concerning the onion bit lol. Im an ogre. jk
As for the first love thing. He isnt my first. I felt the same way about one other ex. It took nearly a year to get over him fully but we were together for a year (not 5 months like this last relationship). This last one is the 2nd "true love" (i hate how gooey that sounds).
Its really just killing me that I just spent 36 waking hours with my stomach in a knot over him being in jail and when he gets out all he can say is "thanks for caring". I just want to move out because I know this will not heal any faster by being around him constantly. (we live together with 2 other roommates. I am not sure if I mentioned that.

[indianajones]

There isnt any point in cryng 4 sumone who has no such feeting 4 u. U must get over ths guy asap and move on.

[dfiant]

I usual don't come into these types of discussion, but I see Bowyn has pretty said exactly as I feel, but put a lot more eloquently.

I know love is blind, but is was never meant to be stupid.

[pellaz]

If you X someone you usually physically separate. Moving out is a must, you have not completed the process.

Being together for a year maybe but 5mo dosnt constitute a relationship.

I hope your being honest, taking it slower with your new boy friend

[lavinhtk]

hi hi
im 25 years old
im engineer and now i work for construction bridge
add my Yh , if you want to make friend with me