So fed up with this BF/Relationship thing

[indianajones]

OF Late I have been getting more and more disillusioned with this whole idea of finding th love/BF/relationship and lead a wonderful life with your partner. Somehow i feel that this whole concept of love has been exaggerated to a great extent. I really dont see many examples of perfect couple or lovers who are just made for each other or something. And, frankly, how many of these so called perfect relationships or lovers you find in life. And, the fact remains the same for straight relationships too and not just LGBT Community. I am really sick of just thinking of falling in love, as i know, its really difficult to find one in life, although not impossible. I have thinking lately, as why i cant just be happy and be contect with my friends, having sex, clubbing etc as what generally people do. It all seems so surreal. If i were staright, i would have gone this aranged marriage and stuff, and just got on with life. But, here i am stuck, as a gay, and there isnt any possibility of arrangement too. Lol

Why cant i just be single yet happy and enjoy life?

[dfiant]

My personal opnion....People are so deperate for love and the fairy tale ending that they end up falling in love with the first person that smiles at them.

Not enough people take the time to wait for their soul mate, that person who intoxicates you to the point that you fall down drunk with love and emotion.

People have stopped beleiving in 'ever after' and are too willing to settling for 'Just a while so I am not lonely and have someone to hug'

[indianajones]

My personal opnion....People are so deperate for love and the fairy tale ending that they end up falling in love with the first person that smiles at them.

I fall into this category of "PEOPLE".
LOL

[fenris]

A problem is that people start to panic that they stay alone their complete life.... so they don´t look around for the right partner and choose one of the first people because "He is just not that bad as the other 4 "
Thats complete wrong, it takes time - sometimes much time - to find the right one. And another problem is that sex is wrong weighted ... sex is important but not the one and all. Just that a partner is a bomb in bed said nothing about his qualities as a partner.

And others don´t want to do anything to find a partner... sitting in front of the TV and waiting that the postman brings a parcel with the perfect partner

And others give up after a few problems.... and a big problem is the mother-in-law ...wait... only MY mother-in-law is a big problem. Last year I wanted to spend her as a gift to NASA... my Idea was that she can be very good used on the moon to watch out that nobody steals the US-Flag ... my man was against that.


Don´t give up ... :-)

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm in a long term committed relationship. I thought it was 15 years, but was informed a week ago that nope its only been 14 years. Great - this comes from the guy who wasn't even aware it was our anniversary that he not only marked on the paper calendar but supposedly set on his Facebook Events calendar and his email calendar and still didn't know what day it was until I handed over the minor wrapped gift on 'The Day'.

But he knows we have been together 14 years. How? Because Sirius, our Black Lab/Rott mix is 13 and we got her the year after he moved in with me.

We measure the length of our relationship by a dog's life and her birthdays (which ironically he never forgets and insists we have a minor party on each of their birthdays (two dogs now - it was real fun when we had two dogs and two cats ).

Perfect couple - yeah sure, in public, in the eyes of the world. We are by no means perfect - as a couple or as individuals.

Perfect relationship? Nope. There have been years where I laid there in the wee hours of the morning next to him in bed listening to him doing that annoying thing - you know - breathing and thinking up fantastic ways to commit the perfect murder. He has a double indemnity clause on his life insurance polices (yes plural) so If I could make it look like an accident - well not only would I be freed from that annoying breathing he does but be rolling in money for a while.

We are comfortable with each other and content. We have our years of passion and our long cold snaps. There have been a couple real doozies of fights - screaming, shouting flying crockery... you get the idea. But there are many more long quiet nights were we just sit there in silence and enjoy that mutual silence. No need to fill the air with mindless chatter, we are comfortable with the silences.

We have our moments of joy, our moments of grief. Our moments of war, our moments of peace. We take separate vacations and do our own things - I hunt and camp, he goes off flying to exotic places like Portland Oregon - He's planning a trip to the UK - I frankly wouldn't travel to a place that doesn't speak understandable English - I do hope he has fun.

By and large we are content. Not 'happy' - but then being happy all the time is as bad if not worse than being sad all the time.

Before this long haul, working relationship, I tried the 'perfect' relationship with other men. These relationships mostly failed because we had set our standards way too frakking high on what to achieve and how we should feel. We failed to understand that that first passionate, hard core over sexed flush of love is not the only part of love. We didn't know that love mellows out and that love goes from overtly romantic and hot passion to a more cool sensible thing that allows both people to breath and actually function in society as well as as a couple.

No I am not living happily ever after - I am living 'mostly contended for a very long time'....

Set your goals for the realistic, attainable - contentment, comfort, commitment, companionship - not for that hard passionate drippy love that only lasts a minute or two and gets in the way of living life. All knights in shining armor have tarnished armor - a lot of them had deep deposits of corrosion and rust in that armor. Here and there are sparkle of shine - that is being human, that is being real.

[zeon]

hello,
I have opften believed if you look for love it never happen s if you dont look for it eventually it will come along and happen infront of yas.... Keep the chin up and show the world your happy in yourself

[Pix]

I've always found it odd that one woman I lived with for years was so good. We helped each other in so many ways, the sex was good, our love was sincere and seemed to cycle between passionate and content (whereas most fluctuate a lot more, such as love & loathing). I can't recall a single serious argument we ever had, at least not one that didn't end with us laughing and joking in short order, and that despite all the alcohol she consumed. I have never had a relationship as free of drama as that one.

So why oh why did we get bored with each other and agree to separate? I have no idea but we both agreed (very civilly and dispassionately) we were better off as friends, and friends we remain (though she's not my BFF). When she got a job that required her to move she left without me and I missed her, sincerely wished her well, and I'll treasure the time we spent together, but somehow I knew we just weren't meant to be. And it's a mystery to me why a rose with almost no thorns at all just didn't work as well for me as the roses with a lot more thorns (though also more intoxicating smell).

[Nick9]

you made me smile Bowyn Aerrow. I've been in one relationship for twenty years now (I am in my late thirties) and I can agree with everything you said.
It's more like a friendship now and that is why I am so mad when I read that someone doesn't think the relationship he just started is worth working on, because the sparkle isn't there.
We certainly had our moments when we didn't want to see each other and it was more like being flat-mates than partners and lately it's more about comfortable silence than being madly in love, but that's okay with me. I am ashamed that I didn't told him about my depression though. He knew something was happening but didn't know how serious it was. I should have told him. When I finally did, he helped a lot.

[zeon]

you made me smile Bowyn Aerrow. I've been in one relationship for twenty years now (I am in my late thirties) and I can agree with everything you said.
It's more like a friendship now and that is why I am so mad when I read that someone doesn't think the relationship he just started is worth working on, because the sparkle isn't there.
We certainly had our moments when we didn't want to see each other and it was more like being flat-mates than partners and lately it's more about comfortable silence than being madly in love, but that's okay with me. I am ashamed that I didn't told him about my depression though. He knew something was happening but didn't know how serious it was. I should have told him. When I finally did, he helped a lot.

Hello,
20 years is a bloody long time i have to admit and its good that you reached the point of comfortable silence because me and my boyfriend have been together since 12th October 2005... Wonder if ill remember the date after 20 years or whether ive lost my marbles by then lol... You said that you felt bad about the aspect of not telling him about your depression dont... The problem with depression is people become inverted in themselves and shut shop almost hibinating like a computer on standby and its nothing to be ashamed of... Its just you wasnt ready to open up about it... I know with my boyfriend when he had depression I had to tell him i suspect he is suffering with depression and should speak with a doctor whereby the doctor did diagnose him with depression... As someone whos been there you can usually see the signs before the individual has...

Kindest regards

zeon x

p.s remember everyday this many people suffer from some form of depression so those who are in it are never alone

[Nick9]

Thank you for your kind words, zeon. It's just that I was ready to leave, without telling him, without explaining, without reaching out for his help. After all those years, it feels like a betrayal. It's probably the reason why I am so active in suicidal threads. I don't want anyone to make my own mistakes.

"Wonder if ill remember the date after 20 years or whether ive lost my marbles by then lol..."
LOL, sure you will remember