So fed up with this BF/Relationship thing

[BobInTampa]

To answer your last question, you CAN be single and happy!

Actually, being comfortable with who YOU are - alone - is critical to making your future relationship WORK!

So many guys think they "need" someone in their life to be complete. And, as you've read replies, you see that relationships are NOT fairy tales - fairy tales are FANTASIES, STORIES! Trying to meausre your happiness on a fantasy will doom you to misery.

I've found that the best way to ultimatly find a partner is to....wait for it.....STOP LOOKING!

Let me expand. Not sure if you were a cub or boy scout, but one of the things they teach you in scouting is that if you EVER get lost in the forrest, to STOP MOVING. If you wander around trying to find your way OUT of the forrest, you actually make it much harder to be FOUND by those looking foryou. Dating is very much the same way. If you spend all your free time wandering from website to website, bar to bar, etc, you actually are making it harder for someone to find you.

So, actually, you're in the RIGHT frame of mind - that is, being comfortable in your own skin, being single, doing what brings YOU happiness. All you need is a small group of friends so you're still out there being social - but you're being social for YOU - not in search of a mate.

Focus on the things you have control over. Your job/school, health, personal finances, family. Find that balance and enjoy this time - trust me, the sooner you STOP looking, the sooner you'll see guys finding YOU!.

PS: I'm 50, in my happiest LTR, with a great man. Yes, we have our spats, but we both learned how to work at our LTR to keep it happy, alive and growing. We both knew that making our LTR survive was taht it would take WORK every day - and we do. We don't measure our happiness by a fairy tale or fantasy. We MAKE it work!

Hang in there. Enjoy your life.

[pellaz]

.. I have thinking lately, as why i cant just be happy and be content with my friends, having sex, clubbing etc as what generally people do ... If i were straight, i would have gone this arranged marriage and stuff ...

I propose the risk of HIV infection and the constant exposure to the safe sex education scheme has changed gay life. There is perceived value in having a gay monogamous relationship, same sex marriage and the house hold concept.

Long term relationships are difficult, a lot of work and prone to fail. Both boys have to want to enter into a relationship and have the desire, skillz and maturity to maintain it. The the straight community can a test to this.
Human nature being what it is; the legal nature of marriage increases the chances for a long term relationship. Than again both boys have to want to enter into a relationship and have the desire and maturity to maintain it.

odd on how society reacts to things (not always in a logical for the better way):
where the black population in the US is say 15% this group represents 50% of the currently infected HIV population. They represent a significant number of the new infections and this keeps their number of infected boys stable since the 90's. Sounds hope less.
THE BLACK AMERICANS VOTERS IN CALIFORNIA WERE THE SWING VOTE AGAINST SAME SEX MARRIAGE.

[HollandofFrance]

in my town most people seem so sour or unsociable as if they have to be on the internet and do email or something nonstop -like if you go to starbucks

i quit all bars

- wish it was 1980 again when people had real lives

[HollandofFrance]

They’ll be a sign for all to see Be sure that it will certain be.

Then love shall die and marriage cease And nations wane as babes decrease.

{Failure of marriages and divorce. Decrease in population (in Europe) and wholesale abortion in America. Could be a future time when birth rates plummet due to radiation, earth changes or volcanic ash.}

And wives shall fondle cats and dogs And men live much the same as hogs.
{Sounds like a very female point of view here!}

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/esp_shipton01.htm

it sometimes seems her prophecies are real

love is dead
men live as hogs

[East]

OF Late I have been getting more and more disillusioned with this whole idea of finding th love/BF/relationship and lead a wonderful life with your partner. Somehow i feel that this whole concept of love has been exaggerated to a great extent. I really dont see many examples of perfect couple or lovers who are just made for each other or something. And, frankly, how many of these so called perfect relationships or lovers you find in life. And, the fact remains the same for straight relationships too and not just LGBT Community. I am really sick of just thinking of falling in love, as i know, its really difficult to find one in life, although not impossible. I have thinking lately, as why i cant just be happy and be contect with my friends, having sex, clubbing etc as what generally people do. It all seems so surreal. If i were staright, i would have gone this aranged marriage and stuff, and just got on with life. But, here i am stuck, as a gay, and there isnt any possibility of arrangement too. Lol

Why cant i just be single yet happy and enjoy life?

Well...I apologize of time for not going with the flow...I am extremely happy and fulfilled in my life and I adore my lover. In 25 years...I have not said a bad word about the man to ANYONE...we do have arguments of course and disagreements but with anything in life...

...a successful relationship with someone else starts with YOU and how successful you are in a relationship with yourself...we also live in a world where everyone is quick to project their own crap on someone else...to whine alot and insist on being the victim in any given situation...blame everything on the other person...take no personal responsibility for your own sh*t. For instance...if you (not you specifically...anyone) think men are generally a**holes...what are you REALLY bringing to any relationship? If you objectify other men 24/7...when you find yourself miserable you need to look at that and realize that you built your own prison....and I could go on and on and on. I am smart about relationships and personal responsibility. It isn't a gay/straight thing...it is about you as an individual...

...and if you read what I write...you will see that being single and happy is all a part of it,. By all means...develop a relationship with yourself where you are single and happy. I NEVER said to myself..."gee...I want a relationship soooo bad"...not even once....
For me...it was quite the opposite actually...I LOVED when I was single. I was not looking for a relationship...I loved every minute of my time alone...

...and I just gave you THE key...you can use it...or not:biggrin:

Just one more thing,....It is far more interesting and challenging to create a positive environment for yourself both inside and outside of yourself...and infinitely more rewarding.

[bluefox4000]

I was depressed and stayed to myself. And love fell in my lap in 08. so i don't know.

Mick

[DarkDaisuke]

Well think of it this way; its a relationship with another person who has their own beliefs about how things should run. No matter how similar two people might be, there's always going to be some difference on some level. A relationship is work ok. It takes time effort and hard work. Thats why marriages relationships and families are all falling apart these days. We're so used to the picture perfect family relationship and marriage on TV or in the movies and we have this false view of what life truly is.
Yes some relationships seem perfect but most at some point hit a rough patch. Those that don't are just blessed or lucky. Very few relationships are going to be like that, so be prepared to communicate, love, cry, get angry (Don't go to bed upset though), and so many other emotions that come with a relationship and family. In other words, LIVE LIFE! And also respect your partner. But don't just live life, understand it as well

[Kiid]

Smile
Smiles are very ciontagous n.n
Smile at peopel and they simle back at you. Though some people will snob you but they are dead inside. And people are attracted to people that smile. Smile and you get friends. I think this maybe the very reason there are poeple who remember me and I for get them. And possabaly the reason from me knowing a couple hundered (plus) people in my town.

[TomStatic]

yeah i dont see the point in trying to rush and find the right guy

my bf came outta nowhere for me, i was happy been single
had a few guys after me but i never wanted anything serious with them
but once he came along i knew there was someting there
just live life

[Zet]

You can't force love, you can not control what you feel. Many times when you are searching desperately, you are often blinded to see the right one.