Dang, talk about harsh advice, haha.... Well I'll just be honest here, I'm still a huge work in progress. You're talking to a guy who had no emotional outlet for nearly 20 years of my life. It took me having a complete mental breakdown to realize how unhealthy it was for me to keep all my emotions to myself. I pretty much have to constantly push myself past my intense anxiety of letting people in, to really connect to them on an emotional level (but it really is getting better each time I do it).
I would also be okay if he didn't work the entire weekend, which is the only time my days end at a reasonable hour. I would even be willing to visit him late at night on the weekdays occasionally, if I could actually afford an hour's worth of gas both way (which I barely can, if at all) And I definitely do not plan to have a job that is 60-80 hours a week (depending on how much homework I get) like my current schedule once I graduate so I really would have more time for a relationship then. And it isn't the busy-ness that is the problem per-say, but the fact that I'm in an official relationship with someone (OFFICIAL, which to me is serious business), who I barely know, and don't have much prospects for getting to know for a good long while. And now to add more anxiety to the matter, he called me last night (albeit drunkenly) and before he hung up said "love you bye!". I honestly haven't even spent more than 3 waking hours with this boy. I don't want to end it because of the distance, but I definitely do want to slow it down. I think it's time for "the talk" the next time I see him. I don't want to crush another boy like I've done in the past. I'll give him the power this time. If he is willing to slow things down, and take the time for us become more acquainted with each other, before moving the relationship to a more serious place, then I'm willing to stay exclusive with him until we get to that point. I just don't like having the title of "boyfriends" looming over me. It just feels silly, and rushed, and immature to be committed to someone after knowing each other for such a short time.
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VagabondKitten Wrote:Dang, talk about harsh advice, haha....
hahaha, yeah, I guess that's just him :biggrin:
Bowyn Aerrow remember I said I wanted to print out your story, so that I would always remember it? Well, I guess you made it so graphic, that I don't need to. I felt really really down the other day and even then it was clear as day that I wouldn't lift a finger to harm myself, because I couldn't stop thinking about what you had said. Thanks, man.
VagabondKitten, tell him about the official issue you have, it may help 
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VagabondKitten Wrote:... I'm still a huge work in progress. You're talking to a guy who had no emotional outlet for nearly 20 years of my life. It took me having a complete mental breakdown to realize how unhealthy it was for me to keep all my emotions to myself. I pretty much have to constantly push myself past my intense anxiety of letting people in ...
how is it that your school and work is more important than your emotional outlook. Everything fits into whole picture which is your life. This boy is a blessing for you, dont "have the talk" give him your love. If you want to be successful in life you have to let people in.
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pellaz Wrote:how is it that your school and work is more important than your emotional outlook. Everything fits into whole picture which is your life. This boy is a blessing for you, dont "have the talk" give him your love. If you want to be successful in life you have to let people in.
Because I'm putting myself in huge debt to finish school, so I don't have to work an unfulfilling job the rest of my life! Also it's easier to always put off the things that we need to do the most, because they're usually the most difficult  I'm seeing him tomorrow after class and work, so I'm just going to be open about my concerns and anxieties with our relationship, because that's all I can do right now. If I don't speak to him about things like this, then I'll never learn to be open with him, so I can't put it off anymore. Wish me luck!
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I hate to break this to you, but for the rest of your life you will be a 'work in progress'. Might as well change your middle name to WIP. 
Also, I think you are focused on the stumbling blocks and not looking at the reasons why you should step out of your shell and "try it".
The worst that can happen here is that it all falls apart and you have a nasty break up. Ok that is not the worst, the worst could be that he turns into a stalker and tries to kill you - that can be an interesting life experience and 'worth' the time. Been there, done that - I learned a lot. :biggrin:
Your being too hard on him, too hard on yourself and too hard on life.
Since you have had issues in the past along these lines and have a hard time 'dealing with' the emotions and crap, perhaps its destiny, fate, God sending you the experience you need in order to deal with these internal things.
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VagabondKitten Wrote:... I'm seeing him tomorrow after class and work, so I'm just going to be open about my concerns and anxieties with our relationship, because that's all I can do right now. If I don't speak to him about things like this, then I'll never learn to be open with him, so I can't put it off anymore. Wish me luck!
be flexible, give and take. You need this and he needs that. I still think it possible to incorporate him into your live, two can live as thrifty as one.
Let us know what happens, for sure the best of luck.
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Well, earlier tonight I was talking with "Vince" on the phone, and kinda randomly he asked me if I was getting bored of him (I guess I must have been more obvious about my reluctance that I meant to be). So I decided that, that was as good of a time as any to tell him about my concerns. It actually went a lot better than I was expecting to be honest. He totally understood my wanting to take everything slower, and agreed that we should maybe take a couple steps back, before we start moving forward again (We're taking our relationship off facebook, and not making it as much of a "thing" yet, and more of a getting to know each-other phase instead). He's totally a sweetheart, and even pretty much insisted that I worry strictly about school, and that I shouldn't worry about us right now, and also said that I was motivating him to go back to school. That last bit was probably my favorite, as I feel like one of the main points of a relationship is to inspire each-other to be the best that you can be. He's definitely helping me, as I'm breaking down a few walls that I've never been close to breaking down (and some that I didn't even realize that I had). So I guess things pretty much worked out perfectly for the time being. Now only time will tell where we go from here
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That's great to hear! Thanks for getting back to us.
I hope you will work it out, it seems to be moving in pretty good direction
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OrphanPip Wrote:Does an hour drive really count as long-distance? People commute longer than that for work every morning.
Anyway, I don't think it's unreasonable to break it off with someone because you feel like there just isn't enough time to get to know each other and be in a proper relationship. I think the whole "rushing it" feeling is just anxiety and looking for excuses. Honestly, you don't seem that enthusiastic about the guy, and it is just going to get harder to break off the longer it lasts.
Talking to him and being honest about how you feel about slowing down the relationship seems the reasonable and the honest thing to do.
It can be if they dont drive or afford regularly train fares... I know if i was seeing a guy an hour away which is in london i couldnt afford to go there very often and therework would class this as a longt distance relationship not for the distance of 55 miles north but for the principle of it being so long til i see him again... Long distance can also be about time as well as general distance
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VagabondKitten Wrote:Well, earlier tonight I was talking with "Vince" on the phone, and kinda randomly he asked me if I was getting bored of him (I guess I must have been more obvious about my reluctance that I meant to be). So I decided that, that was as good of a time as any to tell him about my concerns. It actually went a lot better than I was expecting to be honest. He totally understood my wanting to take everything slower, and agreed that we should maybe take a couple steps back, before we start moving forward again (We're taking our relationship off facebook, and not making it as much of a "thing" yet, and more of a getting to know each-other phase instead). He's totally a sweetheart, and even pretty much insisted that I worry strictly about school, and that I shouldn't worry about us right now, and also said that I was motivating him to go back to school. That last bit was probably my favorite, as I feel like one of the main points of a relationship is to inspire each-other to be the best that you can be. He's definitely helping me, as I'm breaking down a few walls that I've never been close to breaking down (and some that I didn't even realize that I had). So I guess things pretty much worked out perfectly for the time being. Now only time will tell where we go from here
The question i would ask is do you want this to work??? If so you need to make the relationship workand he needs to as well not wait for time as time comes later when its more stable and your both ready to have us and me times
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Too busy? Relationship advice needed..
